Really? ALL guys want is sex??

[TooAccepting32]

You hear it everywhere.. "Men only want one thing" , "All men want is sex"

I even read it in this stupid book written so that women can understand men.

 

Well I would have to say that if it's true, there's not much point in trying to relate to men. We might as well just ask ourselves if we want to start prioritizing our sexual satisfaction over trying to start a partnership.

 

There are guys who ONLY want to use women for pleasure.. and I've been meeting some like that. I walk the other way and would like to think that's just them, and that there surely are other men out there who could think more of me than something to be used for sex.

 

I believe that men want sex.. sure.. so do women. I have strong desires too.. but I won't have sex unless I'm in something serious and the time is right. I would like to think that some men want more than ONLY sex as well.

 

 

Anyone out there with any words of encouragement - and -

 

More importantly:

Anyone who can give me tips about what to look for to identify a man who really wants something meaningful with a woman in addition to his sexual desire for her?

 

 

tnx

[Kang]

I like to think I'm one of those guys, I've had plenty of chances at one night stands, or fwb situations but I just can't do that. I find it way too impersonal to look at someone as an object of sexual desire.

 

But to answer your question: The shy guys aren't usually in a relationship for sex.. and thats about all I can think of.

 

I wasn't very much help I guess

[DanielMadr]

I like to think I'm one of those guys, I've had plenty of chances at one night stands, or fwb situations but I just can't do that. I find it way too impersonal to look at someone as an object of sexual desire.

You need a connection aka quality girl. You are right. Even when she is hot but b!tchy...never reward bad behavior...hence no sex with you girl.

 

But to answer your question: The shy guys aren't usually in a relationship for sex.. and thats about all I can think of.

 

I wasn't very much help I guess

 

Oh oh. Shy guys are in relationship for intellectual purposes only....or they miss their mummy so much. Grow up shy guys...you have a d!ck and a pair for a reason.

[ADF]

Of course saying that "all men want is sex" is hyperbole. However, it is useful hyperbole, particularly with regards to men in their late teens through mid-20s. Most men in this age range are products of the so-called "hook up culture," and regard dating and relationships as passe--neither desirable nor necessary.

 

You say that while you desire sex in a general sense, you won't do it "unless I'm in something serious and the time is right." That is a TOTALLY alien concept to 99% of men. For men, it is ALWAYS the right time for sex, ALWAYS the right situation. Whether or not a man has sex is purely a matter of opportunity. If he is with a willing female, he'll have sex. If he isn't with a willing female, he won't have sex. Period. It's that simple.

 

The vast majority of younger men simply have no psychological need to form a commmitted, LTRs with women. They just don't. On the contrary, most view such relationships as limiting their range of potential sex partners, and thus shun them like the plague. It is not until men get older that they feel the need to bond with a partner over the long term.

 

And that is the good news. While the odds of meeting a relationship-minded man in your 20s is virtually nil, that changes when you get older. Men begin to feel the same need for love, affection and companionship that women feel starting at a much younger age. If you can make it through the desert of your 20s, you'll find many more men who share your desires waiting on the other side.

[DanielMadr]

Dear OP,

 

What makes you different from his male best friends? If there is no sex (and I mean deep intimacy here) I think you can't be much of a competition for his male friends. That's why sex is important for guys. You smell nice, you are clumsy and you need our protection...and we are wired to respond to that. The same way you respond to masculine features or crying babies.

 

Guys who do you for the sex only....don't actually like you that much if they would they would stick around. They are either ego driven (bed notches) or they are "killing time" until they find someone worthy their full attention.

 

That is the problem...it is hard to tell. Because even the biggest player will stick around if he finds you attractive.

 

How to weed out the bed notchers...Make it obvious you are not looking for fwb or ONS...the honest ones will eject. The bad ones who gonna pretend...well, you just don't put out that easily.

 

But even when a guy wants a relationship with you from the start, he can change his mind after you make him jump through hoops or if he finds something that kills the chemistry.

 

Bottom line...you never know. Be the best you can be and hope for the best. Trust your gut and don't let your fears complicate things too much.

[DanielMadr]

Of course saying that "all men want is sex" is hyperbole. However, it is useful hyperbole, particularly with regards to men in their late teens through mid-20s. Most men in this age range are products of the so-called "hook up culture," and regard dating and relationships as passe--neither desirable nor necessary.

