difficult break up.

[tinkerbelle21]

Hey,

I just feel the need to post on here what i have been through and express my feelings.

I went out with a ex for a year and we were constantly on and off. I really loved him and put a lot into it but never felt like i got the same back. He was a complete compulsive liar and after a few occasions when i found out that he lied I tried to end it but through his mind games and begging I foolishly always took him back. But cos I was well aware of the lies I could never ever trust him or believe what he said. Even simple things like what had he been up to and I always doubted his stories. Ultimately, I couldnt trust him. One time, he told me he was in ill and in hospital only to discover after I planned to visit him that he was in fact in a different city with a girl! Another time, I caught him emailing this awful ugly girl for sex after i had only just left his house! This broke my heart and we broke up for a few months but he promised me and begged me that he changed so we tried again. It made me feel so insecure and questioning why did he feel that i wasnt good enough? I hate him for the way he made me feel about myself. During this time apart I briefly met someone else but it didnt work...when my ex found out about this he went completely crazy on me and very nearly threw a concoction of posion and chemicals over me! I don't know what's the matter with me but i still stayed with him hoping i could be the one girl to make him change but it never happened i have finally ended it with him and told him to meet someone else and encouraged him to meet and date other girls. I know i need to get rid of him but i still find it hard. I know he has been out with a few girls and likes one of them but i can't help but really hate it! I keeep thinking that he will be different to her and treat her right even though i don't think he will ever change. All of my friends and family say i am too good for him because to be fair he is quite unattractive and loserish with no prospects but i feel so angry with him for making me feel so insecure and full of self doubt. Part of me is embarrased for being with him and putting up with his behaviour. He never seemed to appreciate me or what we had. We don't talk anymore but i wish i didn't even think about him or have a peek on his facebook cos then i annoy myself. i just now want to get over him for good and not think about him anymore cos it's really not good for me and gets me down please some help would be amazing! x

[ADF]

I am going to be very honest with you.

 

The picture you paint of this man is of a cold-hearted, self-centered sociopath. However, you also paint a picture of yourself as a weak, needy, pathetic person who is longing for the attention of a cold-hearted sociopath.

 

I predict a lot of responses to your post are going to be nasty, and the nastiness is going to be directed at you. Anyone can misjudge someone. Anyone can be fooled. But when a person so clearly sees she's being abused, yet craves the attention of her abuser, people tend to lose respect for her.

 

I think you need to get some professional help. I can see you repeating this pattern over and over in your life, much to your detriment.

[Brightmoon]

Hey,

I just feel the need to post on here what i have been through and express my feelings.

I went out with a ex for a year and we were constantly on and off. I really loved him and put a lot into it but never felt like i got the same back. He was a complete compulsive liar and after a few occasions when i found out that he lied I tried to end it but through his mind games and begging I foolishly always took him back. But cos I was well aware of the lies I could never ever trust him or believe what he said. Even simple things like what had he been up to and I always doubted his stories. Ultimately, I couldnt trust him. One time, he told me he was in ill and in hospital only to discover after I planned to visit him that he was in fact in a different city with a girl! Another time, I caught him emailing this awful ugly girl for sex after i had only just left his house! This broke my heart and we broke up for a few months but he promised me and begged me that he changed so we tried again. It made me feel so insecure and questioning why did he feel that i wasnt good enough? I hate him for the way he made me feel about myself. During this time apart I briefly met someone else but it didnt work...when my ex found out about this he went completely crazy on me and very nearly threw a concoction of posion and chemicals over me! I don't know what's the matter with me but i still stayed with him hoping i could be the one girl to make him change but it never happened i have finally ended it with him and told him to meet someone else and encouraged him to meet and date other girls. I know i need to get rid of him but i still find it hard. I know he has been out with a few girls and likes one of them but i can't help but really hate it! I keeep thinking that he will be different to her and treat her right even though i don't think he will ever change. All of my friends and family say i am too good for him because to be fair he is quite unattractive and loserish with no prospects but i feel so angry with him for making me feel so insecure and full of self doubt. Part of me is embarrased for being with him and putting up with his behaviour. He never seemed to appreciate me or what we had. We don't talk anymore but i wish i didn't even think about him or have a peek on his facebook cos then i annoy myself. i just now want to get over him for good and not think about him anymore cos it's really not good for me and gets me down please some help would be amazing! x

 

 

Hi Tinkerbelle... firstly welcome to the forum.

 

I am sorry you are going through the mill like this.

 

I am wondering in what way you want help.

 

Tinkerbelle.... he should not have so much power over you to make you feel so low. He is mirroring how you fee about yourself.

 

You clearly, clearly have low self esteem. That is why you are hankering after such a loser... You can get yourself out of this hole... and professional help has got to be a good start.

 

 

But want to reiterate.. in what way do you want help?

[tinkerbelle21]

Thank you for your replies.

I suppose when i say i need help....i just wanted some words of wisdom or advice? If that makes sense? I constantly remind myself of how much better I am without him, but I forgot to mention that this has been my first relationship and fair to say it hasn't been the most simple or easy! I sometimes wonder what he's doing etc but I never, ever want to be with him again.....

Is there any way I can forget about him completely and not even wonder about him? I don't want to even waste a thought on thinking about him because I want to lose all of the control he had over me? He's not even worth thinking about but I don't know how to control my thoughts lol!

 

I feel pretty good at the mo cos I have had no contact and stuck to it even when he tries to contact me I ignore it. This was hard but I managed to do it and am definately going to keep it up!

 

Oh I just wanted to add I never considered him as being a sociopath but once you mentioned this it made me think. I did a lot of reading about it and I now realise that he is many of these traits! At first I was schocked when I realised...but I also feel relieved that I am as much removed as possible from him!

 

Thanks for reading and replying!