luname84 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 My boyfriend and i have recently celebrated our 6 month annaversery. He is wonderful to me. He is attentive, loving, he's introduced me to his family and friends, i feel that i can tell him anything. Anywho, i am in love with him. he's just wonderful...obviously that's why i love him:love:. but he hasn't said "i love you" to me. His actions certainly show love, they show that he's crazy about me...but still no words. i kindda brought it up to him a few days ago.I said: "honey i was talking to a friend of mine and she asked if we'd said 'i love you' yeat.when i said 'no' She made a face and changed the subject.that made me feel odd,like there was something wrong with us. do think we're odd for not saying 'i love you'?" he said 'no' that your're supposed to say the words when you mean them. He said that those are not words you simply toss around because you really like someone.they are words you say because you've gotten to really know this person. That you are past the honeymoon stage, you are aware of all this person's imperfections and the things that annoy you, but yet you can't help looking at them and think "i love you". he says too many people say ' love you' when what they really mean is 'right now i really like you'. but when you say 'i love you' the only thing it should mean is ' i LOVE you,indefenetly' and that there is nothing wrong with us.I agreed since i really don't think any one should say the words before 5 months. However, I LOVE HIM. and its really starting to hurt that he hasn't said "i love you".He's obviously not ready to say it, and i'm not going to be all needy and clingy by saying it first.Besides if he's not ready those words would just spook him away. I've decided to give it another 6 months (that will make it a year) before i do anything, like decided to take a break or break up entirely if he doesn't say the words. I mean there is fine line between taking your time and plain out waisting it you know. But even though i've decided to wait, i noticed i get more frustuated with him lately, and i think it's because i'm truely upset that he hasn't said 'i love you' i don't know what to do! i can't get rid of this anger inside but i'm also not going to leave him. What do you guys think? i'm i blowing this out of proportion? How long should ' i love you' take? am i wasting my time?
TouchedByViolet Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 6 months in a committed relationship is a significant amount of time. As a guy, I would know if I loved someone by then. I think it is ok for you to tell him how you feel at this point in the relationship. Say those 3 words! And if he doesn't like it well, I'm sure you will find someone who will.
prettybaby Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 It took me one year to say it. He's not very verbal when it comes to those things, but I know he's crazy about me
Author luname84 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 so you said "i love you" after a year but he didn't?
fiat500 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) if he doesn't say it first and you hit the year mark then something is really wrong. also, you have to absolutely leave him if he doesn't tell you that he loves you in a year. that's more than enough time. you're special and you deserve to be loved. if this guy can't figure it out by then, then he's a tool and dumb for wasting YOUR time. you can't wait around for him and be a doormat. find a way to distill your irritation for the time being. don't be angry now. give him a little more time. like you said, wait another six months and that's it. Edited June 5, 2010 by fiat500
CandyGirlXO Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Well mine took 10 months but I know exactly how you feel. This is funny to look back on but we were actually looking for apartments to rent BEFORE he said I love you. Haha but I was so in love with him that I was extremely patient with him. I know it's frustrating but give it sometime. If he treats you like he loves you he will tell you eventually I agree with you. If it's been a year I would bring it up. I was going to do the same thing at our one year mark but luckily I didn't have to. Now he tells me everyday Hang in there. I know how you feel but it's better that he treats you like he loves you but doesn't say it than someone who says I love you but treats you like crap. I've had that before. I think my bf expected me to say it first but I'm just not like that. I made him say it first.
DanielMadr Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Actions speak louder than words. I don't understand why are refusing to say these words first, when you feel them. Actually he probably waits for you to say that, because when a girl is too scared to say that first, she is not really in love - she still plays the power game. Once you are ready to give yourself to him-surrender, then you are in love. If you are not ready to overcome your fears...you actually don't trust him enough. Even if you was 100% sure he does not love you and never will, you can say those those words. It won't kill you.
phineas Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 I wait for the woman to say it first now. It usually takes about a yr. the few times I said it first (usually around the yr mark) they pulled away & it ended.
Psymon Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Hi Luname. Congrats thus far on your relationship. It sounds like everything is running smoothly. I feel if you love him, tell him. It shouldn't matter if he says it back. Your words and your actions toward him are an expression of you. Certainly, his actions toward you are the same. Be bold!
Mac91 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Bruce Lee never told his wife that he loved her, but he did say that his actions meant it all the way.
somedude81 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 He's obviously not ready to say it, and i'm not going to be all needy and clingy by saying it first. LOL so you'd be all needy and clingy if you say it first but it's fine if he does it? Why are you even waiting if you know you love him?
JohnM Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 In my first relationship my girlfriend said it within 2 weeks and kind of attached a pressure to me saying it back. That lasted 5 months and I never said it as it felt forced. In my current relationship I left a note saying it after about a month and a half and we said it after about 2 months together as I wanted to and it just felt right. I wouldn't worry about time so much as whether you like using the phrase or really mean it. Whats the point of you both saying I love you if it carries no significance to you. Describing feelings is much better sometimes and it'll just creep up if you dont think about it. Throw it out there if you like, just do it when everything is going well and you're both on a romantic positive buzz to attach its use to a good time.
DanielMadr Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 LOL so you'd be all needy and clingy if you say it first but it's fine if he does it? Why are you even waiting if you know you love him? You nailed it, man. Girls can get away with being a little needy and clingy. Guys can't, not even a little. I would say those words probably during sex or before proposal (she would have to be pregnant though....with me)
Slove01 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) LOL so you'd be all needy and clingy if you say it first but it's fine if he does it? Why are you even waiting if you know you love him? I'm blunt, so here is my opinion.... yep why wait, if you feel you love him tell him, it's not needy if you don't feel it's needy whats wrong with expressing your love for someone, and if he doesn't appreciated then thats his problem. Second I'm a guy, and I know girls need to her the "L" word from time to time, personally I don't mind saying it, but when I say it I do mean it at the moment. I agree with your boyfriend that, if men is going to tell a women that he loves her, he better mean it. Because the word "Love" to most people carries huge amount of value, and emotional attachment. Although to me it's just a word like every other word, but to most people it's a big deal, and you can break someone heart if your not sincere. Now on the other hand why do you care if he say "he loves you" or not? You can't control that, and wither he loves you or not isn't really express by words anyway. He can tell you he loves you and really mean it for the moment, but 4 - 5 month down the road he might change. So what is the different only to make yourself feel good? In my personal opinion, your not really looking for the words "I love you", rather you want to beloved, appreicated, and that cared for and someone that finds your speical as a beatiful girl. Edited June 5, 2010 by Slove01
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