lookingforyou Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 It's been a while since I met some guy that I'm attracted to. I'm not looking for the next hunk or Mr. Gorgeous; I'm saying someone who could be hideous to most others but I'm still attracted to because it works for me. I've seen and met men, and some whom I would admit are good looking, but none of them works for me that way. Is it something I should worry about?
BS76 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 It's been a while since I met some guy that I'm attracted to. I'm not looking for the next hunk or Mr. Gorgeous; I'm saying someone who could be hideous to most others but I'm still attracted to because it works for me. I've seen and met men, and some whom I would admit are good looking, but none of them works for me that way. Is it something I should worry about? Let me guess, you've got a great paying job and/or are well educated. I'll go out on a limb and guess you're around 35 too.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Let me guess, you've got a great paying job and/or are well educated. I'll go out on a limb and guess you're around 35 too. You're good though I'm in the early early part of 30s. But what about all these?
red shoes Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Yep, I would like to hear from LSers about this. I feel the same way. It's been a while since I had a crush on someone. Tell me why!
MrNate Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Yep, I would like to hear from LSers about this. I feel the same way. It's been a while since I had a crush on someone. Tell me why! Maybe because of those qualifications that you possess, you may feel that you would connect more with someone who is 'on your level' per se? I mean if that were the case I could totally understand. Could that be why?
BS76 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Maybe because of those qualifications that you possess, you may feel that you would connect more with someone who is 'on your level' per se? I mean if that were the case I could totally understand. Could that be why? Something like that. Women are hypergamous by nature. In other works they "marry up" and it's just something women do usually through nature to secure providers for having kids. It's an instinct they don't really have control over for the most part. Attraction isn't a choice as the saying goes. Women who are highly educated and have a great job have a smaller pool of men who they can marry up to, so those are the ones hit hardest with "there are no good men". The reality is they're ignoring/omitting men who aren't as successful as they are whether they realize it or not.
Cinderella7 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I'm having the same problem too. I'm well-educated, good career, but slightly younger than you are (early 20s). It seems like all of the men I find I'm attracted to are married (and so clearly I am not going to pursue them). It's frustrating. I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I even tried lowering my standards a little bit recently and went out twice with someone I wouldn't normally go out with. Needless to say, that experiment was a total failure.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Something like that. Women are hypergamous by nature. In other works they "marry up" and it's just something women do usually through nature to secure providers for having kids. It's an instinct they don't really have control over for the most part. Attraction isn't a choice as the saying goes. Women who are highly educated and have a great job have a smaller pool of men who they can marry up to, so those are the ones hit hardest with "there are no good men". The reality is they're ignoring/omitting men who aren't as successful as they are whether they realize it or not. I actually think "there are good men out there." As there are good women, there are also bad women. The same goes for men. But you might be right about the subconscious part, that I might not realize that I may think that way. Any solutions, if any, anyone?
Author lookingforyou Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 I'm having the same problem too. I'm well-educated, good career, but slightly younger than you are (early 20s). It seems like all of the men I find I'm attracted to are married (and so clearly I am not going to pursue them). It's frustrating. I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I even tried lowering my standards a little bit recently and went out twice with someone I wouldn't normally go out with. Needless to say, that experiment was a total failure. I'm not sure lowering one's standards will do it. I'm not saying there's no true love between a "more capable" woman and a "less capable" man but I think lowering one's standards on purpose may not do it. You'll always be conscious of it.
torranceshipman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I had to wait a long time to meet my perfect man, who incidentally I got engaged to 2 months ago and I sounded quite similar to you...I was single (dating, but single!) for a long time as I couldn't meet anyone I really liked....it was worth the wait, I tell you. My partner is so amazing and everything I ever hoped I would find so whatever you do, don't settle. Enjoy the single life until he does eventually come along!
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I can totally relate, although I am much younger. I definitely seek out men who aren't "conventionally attractive," but even that doesn't seem to be working out. I am a little worried that someone brought up education- I am going for my masters soon and find myself wanting someone with a same or similar education, which I don't think I can be faulted for. I guess patience is a virtue?
