Dumped for the first time... by my one and only true love...and fiance

[sara_jane]

I was dating the most amazing individual under the earthly sun. Sweet and attentive is not the word. He epitomised all the qualities I have ever respected in a human being, gentle and kind, intelligent, filled with homour…somewhat of a hermit and not too keen on people and their ways [which suited me fine as I have not been treated very well by people and was content to spend the majority of my time with him…my best friend]...the list is endless. But when I met him I had a ticket booked for Europe. I met him by chance, he was a friend of my brothers, and the only reason I really booked the ticket to Europe in the first place was due to the fact that my vehicle was stolen, and here in South Africa one cannot survive without a vehicle, as the public transportation is shocking. But we were really close, it was like we had known each other for years. As the bond between us deepened it was as if our relationship had been accelerated in a sense. We grew attached to a greater degree than I could have ever imagined, in such a short space of time. My family urged me to push him for some kind of deeper commitment since I was sacrificing my dreams of travelling around Europe [which he had already done] and we became engaged as a consequence. But then came the nitty gritt of planning a wedding, and the contractual stress of marriage, which resulted in additional stress as I was/am not as financially stable as he was/is [he had saved a substantial amount of money in his overseas travels where he worked as a systems architect in Scandinavia and Great Britain]. His family were very protective over him, his best friends beside myself. We did venture overseas together for a month last year, and he was introduced to my relatives in Switzerland and England, which was an intimacy that I have never afforded another soul.

But I had given up my job, and on our return I was depressed and bored. I am now working for my dad's new company...but initially it was difficult to stay positive. And I put him through an emotional torture in an unstable environment that I don't think he had ever before experienced. And now he has bid our relationship adieu...and is remaining strong and adamant that it is over.

I just want to know how it is possible to turn off ones' emotions like that... to walk away...not answer the phone...turn a blind eye to another's strife and anguish after sharing such moments...especially since we were so close...despite the occasional tiffs...we spent one night away from each other in the space of 11 months.

One cannot fully understand and even appreciate how deeply upset I am over the whole incidence...and all close to me tell me it takes time to distance oneself [although he is doing a good job of it already - he spoke to his mother about how immaturely I had been acting of late and now I feel that since they are so close it is something he cannot go back on].

Every fibre of my being is crying out for him… I repent that I did not always treat him well…but never really conceived that he would leave me…I acted immaturely and have seen the errors of my ways…put him through a roller coaster of emotions…He told me he was working too hard and putting too much energy into me…and I would have to agree with him…but I am old enough to correct this…if he would only give me another chance.

If I could do anything, say anything, give up anything, I would…to get him back.

Pathetic as it may be… I really cannot imagine my life without him as he is so far engrained under my skin it is scary. I have been in enough relationships to know when it is REAL...when I am truly in love...when I am committed. And I don't want to give this one up? I am not too keen on going overseas without him…as after our trip I realise the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

 

Any advice?

[moimeme]

Only *very* rarely can a situation like this can be mended. Unfortunately, you have been the agent of your own life lesson. Yours serves as a cautionary tale to others:

 

I repent that I did not always treat him well…but never really conceived that he would leave me…

 

This is exactly why nobody should ever take a relationship for granted. People can only take so much.

 

I acted immaturely and have seen the errors of my ways…put him through a roller coaster of emotions…He told me he was working too hard and putting too much energy into me…and I would have to agree with him…but I am old enough to correct this…if he would only give me another chance.

 

Love will not survive everything. You cannot mistreat someone indefinitely and expect that person to keep coming back for more. You needed to correct it while there was a relationship to salvage. Unfortunately, you did not and are suffering the consequences. I am sorry you have lost your love but there is likely no hope of repairing this situation.