xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I never really felt this way before but the more I do online dating, the more I feel cheapened by the experience. Maybe it's the way guys like to come on to me in emails and ask right out that they're looking for casual sex, but honestly, what on earth would possess them to do so when I have clearly stated I'm looking for a serious relationship? Not only that, but given that I put myself out there by posting my pictures, I can't help feel like I'm advertising myself to weirdos and perverts. I'm not trying to stigmatize it. I can admit that it does have its own benefits when it came to weeding out the good dates from the bad. But I no longer derive any enjoyment from it. If anything I feel like I'm better off meeting guys in person.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Xpaper, totally. Cheapened and dispassionate. It seems most guys just want to see what they can get out of you with the least possible effort. The one guy that in his first or second email told me collected Playboy and that was "classy", the 45+ year olds that are divorced that send an email to hit on you anyway evey though you clearly have an age bracket, the sexual comments that are way too strong too fast, the guys that can't even buy you a cup of coffee, the guys that give you insincere generic compliments to get you into bed. I haven't even put any effort into dating lately. I hope I can meet a real guy, in the real world, naturally. Although, I think men today don't put much efforti n meeting women in the real world because alot of people just go home to their computers and shop for people online.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Xpaper, totally. Cheapened and dispassionate. It seems most guys just want to see what they can get out of you with the least possible effort. The one guy that in his first or second email told me collected Playboy and that was "classy", the 45+ year olds that are divorced that send an email to hit on you anyway evey though you clearly have an age bracket, the sexual comments that are way too strong too fast, the guys that can't even buy you a cup of coffee, the guys that give you insincere generic compliments to get you into bed. I haven't even put any effort into dating lately. I hope I can meet a real guy, in the real world, naturally. Although, I think men today don't put much efforti n meeting women in the real world because alot of people just go home to their computers and shop for people online. You know when online dating first became popular a few years ago, there were still people that were genuine. Like you've said, nobody even bothers anymore. which exactly comes in play with the other thread that all men are just looking for sex. I mean if it had been a few years ago, I doubt there would have been as much people as there are now trolling for sex. Even in the real world nowadays, I'm growing wary with the fact that I can't befriend guys as easily as I used to without it seeming like I'm coming on to them ( which I'm not). I hate thinking that every guy I meet will be only talking to me because they want to get into my pants or have ulterior motives. Like you, I've been away from the dating world for a while now, and everytime that I feel like I'm ready to try again, along comes someone who gives me a horrible experience, that I feel like I'm better off single.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Like you, I've been away from the dating world for a while now, and everytime that I feel like I'm ready to try again, along comes someone who gives me a horrible experience, that I feel like I'm better off single Yeah, I feel like that too. But I have to admit that I don't like that about myself. At the same time, you can't just forget or erase those experiences. I think the last guy I was seeing did me in a bit. Everytime I try to rally to get back out there, I freeze up. I keep thinking "is this how it's always going to be??" Like you said, I really don't think people try anymore. There is just too many options now out there and people seem to just be seeking out the options instead of something real. And so many guys just seem to expect sex. And doing online dating, it seems for me at least, that they feel like they can say things to you that they would never say in real life. They don't want to get to know you. Alot of guys get on me back on here calling me a femi-nazi but I don't think they realize how often men just end up treating you like your something to have sex with instead of a person. What kind of horrible experinces have you had xpaper?
BeautifulMan Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Women place judgement on external beauty, it is not in your role to make judgement. Only a god can do so, only I. Before complaining about feeling cheapened, contemplate your decisions and the actions you take based upon those decisions. Men and women are not unlike.
mike1988 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Out of the four women I've ever "been with", three of them I met online. It does make me feel undesirable.
Confusedalways Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Definitely I feel cheap/ awkward and desperate . I have to delete 95% of the messages I get because they're creepy which leaves me with a working 5% and thus far I've only found one person I'm genuinely interested in... and he did not return that sentiment.
USMCHokie Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 You know when online dating first became popular a few years ago, there were still people that were genuine. Like you've said, nobody even bothers anymore. which exactly comes in play with the other thread that all men are just looking for sex. I mean if it had been a few years ago, I doubt there would have been as much people as there are now trolling for sex. And this sentiment frustrates the hell out of the few guys that are genuine and are looking for more than just casual sex. But I think everyone, both male and female, understand how the whole arena has evolved over the past few years. It just is the way it is.
Confusedalways Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I know there are both genuine men and women looking out there-- which I guess is what keeps me from deleting my account. The problem in online dating is you have to do A LOT of weeding.