 

You say that while you desire sex in a general sense, you won't do it "unless I'm in something serious and the time is right." That is a TOTALLY alien concept to 99% of men. For men, it is ALWAYS the right time for sex, ALWAYS the right situation. Whether or not a man has sex is purely a matter of opportunity. If he is with a willing female, he'll have sex. If he isn't with a willing female, he won't have sex. Period. It's that simple.

 

The vast majority of younger men simply have no psychological need to form a commmitted, LTRs with women. They just don't. On the contrary, most view such relationships as limiting their range of potential sex partners, and thus shun them like the plague. It is not until men get older that they feel the need to bond with a partner over the long term.

 

And that is the good news. While the odds of meeting a relationship-minded man in your 20s is virtually nil, that changes when you get older. Men begin to feel the same need for love, affection and companionship that women feel starting at a much younger age. If you can make it through the desert of your 20s, you'll find many more men who share your desires waiting on the other side.

 

I think the situation is mainly girls fault. 90% of males are not serial daters and would be more than happy for one willing partner-regular sex.

Girls in their 20s are in demand, they know it and are enjoying life, d!ck hopping like crazy probably thanks to Girl Power and Sex(Slvvts) in the City etc. Lots of guys just try to keep up...not to get hurt by being dumped. Afterall males are supposed to be more promiscuous. Reality-in average girls have probably 3times more sexual partners than guys.

[ADF]

I think the situation is mainly girls fault. 90% of males are not serial daters and would be more than happy for one willing partner-regular sex.

Girls in their 20s are in demand, they know it and are enjoying life, d!ck hopping like crazy probably thanks to Girl Power and Sex(Slvvts) in the City etc. Lots of guys just try to keep up...not to get hurt by being dumped. Afterall males are supposed to be more promiscuous. Reality-in average girls have probably 3times more sexual partners than guys.

I disagree with just about everything you said.

 

Very few men young men would be happy with just one sexual partner. Not if they knew they had a choice. And it isn't men who I see (and hear) complaining about "dick hopping." It is women who want more meaningful relationships, and men who don't want them. And it is men, not women, who tend to have more sex partners (though not as many as is widely believed).

 

A recent academic study of the "hook up culture" on two American campuses found a striking phenomenon. While 75% of the men surveyed were generally satisfied with hooking up, less than 25% of the women were happy with it. Morever, the women disliked it for the exact same reason as the men liked it: because it "led to nothing."

 

Clearly, a culture that emphasizes casual, no-strings sex caters to most men's sexual interests while ignoring women's.

[Serenitynow]

A lot of guys I know do look at womens as objects. The only advice I can give is to hold out on sleeping with a new date for a month or longer. Many guys wont hang around that long.

 

I am willing to go months without sex if I could ever get a date. But then again, if I wait too long to make a move, then many women lose the attraction, and think you are a weirdo for being gun shy

 

So basically I lose either way.

[brainygirl]

A lot of guys I know do look at womens as objects. The only advice I can give is to hold out on sleeping with a new date for a month or longer. Many guys wont hang around that long.

 

I am willing to go months without sex if I could ever get a date. But then again, if I wait too long to make a move, then many women lose the attraction, and think you are a weirdo for being gun shy

 

So basically I lose either way.

 

There is a difference between holding off on going all the way or not pressing for sex when she isn't ready and showing absolutely no sexual interest in a woman.

 

The first two are perfectly fine, the second makes me think that he isn't into me at all.

[Serenitynow]

the second makes me think that he isn't into me at all

 

Thats the problem.

 

Women are SO used to guys going for the slam dunk, that if a guy holds back she will wonder if he likes her.

 

And instead of asking him directly, she will come on here to ask strangers to determine her decision that will impact the guy thats trying to not be like all the labeled jerks out there.

[somedude81]

All men want sex, many men want more than just sex.

 

Just try to be a judge of character and find out if he's the kind of guy that is just looking for a lay.

 

Usually the guys that want to have sex very quickly, and seem like they won't take no for an answer are just looking for some tail.

[MrNate]

You hear it everywhere.. "Men only want one thing" , "All men want is sex"

I even read it in this stupid book written so that women can understand men.

 

Well I would have to say that if it's true, there's not much point in trying to relate to men. We might as well just ask ourselves if we want to start prioritizing our sexual satisfaction over trying to start a partnership.

 

There are guys who ONLY want to use women for pleasure.. and I've been meeting some like that. I walk the other way and would like to think that's just them, and that there surely are other men out there who could think more of me than something to be used for sex.

