DanielMadr Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) One thing I don't get. I always thought that a guys personality/drive is much more important. And even here everyone tells the sad "average" guys that the problem is not their face but their behavior. So if girls don't go for the good looking ones as much as they do for the confident guys...how can a good looking guy score with girls, have options, and become a player?Why do girls say that personality is more important (and I don't think they lie) but assume every good looking guy is a player (has lots of girls). How can he have lots of girls if looks are not that important??? Hey, what does the player actually do for living? Edited June 6, 2010 by DanielMadr
Kang Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 If you hadn't noticed most of the women on here give advice that only "sorta" pertains to real life, they lie to themselves, knowing they do whatever it is we're asking "why" about, and then they spit out the "oh we like blah blah blah not -random BAD characteristic of jerks-" they will never tell you "why" they're like that.. that would be letting the secret out. On topic - I think if you're already good looking you really shouldn't have a problem, women approach me all the time, and I'm more reserved than anything else. I also get hints whenever I'm at bars and the like. Maybe you give off a "get away from me" vibe?
ADF Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I think men have been WAY oversold on this "confidence" business. Sure, being confident is better than being painfull shy. But some guys think confidence is some kind of magic bullet, that if they can somehow manage to give off vibes of pure confidence 24/7, any woman in the world can be yours. What rubbish. First of all, no one can feel confident all the time. And anyone who acts confident all the time is a poser. Second, believing in yourself doesn't mean you'll be able to do anything. Or have anything. Plenty of people on drugs have jumped off of buildings confident they could fly. None ever landed safely.
Sanman Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 The truth is that women go for looks above most else as well. We are all visual creatures and go for what is attractive. Now, I have come to terms with the fact that I am a decent looking guy, but my looks alone will never get women. The fact is that humor, manners, and success in career all allow average guys, like me, to get women. It is simply that I am good looking enough to be acceptable. The uglier you are, the more you need to compensate. Now, I have a gf and don't have anything to prove. However, if you care to know the truth, perform a similar social experiment to the one I did and you will have your answer. Hop onto a free dating site and create a fake profile. I made the guy late twenties, and a struggling musician working an office gig. Then I found pics of the most attractive guy I could that lived on the other side of the country and put up those pics on the profile. In the few weeks the profile was active, I was messaged by more than 30 twenty something single women without a single action or response from me. Some even messaged me multiple times in the hope I would change my mind and contact them. Did every woman contact me? No. However, 30 is a large number without work or provocation. That is how players are players, the rest of us just settle.
somedude81 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Men become players after being with enough girls and knowing how to talk to them and what to do to get girls to sleep with them. It's all about experience. What sets players apart from other guys who are experienced is that a player is fine with being casual with a large number of women. Luck has a large part to do with it. Getting the early success is usually based on luck. Either the guy is just really good looking, or he finds an easy girl, or he was just really confident from some reason.
phineas Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Men become players after being with enough girls and knowing how to talk to them and what to do to get girls to sleep with them. It's all about experience. This. Their good looking & smooth. I used to know a few players. They were all good looking, tall, muscular & had excellent diction.
sagetalk Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 What sets players apart from other guys who are experienced is that a player is fine with being casual with a large number of women. This is a big reason for players success. Most don't care about long term commitment so they just treat the girl how ever they feel like treating her. And usually the treatment is whatever it takes to get sex as soon as possible. Since many women equate sex with love, they end up falling for the guy. Players are walking nightmares for society and create a host of problems that LTR minded guys and family end up having to clean up.
MrNate Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 The truth is that women go for looks above most else as well. We are all visual creatures and go for what is attractive. Now, I have come to terms with the fact that I am a decent looking guy, but my looks alone will never get women. The fact is that humor, manners, and success in career all allow average guys, like me, to get women. It is simply that I am good looking enough to be acceptable. The uglier you are, the more you need to compensate. Now, I have a gf and don't have anything to prove. However, if you care to know the truth, perform a similar social experiment to the one I did and you will have your answer. Hop onto a free dating site and create a fake profile. I made the guy late twenties, and a struggling musician working an office gig. Then I found pics of the most attractive guy I could that lived on the other side of the country and put up those pics on the profile. In the few weeks the profile was active, I was messaged by more than 30 twenty something single women without a single action or response from me. Some even messaged me multiple times in the hope I would change my mind and contact them. Did every woman contact me? No. However, 30 is a large number without work or provocation. That is how players are players, the rest of us just settle. Interesting!