MrNate Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I can totally relate, although I am much younger. I definitely seek out men who aren't "conventionally attractive," but even that doesn't seem to be working out. I am a little worried that someone brought up education- I am going for my masters soon and find myself wanting someone with a same or similar education, which I don't think I can be faulted for. I guess patience is a virtue? So you expect to be with someone who only has a masters degree or higher?
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 So you expect to be with someone who only has a masters degree or higher? No. Bachelor's or higher.
MrNate Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 No. Bachelor's or higher. Well that case I'd go along with patience being a virtue. Plus, I think it's starting to become an increasing trend, that women are becoming more likely to pursue higher education than men. So I don't really find anything wrong with pursuing someone along your educational level. I think it starts to become a challenge, when you pursue higher and higher education and then looking for someone to match that. Say a PhD. Obviously if one were to go based of that, then with each sequential degree, their pool of options would shrink accordingly.
Author lookingforyou Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Then when you find that someone with the right educational level you feel you can be attracted to, they may not like you. The pool shrinks further. Torranceshipman's story is inspiring and encouraging. To the rest of us, patience has to be a virtue. But the thing is what about if I see the guys and I'm not attracted to them, even before I know about his educational level or political slant? Is that a problem?
MrNate Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Then when you find that someone with the right educational level you feel you can be attracted to, they may not like you. The pool shrinks further. Torranceshipman's story is inspiring and encouraging. To the rest of us, patience has to be a virtue. But the thing is what about if I see the guys and I'm not attracted to them, even before I know about his educational level or political slant? Is that a problem? Well if you see him, and you're not attracted to him, then you're not attracted to him. What would you gain by forcing attraction?
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Then when you find that someone with the right educational level you feel you can be attracted to, they may not like you. The pool shrinks further. Torranceshipman's story is inspiring and encouraging. To the rest of us, patience has to be a virtue. But the thing is what about if I see the guys and I'm not attracted to them, even before I know about his educational level or political slant? Is that a problem? No, that's what everyone does! It just makes it hard because say you think 20% of the people you meet in life are cute... then only 10% have whatever other quality, and the pool shrinks and shrinks. Really does seem like it has a lot to do with luck and timing...
Author lookingforyou Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Well if you see him, and you're not attracted to him, then you're not attracted to him. What would you gain by forcing attraction? No, I don't mean forcing attraction. I mean if it's something other people feel too. Or am I just "weird" in not being attracted to more people.
Cinderella7 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 No, that's what everyone does! It just makes it hard because say you think 20% of the people you meet in life are cute... then only 10% have whatever other quality, and the pool shrinks and shrinks. Really does seem like it has a lot to do with luck and timing... I completely agree, re: luck & timing. Right now I'm in one of those moods where it seems like luck & timing are conspiring against me, and I'm frustrated with the whole dating process. It seems I either find guys that have all of the qualities I'm looking for but there's no physical attraction, or guys I'm physically attracted to but are lacking some important qualities. I'm not sure what to do.
Ihavenoidea Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Honestly what does education have anything to do with it. I have accomplished more in my life and have a more successful career than most people my age or even older than myself and I dont have a degree.
counterman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Yes, I've been feeling this way. I had fun flirting but there was no spark or attraction. Hell, even the girls I found attractive, I don't feel a thing for. it's a pity because most of them are great. I don't know what it is but hopefully it goes back to normal soon.
MrNate Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 No, I don't mean forcing attraction. I mean if it's something other people feel too. Or am I just "weird" in not being attracted to more people. Hm. Well it simply means you're selective, which is good. Because that translates into you having a higher chance of having a successful relationships. Some people aren't selective at all, and well, I don't see that being too amazing. Just see it as you having a very good idea of what you want out of a person.
Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I agree that it means you are selective. I find myself to be very selective and it can get frustrating. Prior to my curent gf, I dated 40+ women over the previous year and only felt anything beyond a physical attraction to 2 of them. Some of us simply have a smaller pool of people that we are attracted to than others.
knaveman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think it's starting to become an increasing trend, that women are becoming more likely to pursue higher education than men. Does this mean that all of us High School educated construction workers are SOL? I would like to think that I am smarter and a piece of paper or my job description.
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