 

I believe that men want sex.. sure.. so do women. I have strong desires too.. but I won't have sex unless I'm in something serious and the time is right. I would like to think that some men want more than ONLY sex as well.

 

 

Anyone out there with any words of encouragement - and -

 

More importantly:

Anyone who can give me tips about what to look for to identify a man who really wants something meaningful with a woman in addition to his sexual desire for her?

 

 

tnx

 

I think that's the million dollar question for all women. If you ever figure that out, you would write a best seller and be a million..heck, billionaire.

 

But I think it's a matter of making your intentions known from the get go.

[Brady_to_Moss]

Thats the problem.

 

Women are SO used to guys going for the slam dunk, that if a guy holds back she will wonder if he likes her.

 

And instead of asking him directly, she will come on here to ask strangers to determine her decision that will impact the guy thats trying to not be like all the labeled jerks out there.

 

 

x2. So typical its sad.

[Serenitynow]

AND

 

to add to this, if a guy talks with the girl and tells her, "hey I want to let you know I'm not in this just for sex, I appreciate being with you.

 

Then that puts the ball in HER court, so now shes the one that has to either verbally tell him ok you have the green light, or try to come up with some sign letting him know she wants to have sex.

 

Either one of the above options is a long shot, because most women HATE being the one to initiate. Because than if something goes wrong later on, they cant put the blame or the cliched label that the GUY was at fault for her getting into bed.

[DanielMadr]

I disagree with just about everything you said.

 

Very few men young men would be happy with just one sexual partner. Not if they knew they had a choice. And it isn't men who I see (and hear) complaining about "dick hopping."

Yes. But young men DON'T have the options. It seems that 20% of guys are having all the fun meanwhile 80% of guys are just sitting at home playing video games after rejection. Lots of my friends got married with the first girl who "gave" them, out of fear they won't get lucky again. That's REALITY.

It is women who want more meaningful relationships, and men who don't want them.

Yep. But the problem is they don't in reality. Girls don't want to marry in their early 20s like it was before. They want to travel, party and/or make money and/or career. And they upgrade their bf more often than it was before. You can't deny that.

 

And it is men, not women, who tend to have more sex partners (though not as many as is widely believed).

They would like to, they tend but in reality they don't. 80% of men just takes scraps.

 

A recent academic study of the "hook up culture" on two American campuses found a striking phenomenon. While 75% of the men surveyed were generally satisfied with hooking up, less than 25% of the women were happy with it. Morever, the women disliked it for the exact same reason as the men liked it: because it "led to nothing."

Yes I believe it. It is true that men are more OK with casual sex. However the reality makes many of them so desperate they would like the relationship.

Btw...It is the core of "Nice guy Syndrome"...these guys are brainwashed to believe that girls want a husband and they behave like one. And they end up jerking off alone. I know the problem is in something slightly different. But it shows something doesn't it?

 

Clearly, a culture that emphasizes casual, no-strings sex caters to most men's sexual interests while ignoring women's.

Yes that's right. Funny thing is....Feminism promoted the Girl Power thing and sexual freedom for girls....but it seems it backfired.

 

Go to Campus and ask them on Gender studies (mostly feminists) what about sex after marriage. They will stone you and acuse you of promoting patriarchy (or whatever thing they blame these days).

[sagetalk]

AND

because most women HATE being the one to initiate. Because than if something goes wrong later on, they cant put the blame or the cliched label that the GUY was at fault for her getting into bed.

 

Touche sir, touche. Now how many women are you going to get to admit that golden egg of truth, zero .

 

I think alot of girls like dating jerks because they get to dump the blame on them for everything and they always come out looking good.

[DanielMadr]

AND

 

to add to this, if a guy talks with the girl and tells her, "hey I want to let you know I'm not in this just for sex, I appreciate being with you.

 

Then that puts the ball in HER court, so now shes the one that has to either verbally tell him ok you have the green light, or try to come up with some sign letting him know she wants to have sex.

 

Either one of the above options is a long shot, because most women HATE being the one to initiate. Because than if something goes wrong later on, they cant put the blame or the cliched label that the GUY was at fault for her getting into bed.

 

Wake up dude.

When a girl is interested she does not mind you going for sex.

Your problem is you can't get them interested. And you can't because you are thinking about what they could want and shyt. They want a Man who goes for them. Not a boy who is afraid of offending them. And I guarantee you that when you start to meet more girls...you will be more careful about relationships. Not many quality girls/givers today. Most of them are spoiled rotten princesses who think they are entitled to anything just because they are.

