Savorrow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Ok, so I am new here. I dont know where to find the solution to this problem I am having. Ok, so my Fiance and I are both 22. Been dating almost a year and a half. We have had 1 child together, and before our sons conception my Fiance used to like having sex 1-2 times a week. (I am the male, she is the female), and it was great. I would be happy with 1-3 times a week. But, every since she was about 6 months pregnant, up to about 2 months after the baby way born we had 0 sex. None. It was horrible for me. But now, our son is almost 5 months old, and even in the last 3 months we have had sex MAYBE twice. She doesn't really like sex, and we both know its not because of me. I am the only guy who has even been able to get her to orgasm. Im also the only guy who didnt just lay on top of her and squirm around for a few minutes, then be done lol. I just dont know what to do! She is ok with having sex like once every 2 months and its killing me. I love her to death, its just that one thing that needs improvement.
StandingO Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Unfortunately, this is commom with many women after a baby. Its not your fault. Some women get back into it eventually. Many women can go with out sex for years. The more you bring her to orgasm the more likey she will want sex often. Not a given but it can help with some women. You and her need to talk about this. Try a professional on this matter. This is totally unfair to you and she needs to be a partner in fixing this or I fear your relationship will suffer in the long run.
You Go Girl Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Try cuddling and kissing the back of her neck in the mornings before the baby starts ruling the day. Try telling her at these times the things you enjoy doing to her (that she likes) things you are dreaming of doing, talk a little dirty, because women's sex drive can disappear after a baby, and you need to wake it up again. It is said that men are very visual. Well women are very auditory. So talk some erotica. Is she super stressed out or lack of sleep? Do everything you can to help out with the baby.
Author Savorrow Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 That is a pretty good idea, the only problem is her and the kids usually get up at like 8 or 9, and I dont get up until like 12 or 1 lol. This is not because I am lazy, but because I work graveyard two nights a week, and work until 2am the other 3 days. So thats hard to do =/ I am gonna try some of these things though My fiance did kind of come around last night, and let me give her oral, but no sex. That was fine though, I was able to make her orgasm, and I was happy with that. Lets see if it keeps up though.
JohnM Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Just keep building on sexual acts. At least once a week have oral or just use your hands on her. Bring that towards it being reciprocated after a while if its not, and then build upon this to maybe sex once a week and slowly reintroduce the sexual side to your partnership.
Major Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Actually, I am a female and was married for 15 years. I am now divorced, but it worked out for both of us I think. We still have a positive relationship. Anyway, I had a very, high sex drive and my ex had a low sex drive. I knew this when we met. However, I felt that all the other qualities we shared outweighed that, and that we had a life time to learn each other. Well, that didn't happen (of course other things contributed such as his depression, lack of confidence, etc.) We did go to a marriage counselor and a couple of things she suggested helped. I think we would still be married, however, he didn't choose to continue the counseling, and after 12 years, I needed help. Anyway, she suggested, to start the intimacy with slow dancing. Not sex. Just closeness to build the intimacy again. She also suggested that you please her. Whether it's oral sex or however, to make her have an orgasm in an unselfish way where you don't get anything in return (I know that's not what you wanted to hear:) Lol! ) However, she said the goal for me was to build his confidence and let him know how invested in the relationship I was. Again, we would probably still be married, however, he didn't want to continue with the counseling and I couldn't hold it together on my own anymore. I am much more fulfilled now, and he is doing what he needs to do for himself. I hope this helps. Just from what I learned from a divorce counselor:)
lola7 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) I imagine that the pain of birthing a child is traumatic. She'll need time to feel freaky again. But, if you shower her with comfort, just for the sake of loving her, and loving her alone, she will sense this and everything will fall back into place and she should warm up. Just love her, love her and let her feel your desire. No more words for now, they may just make her feel guilty or rebel a bit, she'll just exert control as a response to normal communication about the matter because bringing in a baby is a loss of control already. Plus, who gets turned on when someone says, "hey, I need more...why can't we? I am not happy, I need xyz...blah blah?" No one. She'll clue in soon enough if you just trust in how much she enjoys being with you, me thinks! Someone here suggested erotica. I agree. Talk sexy, no pressure sexy. She'll wake up soon, I'm sure. Good luck. Edited June 20, 2010 by lola7
Green Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Well 1) Complaining 2) brining up 3) even talking about sex are probably all the wrong thing to do. My advice to you is stick it out for atleast a year for the sake of your child. Do your best to BE YOUR BEST. That mean 1) being in shape 2) Being respectful (NOT A DOORMAT) 3) Having fun with her. Hopefuly you have a wedding date that is long enough away so you can figure this out. Some times you can't solve this problem and you have to just move on. But because you have a kid you will always be connected to this women in some way. GOOD LUCK
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