Sivok Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Weeding out the creeps from the possibles is more or less the same in the real world. Online dating isn't any easier, I personally just find it as another source of meeting quality people. It however does work. I've met my past two girlfriends online, one of which I fell in love with. A friend of mine who introduced me to online dating met his wife on there... It took him a good two years to do so though. It just takes patience and alot of heartache. Got to love dating
threebyfate Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 xpaper, you're being catalogue shopped with online dating. It's a very cold way to date and IMO, a strange environment. As a woman online dating, you seriously have a lot to sift through. Most of it chaff. In real life, your choices will be more limited but easier to sift through since you get to see facial expressions and body language. The only person I can think of who's been successful with online dating is Art_Critic. But then, the woman he found was someone who he had previously been acquainted with, who was in the same business. His wife is a great find!
torranceshipman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I never really felt this way before but the more I do online dating, the more I feel cheapened by the experience. Maybe it's the way guys like to come on to me in emails and ask right out that they're looking for casual sex, but honestly, what on earth would possess them to do so when I have clearly stated I'm looking for a serious relationship? Not only that, but given that I put myself out there by posting my pictures, I can't help feel like I'm advertising myself to weirdos and perverts. I'm not trying to stigmatize it. I can admit that it does have its own benefits when it came to weeding out the good dates from the bad. But I no longer derive any enjoyment from it. If anything I feel like I'm better off meeting guys in person. Maybe it is the site you are using?-I used to use online dating, and I hardly ever got that problem. Sure there were a few crazies, lol, but they weren't overtly sexual in nature (more of the strange 'you is my princess beautiful lady please be marriage with me, etc!' in their opening email!). And lots of cute guys took me out. To be fair I really enjoyed having dinner with a lot of guys in cool restaurants but didn't like them enough to see them again, or had a couple of brief but really fun 6-8 date things with very cute guys who were very entertaining but too much of a player (but still fun memories)...I actually really enjoyed the experience (I think I might be mostly alone with that sentiment tho!).
torranceshipman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Xpaper, totally. Cheapened and dispassionate. It seems most guys just want to see what they can get out of you with the least possible effort. The one guy that in his first or second email told me collected Playboy and that was "classy", the 45+ year olds that are divorced that send an email to hit on you anyway evey though you clearly have an age bracket, the sexual comments that are way too strong too fast, the guys that can't even buy you a cup of coffee, the guys that give you insincere generic compliments to get you into bed. I haven't even put any effort into dating lately. I hope I can meet a real guy, in the real world, naturally. Although, I think men today don't put much efforti n meeting women in the real world because alot of people just go home to their computers and shop for people online. I honest to God didnt get this experience. Are you using a free site?
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think it has less so to do with the site and more so to do with the geographic location. Where I grew up, I got VASTLY "nicer" [more gentlemanly] emails than I do now that I live in Boston. There's a lot more crazies in the bigger cities, so I've found. I suppose that goes for the population in general though.
D-Lish Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 given that I put myself out there by posting my pictures, I can't help feel like I'm advertising myself to weirdos and perverts. Well, I guess in essence, you are; as am I and many others. I don't remember the last time I answered a POF message. It's no different than a retard in a bar making overatures- you always have that option of saying no, or not answering. I can't tell you how many times I get a sweetly designed message- I don't answer it, then get a sour "you're a bitch" message from the same guy. The last message I answered came from a guy that had a great profile and nice pictures. I thought to myself- wow, too good to be true. He had to be the first guy I responded to in over a 100 unanswered messages. His response to that? "I'd love to spank that pretty little ass of yours..." Jaysus, seriously???
Morals Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Well, I guess in essence, you are; as am I and many others. I don't remember the last time I answered a POF message. It's no different than a retard in a bar making overatures- you always have that option of saying no, or not answering. I can't tell you how many times I get a sweetly designed message- I don't answer it, then get a sour "you're a bitch" message from the same guy. The last message I answered came from a guy that had a great profile and nice pictures. I thought to myself- wow, too good to be true. He had to be the first guy I responded to in over a 100 unanswered messages. His response to that? "I'd love to spank that pretty little ass of yours..." Jaysus, seriously??? I'd like to respond to this. I understand that the first message is nice. While I myself don't even take the route you mention, I understand why he sent you that "offensive" second message. In online dating, men have to assert themselves as a "catch". Remember how you said you get "tons of messages" each day? Well in order to assert themselves at the head of your "list" they try to make sure that you know they want to be more then friends. Contrary to popular belief, alot of the dating sites have women who list that they only want friends, even though they really don't.
