Trevorlovesher Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 It's a mess I got into as none of my family members will accept her. If I told my mother, she would go ballistic and blame her for ruining my life. Apart from this, there is an age difference of 6 years between us. I'm 19 years and in college while she's 25. Base on what she told me, they have been married for 4 years and their child is 2 years old (it's a girl). However she is very miserable in her marriage and it's been about 3 months since we've been seeing each other. I can't stop thinking about her nor how our future would be like. She promises to leave her husband as he's an abusive alcohol. No child deserves to have that as a father esp. not a sweet little girl. I'll have no issues giving her my last name and being the father future. Is there any way I can be happily with her without my family having to intervene? Can we finally be happily together? No intercourse has happened but lots of kissing and some petting. Will this relationship lasted this time? In my two previous ones, both girls dumped me in less than a month. It was great until they wanted to know about my past and like an idiot, I told them I really had none.
bentnotbroken Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 That child has a father(abusive or not, which I doubt). You can't plan to take over another man's life. 19 is too young to be playing house. Get a good education, live life with integrity and the right person will come along when the time is right. This chick ain't it.
jthorne Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 That child has a father(abusive or not, which I doubt). You can't plan to take over another man's life. 19 is too young to be playing house. Get a good education, live life with integrity and the right person will come along when the time is right. This chick ain't it. I agree. Regardless of her situation (which is probably not as bad as she portrays it), you are far too young to be head of household. How would you even support a wife and baby? Much less one with a lot of baggage. Why would you want a pre-made family at 19? There are plenty of single girls out there. I have an idea this woman is taking advantage of your inexperience. Better break it off before this abusive husband comes after your teenaged rear end.
Author Trevorlovesher Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 That child has a father(abusive or not, which I doubt). You can't plan to take over another man's life. 19 is too young to be playing house. Get a good education, live life with integrity and the right person will come along when the time is right. This chick ain't it.I have always loved children and it breaks my heart every time I hear news about child abuse. Wife beaters are also ones I really desire to give them a beating. Any man who hits a woman or abuses his children to me it's a coward who deserves getting knock-out. I once saw a man shoving a woman hard and if it wasn't for my friend who stopped me, there is no telling what damages I would have done to that guy. What if her husband is really abusive and because I did nothing, something happened to her and the little girl?
bentnotbroken Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 You have no proof of what you are saying. You only have her word for it. Think about it, if he is that abusive, why would she take the chance of pisses him off by cheating? There is a world of difference between 19 and 25. I have been both ages and have a child closer to 25. I have seen the maturity that typically occurs from one age to the next. You aren't equipped to take care of yourself in today's economy without an education, much less a woman who is more than possibly lying and a child. You know this deep down...you already said she wouldn't be accepted because your family will be able to see through her story just like most people who passed through this part of life.
Author Trevorlovesher Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 How would you even support a wife and baby?By working and moving into my friend's cousin's flat. When I have enough money I'll rent a small apartment and then proceed on to a house. Much less one with a lot of baggage. Why would you want a pre-made family at 19?I know it may sound crazy but now I can't get both her and the little girl out of my mind. It feels real but then I'm reminded she's married and I'm not the father. I have fallen in love with this woman. None of this happened with other girls. There was none of this special chemistry. There are plenty of single girls out there. I have an idea this woman is taking advantage of your inexperience. Better break it off before this abusive husband comes after your teenaged rear end.I have no success when it comes to dating. Many women dislike teaching and once I tell them the truth (like I used to), I'm dumped quickly. Many of my friend had a girlfriend by the time they were 15. They all comment on their experience while I got nothing special to tell. If there was a way to get rid of this I would but at the same time, I might withdrawn, get nervous and messed it up. I really want to get rid of this.
pureinheart Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 It's a mess I got into as none of my family members will accept her. If I told my mother, she would go ballistic and blame her for ruining my life. Apart from this, there is an age difference of 6 years between us. I'm 19 years and in college while she's 25. Base on what she told me, they have been married for 4 years and their child is 2 years old (it's a girl). However she is very miserable in her marriage and it's been about 3 months since we've been seeing each other. I can't stop thinking about her nor how our future would be like. She promises to leave her husband as he's an abusive alcohol. No child deserves to have that as a father esp. not a sweet little girl. I'll have no issues giving her my last name and being the father future. Is there any way I can be happily with her without my family having to intervene? Can we finally be happily together? No intercourse has happened but lots of kissing and some petting. Will this relationship lasted this time? In my two previous ones, both girls dumped me in less than a month. It was great until they wanted to know about my past and like an idiot, I told them I really had none. Hi Trevor and welcome to LS....first off, try not to let your family run your life...if you get together in the future with this girl and little girl, then it is your life, not theirs. I would encourage your gf to get help, her abusive spouse needs be reported as you are right, there is a child involved here...good luck to you Trevor and please keep posting :) ((((hugs Trevor))))
Trimmer Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 I have always loved children and it breaks my heart every time I hear news about child abuse. Wife beaters are also ones I really desire to give them a beating. Any man who hits a woman or abuses his children to me it's a coward who deserves getting knock-out. I once saw a man shoving a woman hard and if it wasn't for my friend who stopped me, there is no telling what damages I would have done to that guy. What if her husband is really abusive and because I did nothing, something happened to her and the little girl? What if her husband is really abusive, adn because you were having an affair with her, something even worse happened to her and the little girl? Get a grip, man. If something bad is happening, then she has a responsibility to protect her child and get out of the situation. If you can be of some logistical help in that, so be it, but your developing a relationship with her is likely to make things immensely worse, once it is discovered. By your actions, you are putting that little girl more at risk, and not doing much to help anyone get out of it. Aside from that, you are a deer in the headlights, and a big truck is bearing down...
jthorne Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 If you really think this woman is being abused, the best thing to do is help her seek assistance, be it from the law or a battered woman's shelter. You will NOT help her by trying to cultivate a romantic relationship with her.