 

You like her, go for it and let her think about what she wants.

[ADF]

Yes that's right. Funny thing is....Feminism promoted the Girl Power thing and sexual freedom for girls....but it seems it backfired.

 

Go to Campus and ask them on Gender studies (mostly feminists) what about sex after marriage. They will stone you and acuse you of promoting patriarchy (or whatever thing they blame these days).

 

I know plenty of feminists, have dated several, and thus can say with confidence your obvious disdain for them is unfounded. Sure, there are a few who take things to extremes. People like that exist everywhere. But your characterization of feminists and bellicose man-haters is just silly. The overwhelming majority are not like that at all.

 

Incidently, "Girl Power" was a slogan used by the Spice Girl back in the 1990s. It had nothing to do with 1970s feminism.

[DanielMadr]

Touche sir, touche. Now how many women are you going to get to admit that golden egg of truth, zero .

 

I think alot of girls like dating jerks because they get to dump the blame on them for everything and they always come out looking good.

 

It is more complicated than that.

If you can't bear the responsibility for things how can a girl? They are real chicken shyts You have testosterone level to match the worries with courage.

[Serenitynow]

DanielMadr

 

You post the most useless information and opinions on this forum.

 

And I guarantee many would agree with me. You make no sense with your rambling about "boys"

 

99% percent of your posts refer to your "boy vs man" fetish which usually doesnt even have anything to do with the topic from the OP.

[DanielMadr]

I know plenty of feminists, have dated several, and thus can say with confidence your obvious disdain for them is unfounded. Sure, there are a few who take things to extremes. People like that exist everywhere. But your characterization of feminists and bellicose man-haters is just silly. The overwhelming majority are not like that at all.

 

Incidently, "Girl Power" was a slogan used by the Spice Girl back in the 1990s. It had nothing to do with 1970s feminism.

 

But you agree with me otherwise, right?

 

I'm not saying feminists are evil although many of them are soft in the head communists (all animals are equal). I actually blame the pill and condom for the age of no string relationships. But popular culture Spice Girls...is not very "Hey girls let's stop parting and have relationship" and I don't see feminists to negate that as it serves their agenda of eroding society...they are commies after all.

[DanielMadr]

You post the most useless information and opinions on this forum.

 

And I guarantee many would agree with me. You make no sense with your rambling about "boys"

 

99% percent of your posts refer to your "boy vs man" fetish which usually doesnt even have anything to do with the topic from the OP.

 

One day you (if you are still the little boy/just assuming here) will see. I had to man up the hard way. I'm just trying to help so guys don't have to go the same thorn path. But I guess, after all everyone has to go that way to see.

So just ignore my post from here on or turn me to the gestapo mods to ban me.

[EmeraldHeart]

AND

 

to add to this, if a guy talks with the girl and tells her, "hey I want to let you know I'm not in this just for sex, I appreciate being with you.

 

Then that puts the ball in HER court, so now shes the one that has to either verbally tell him ok you have the green light, or try to come up with some sign letting him know she wants to have sex.

 

Either one of the above options is a long shot, because most women HATE being the one to initiate. Because than if something goes wrong later on, they cant put the blame or the cliched label that the GUY was at fault for her getting into bed.

 

I am in that situation now and I will have no issue telling him when I am ready for sex. I have already told him that I am really looking forward to it and it is getting hard to resist. He is supposed to be getting his STD tests done this month...once cleared it is a green light.

[Shakz]

A man's biological imperative is to spread his seed as widely as possible. A woman's is to nest and raise offspring. It's as simple as that. Understanding that is the key to understanding human relationships. A woman want's a man who will invest some time to nesting, a man want's a woman who will help him satisfy his imperative. This dynamic is what makes relationships possible. A woman can't overplay her hand, and a man can only bluff so far, or the relationship is doomed. Only when both parties surrender their imperative can a relationship last for more than a few years. We call this success?

[bac]

All men want sex. Also, many want a relationship with the right woman.

The point is that you are not the right woman for every man. That is why most men want just sex with you. If you find a man who is right for you and you are right for him, you can build a relationship.

If you look for a man in the right places, you can meet him easily.

If you look for a man online and you are not rich, it is very hard to find him.

 

It is very easy to rule out men who are wrong for you and into casual sex, you should use rule of 5 dates (or more) before you have sex. Men who are looking only for sex are not capable to handle 5 (more) dates before sex. Also, by 5 date you should know a man well enough to figure out if he has potential for a serious relationship.