VertexSquared Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I live in NYC, and I've been with a girl I met online for almost two months now and everything is going very well. I used a paid site (eH) because I figured that the ones who are willing to pay for such a service are the ones who are more serious about finding someone. I think the key to online dating is to know how to filter out the matches. For example, I was after an intelligent, cute, quirky girl to have a serious relationship with. Therefore, I only looked into profiles that had some element of spark from the getgo. If a profile wasn't filled out, I didn't bother, because the girl I wanted is the type who would *want* to fill everything out with quirky humor that was witty and intelligent. Over the course of about a month, I went out on dates with two girls before I met my current girlfriend. My girlfriend has told me that most of the male matches came across as downright creepy ("One of the things I am most thankful for is sex," etc, was one such comment she told me about). From a male perspective, I can tell you that the female profiles didn't come across as necessarily creepy, but oftentimes boring and nondescript. I think if you can make your profile really interesting, you can gauge what kind of guy you're getting based on their initial response to you. As someone who was after something serious, I always tried to open up a conversation with things from their profile -- either through asking questions or cracking lame jokes. This was my way of letting the girl know that I was interested in them as a person. I didn't even bring up or discuss anything physical (despite the fact that we are both pretty physical people). Again, this was also something that my girlfriend took to very well -- she, like you, said that too many guys pretty much tried to gun everything and jump straight to sex. I think when it comes to online dating, the key to success is to remove as much information asymmetry as you can. Know what you want, and don't be afraid to be picky.
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Yeah, a lot of Bostonians tend to be blunt aggressors It better not be you sending me these awful messages
Sivok Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 It better not be you sending me these awful messages Ofcourse not! I am an absolutely charming and respectful gentleman... And I almost said that with a straight face
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 I live in NYC, and I've been with a girl I met online for almost two months now and everything is going very well. I used a paid site (eH) because I figured that the ones who are willing to pay for such a service are the ones who are more serious about finding someone. I think the key to online dating is to know how to filter out the matches. For example, I was after an intelligent, cute, quirky girl to have a serious relationship with. Therefore, I only looked into profiles that had some element of spark from the getgo. If a profile wasn't filled out, I didn't bother, because the girl I wanted is the type who would *want* to fill everything out with quirky humor that was witty and intelligent. Over the course of about a month, I went out on dates with two girls before I met my current girlfriend. My girlfriend has told me that most of the male matches came across as downright creepy ("One of the things I am most thankful for is sex," etc, was one such comment she told me about). From a male perspective, I can tell you that the female profiles didn't come across as necessarily creepy, but oftentimes boring and nondescript. I think if you can make your profile really interesting, you can gauge what kind of guy you're getting based on their initial response to you. As someone who was after something serious, I always tried to open up a conversation with things from their profile -- either through asking questions or cracking lame jokes. This was my way of letting the girl know that I was interested in them as a person. I didn't even bring up or discuss anything physical (despite the fact that we are both pretty physical people). Again, this was also something that my girlfriend took to very well -- she, like you, said that too many guys pretty much tried to gun everything and jump straight to sex. I think when it comes to online dating, the key to success is to remove as much information asymmetry as you can. Know what you want, and don't be afraid to be picky. Seriously theres not much difference between a paid site and free one with the exception that I'll be forced to spend 20- 30 dollars a month just to meet up with creeps. Yes, online dating has filters to eliminate the good from the bad but een those can only work so well. Like the options on OKC, where I can filter out the " casual sex" volunteers, I'm still being bombarded by men who like to ask for casual sex in their first email. I'm not okay with that. Okay, sexual beings included, I would not state on my profile that I'm a very sexually active person as that will just only just be me digging my own hole to jump into. If I come on too strongly or even flirt outright with a guy he's going to view as a sexual escapade over a catch he's willing to date. It's obvious, that dating involves having sex, but to bring it on the table even before we have met is a no-no and qualifies anyone for an automatic block.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Well, I guess in essence, you are; as am I and many others. I don't remember the last time I answered a POF message. It's no different than a retard in a bar making overatures- you always have that option of saying no, or not answering. I can't tell you how many times I get a sweetly designed message- I don't answer it, then get a sour "you're a bitch" message from the same guy. The last message I answered came from a guy that had a great profile and nice pictures. I thought to myself- wow, too good to be true. He had to be the first guy I responded to in over a 100 unanswered messages. His response to that? "I'd love to spank that pretty little ass of yours..." Jaysus, seriously??? I heard there's alot of trolls on POF, so I have never bothered with it. In fact, I heard most of the men on there are out for an ONS, and women have over-the-top expectations ( " he must be 6ft tall, rich, good-looking, etc'). I do remember that I did get a " you're a bitch" message from someone because I refused to respond to him.
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