BB07 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 If you really think this woman is being abused, the best thing to do is help her seek assistance, be it from the law or a battered woman's shelter. You will NOT help her by trying to cultivate a romantic relationship with her. EXCELLENT advice! It's not your place to rescue her, she has to rescue herself and her child and if you get in the middle of it, it can make things lots worse for her.
fooled once Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 It's a mess I got into as none of my family members will accept her. If I told my mother, she would go ballistic and blame her for ruining my life. Apart from this, there is an age difference of 6 years between us. I'm 19 years and in college while she's 25. Base on what she told me, they have been married for 4 years and their child is 2 years old (it's a girl). However she is very miserable in her marriage and it's been about 3 months since we've been seeing each other. I can't stop thinking about her nor how our future would be like. She promises to leave her husband as he's an abusive alcohol. No child deserves to have that as a father esp. not a sweet little girl. I'll have no issues giving her my last name and being the father future. Is there any way I can be happily with her without my family having to intervene? Can we finally be happily together? No intercourse has happened but lots of kissing and some petting. Will this relationship lasted this time? In my two previous ones, both girls dumped me in less than a month. It was great until they wanted to know about my past and like an idiot, I told them I really had none. Oh man, you are so young... and I have a feeling .... very naive. My guess - she is LYING about her husband. Secondly, you cannot give her child YOUR name UNLESS the father would agree to allow you to adopt the child. I personally do not see a future here - you are a distraction for this girl. She is playing you .... in my view. You aren't dating her - she is MARRIED - married people don't date. You need to find a nice single girl. I am sure your family WILL intervene and rightfully so. Depending on how much of what she tells you is true, WHEN her husband finds out, you may need your family because I am pretty sure he is going to want to kick your butt - especially since you are already thinking you are going to take his child from him. Let this girl go - she has a lot of growing up to do. Hopefully, someone will ensure her child is being brought up okay because between both parents, that child needs stable parents and neither one sounds stable to me.
fooled once Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Also - if you are SOOOO concerned, call the police. But I would bet they would find a family at home, together laughing and sharing. You have NO idea what you are doing here and if her child is in danger, SHAME ON HER for not protecting her. Maybe the child being raised by foster parents is better since, according to what you say, the father is abusive and the MOTHER is doing nothing to stop the abuse. And you think you and her and her child moving into your friend's cousins flat is appropriate? What is this about not having a past or experience with sex? What does that have to do with anything? Are you saying girls dumped you because you hadn't had a ton of sex? Where are you meeting these people??? At your age, I was a virgin - but even after I wasn't, I never asked the guy I was with how many others he had been with and what kind of experience he had She is NOT your girlfriend - she is married to someone else.
Art_Critic Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (it's a girl) You mean the child is a girl.. I think you need to take a step back and look at what you are doing.. It seems you are in way over your head and you will need your family to deal with something like this.. I mean they will have a new Step Grand Daughter.. Right ? Time to look at what consequences your actiions are going to have at this point in your life..
Dexter Morgan Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 However she is very miserable in her marriage and it's been about 3 months since we've been seeing each other. did it occur to you that she is miserable because she doesn't like being tied down to the same person? and if she wants to have an affair, she isn't going to get many takers if she were to tell guys she loves her marriage. I can't stop thinking about her nor how our future would be like. She promises to leave her husband as he's an abusive alcohol. and you have seen this first hand? No child deserves to have that as a father esp. not a sweet little girl. I'll have no issues giving her my last name and being the father future. you are not her father. you can be her friend, but she has a father. have you met the husband? seen him? seen him drunk? how do you know how he is? because she told you? all honesty, you are 19...you still don't know squat about the world, and you want to get involved with a married woman? a cheater....and have plans on replacing someone else as a child's father? I think you need to listen to your family. They have it right.
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I don't mean to be cruel. But if you're not at a point in your life where you can tell your family to stuff it if they don't like your GF, then you're probably not at a point in your life where you're ready for this relationship. The chances that the person you are dating at 19 is the person you will end up sharing the rest of your life with are EXTREMELY small. It can happen, but it is rare. Also, getting involved with a woman still legally married is a bad idea. Ask any woman who has had an affair with a MM. Plenty of people who say they are going to divorce never do. For those that do, divoirce is a long, brutal process that can end in both partners' financial ruin and leave them shattered and bitter for years. Are you ready to deal with the fallout from that at 19? These are just some of the things you should be thinking about.
vanilla chai Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 If her husand is abusive why would she risk having a affair and her husbands wrath if he finds out.
Fieldsofgold Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 If her husand is abusive why would she risk having a affair and her husbands wrath if he finds out. EXACTLY!!! I was once 25, with a 3 year old daughter and an unfaithful, abusive, alcoholic husband. My ONLY thought was how to get my daughter and myself away safely. I would NEVER have risked something as potentially deadly as an affair. My abusive husband was always (wrongly) suspecting me of an affair. I had to account for every minute - how long I stood in line at the grocery store, that sort of thing. That is not an uncommon scenario with abusive husbands. I cannot imagine your MW would risk the consequences - or be able to get by with it for long. She would be leaving - not having an affair. So are you giving her money or other help?
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 If her husand is abusive why would she risk having a affair and her husbands wrath if he finds out. because quite possibly the MW is full of s##t.
Fieldsofgold Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Are you giving her money, or is she benefitting from the relationship in some other tangible way?
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