married&smitten Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 My husband met a new BF about a year ago. They began to tease about my thinking the BF was cute and the BF liking me because when I met the whole group of people, I only asked about him. When he first met me, he told my husband many times how pretty I was. So my husband began to joke that we "liked" eachother, teasing all the time. BF speaks English/Spanish. I blushed when he would tell me I was beautiful and then call me senorita. It was sweet. I never felt attracted to him, bothered by the sweetness or the joking that they did. Then on Wed (72 hours ago) I answered the phone and he did not say anything different than any other time time in the past year but for some unknown reaspon, I have not been able to focus on a single thought for more than two seconds since!! He was talking about houses and I felt myself blush and became speachless and had to give my husband the phone. From that moment on, I have not stopped thinking about being with this man, even if for one night. OMG I even went so far as to tell my husband of my thoughts and tell him that his BF's latin accent and spanish speaking was causing me to feel pretty and adored and sexy. I had to tell my husband -I felt guilty just thinking about it. I told my husband to learn spanish! LOL. Now, my husband's feelings are hurt, but he still is joking with BF and letting BF say hello to me on the phone. I am trying to contain myself in front of husband so he does not see my pathetic crush thinking NON-STOP about his BF. I just want it to go away. I am old enough to know that the fantasy IS ALWAYS bettter than the reality - It's NOT like anything will happen. The BF has kissed my hand, once. We have hugged goodbye maybe twice, in front of several people. We have never been alone and I don't know what triggered this suddenly. BF has 10 yr live-in relationship also whom I have never met. I met my husband 9 years ago and have been with him 6 but married less than one year. We have had a stressful year and have only been "together" 3-4 the past year. I think this has a lot to do with getting attention from a sexy speaking man. **SIGH** I found this website and thought if I hear/read what I already know from others, I would feel better and stop thinking about this man in that way. It was actually more fun to giggle over the phone and leave it that....
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I just want it to go away. If you genuinely want it to go away and I mean SERIOUSLY want it to go away, you will show your husband what you wrote here, end the 'friendship' with BF permanently with no contact whatsoever, and tell him that you do not want an affair to happen and suggest counseling to try to patch whatever is going on that is leading you straight into an eventual affair.
stillafool Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I would also suggest that you get to know your H's BF's girlfriend. Maybe seeing him with his love and getting to know her will bring you back to reality.
Author married&smitten Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Thank you. I have no idea this morning how I stumbled on to this site, but I do beleive in fate. You are right. I need to stop my involvement with this friend and keep it where it was - a work friend of my husband-period-w/o me involved. I need to not talk to him on the phone. I have had a counselor for several years (12) off and on and did set up an appointment last week when this occurred. My husband talks to one once per month, and together we have seen her twice for our "stuff." Now we will ALL have something new to discuss . Reading your comments has made me remember and appreciate why I married my husband. I waited until age 40 to get married and I know I picked well. He was/is trying to make me feel good and seeing me laugh, giggle and blush talking to his friend was funny until it struck a chorde, but in all honesty,I don't know if the friend is "playing" or means what he says lately, which is how this smitten crush came to be. It is now time to stop the so called fun, it has gotten out of hand. To the other comment. I have been trying for the last month for the friend to bring his gf around, let me meet her, be her friend. He says No. My husband said it's bcuz she is 10-15 yrs older than he. I had to wonder, even with the cultural differences and language barrier if he (the friend) is not wanting us to be friends because that would spoil this serenade of sorts. Thank you again, I felt better when I woke, and now I feel all that more secure, calm and content about this situation. I am going to show my husband, with my reply attached
seibert253 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 You're playing with fire and your husband is going to get burnt if you continue your present course. Unless your H is OK with you sleeping with his BF.If you want to remain true to your H, then you need to;1. Make it crystal clear to your H about the lustful feelings you are experiencing for his BF2. Create as much distance as possible between you and the BF3. Let your H know that without this distance, something really bad and regretful may happen, and you need his help.Personally, if my W came to me telling me she was fantasizing about my BF, then he would no longer be my BF.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 It's NOT like anything will happen. if you truly believed that, then you wouldn't be here. The BF has kissed my hand, once. We have hugged goodbye maybe twice, in front of several people. yup, he is testing the waters, and you are letting him. We have never been alone and I don't know what triggered this suddenly. BF has 10 yr live-in relationship also whom I have never met. I met my husband 9 years ago and have been with him 6 but married less than one year. We have had a stressful year and have only been "together" 3-4 the past year. I think this has a lot to do with getting attention from a sexy speaking man. so thats all it takes is a little flattery? Maybe you should tell your husband this, then he wouldn't joke around about attractions to a BF not realizing that he is fueling your fire. And guess what, it may seem like joking....but when a guy jokes about a GF/wife having a crush on another guy, deep down he thinks there is some truth to it, but is trying to play it off as if it doesn't bother him and is putting on a face **SIGH** I found this website and thought if I hear/read what I already know from others, I would feel better and stop thinking about this man in that way. It was actually more fun to giggle over the phone and leave it that.... I think the conversations need to be civil and to the point...no more of this flirting, and no more letting him test the waters and such. YOU need to nip this in the butt and quit disrespecting your husband by allowing this guy to test the waters with you. Maybe you should tell your H. Then he'd make sure not to joke about things like that and make his friend think that its ok to hit on his wife....and for his wife to reciprocate the flirting.
jnj express Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think your H. ia also stupid---for his loose attitude in re:joking about you and the OM, that kind of thing can backfire---as it seems to in this situation. You maybe have a little that "time of the month---hormone thing going"------Anyway at this point just go NC, and when you start to think of him, force yourself to think of other things----and sit your H. down, and MAKE him listen to you about his stupid talk, trying to push you toward other men------I would point blank---ask him why he is doing that, what is he trying to prove----the 2 of you don't need a counselor---to sit down and talk to each other about your problems---CUZ YOU GOT THEM
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