sagetalk Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Hop onto a free dating site and create a fake profile. I made the guy late twenties, and a struggling musician working an office gig. Then I found pics of the most attractive guy I could that lived on the other side of the country and put up those pics on the profile. In the few weeks the profile was active, I was messaged by more than 30 twenty something single women without a single action or response from me. Some even messaged me multiple times in the hope I would change my mind and contact them. Did every woman contact me? No. However, 30 is a large number without work or provocation. That is how players are players, the rest of us just settle. Yep, just put a picture up of a guy with really wide shoulders, over 6 foot, maybe a tattoo with his shirt off, and nothing else matters. You could say he likes video games, jelly beans, pink fairies, grandmothers, eating dirt, it really doesn't matter. Those hot little 20 something girls will message him, I don't need an experiment to know that. But women think with their brains when it comes to romance not their lower region, right? Sure they do, sure they do .
Sanman Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Sagetalk, You just described me in real life and I don't get contacted by a lot of women (though I am not white). Add the skinny and pretty boy to the criteria and you have the pic.
sagetalk Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Sagetalk, You just described me in real life and I don't get contacted by a lot of women (though I am not white). Add the skinny and pretty boy to the criteria and you have the pic. That seems amazing to me. I can't say I've seen too many skinny pretty boys with the best of the best though. I'm a skinny pretty boy and while I'm not complaining, I would definitely say the big guys do better. At least where I live they do.
Sanman Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 That seems amazing to me. I can't say I've seen too many skinny pretty boys with the best of the best though. I'm a skinny pretty boy and while I'm not complaining, I would definitely say the big guys do better. At least where I live they do. Maybe it's an east coast thing. Care to swap residences? Though the pic was still 6 foot with a swimmer's build, think a better looking michael phelps
Author DanielMadr Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Thanks for the responses. Very interesting so far. As for me...I know where my problem is. And I'm going to work on that. So don't worry about me guys Yes I think visual appearance plays some role. I think confidence (I believe it is more complex/has more parts than most think) is not a magic bullet but utterly important. The more I know the more I come to believe that the main problem with confidence or lack of it these days has something to do with missing Adulthood rites of passage. When you kill a lion and your father who taught you how, tells you "You are the man now" and the whole tribe celebrates it makes the difference .... I also believe I got flamed for that (struck a nerve?) that we simply make many mistakes because many of guys have the mentality of boys. Ego and fear driven because we don't know our worth. And we want girls to acknowledge our worth (you have gf you are worthy) but it is sort of catch 22. Back to track...Do you think that players are responsible for 80% of sex men as whole have? It seems like it, when I look around (I don't mean here only)...guys desperatly holdingon their gf afraid of loosing them, bc they know they won't get another easily.....sad
sagetalk Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Back to track...Do you think that players are responsible for 80% of sex men as whole have? It seems like it, when I look around (I don't mean here only)...guys desperatly holdingon their gf afraid of loosing them, bc they know they won't get another easily.....sad I would say for the most part that is true considering the whole reason they want to date women is for sex. The other 80% are actually trying to form something that has meaning which is much harder.
Author DanielMadr Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 I would say for the most part that is true considering the whole reason they want to date women is for sex. The other 80% are actually trying to form something that has meaning which is much harder. Maybe they get it wrong. Because players go for sex but girls end up wanting relationship with them. They go for relationship and most often end up empty handed.
bac Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 One thing I don't get. I always thought that a guys personality/drive is much more important. And even here everyone tells the sad "average" guys that the problem is not their face but their behavior. So if girls don't go for the good looking ones as much as they do for the confident guys...how can a good looking guy score with girls, have options, and become a player?Why do girls say that personality is more important (and I don't think they lie) but assume every good looking guy is a player (has lots of girls). How can he have lots of girls if looks are not that important??? Hey, what does the player actually do for living? You are right. A good-looking guy should have the right personality to score. In fact, improving your personality is kind of easier than improving your looks. So, girls assume that he has a better potential to score. Many hot guys practice being confident and practice makes it better somehow.
Author DanielMadr Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 You are right. A good-looking guy should have the right personality to score. In fact, improving your personality is kind of easier than improving your looks. So, girls assume that he has a better potential to score. Many hot guys practice being confident and practice makes it better somehow. You can't practice that. You become confident by doing things that scare the shyt out of you...sometimes literally. If you just practice confident behavior then you become an actor. A dud.
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