hoping4thebest Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 about 6 weeks ago i drunk dialed my ex and left a voice mail on her mobile basically being an idiot in my drunken state. she told me 2 days later she never wanted to see me or speak to me again. i have seen her a few times since, just to exchange belongings etc. but on Wednesday she agreed to meet me for coffee (i initiated it), we got on really well laughed a lot it was really nice. but i thought i was over her but i'm clearly not. i have been feeling crap since this morning and have even cried (haven't cried about her in 2 months) i knew she might be seeing someone new and it didn't bother me like i thought it would (found out last week) but as we were talking on Wednesday i realised i'm still in love with her. maybe 3 months isn't a realistic amount of time to get over a 4.5yr relationship. I don't know what to do.... i said "this was fun, we should do it again, maybe next weekend?" she said "yeah it was fun and we should do it again". so i told her to call me next week. she's going to a music festival for the weekend with this guy and some friends. we broke up cause i was too clingy, i'm 28 and have a son from a previous relationship which always made me doubt what we had. I can't go to festivals or do the things socially she wants to, i have responsibilities. i became clingy because i thought this would break us up but i broke us up. what should i do? meet her IF she calls? i know they say you shouldn't ask if they are seeing someone new but i'd rather get it out in the open. I haven't dated anyone since we split, too weird.
Predator04 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) See the problem is.. your doing all the talking and your the one setting up the dates.. this isn't going to work... she has to do all that, she has to be the one to tell you she wants to see you. If you keep bring it up its only going to hurt you. She has someone in her life right now.. you need to give her all the space in the world. She cant miss you if your always there right? Personally i think if your there alot while shes dating you give them a better chance of staying together longer. Do not go to this festival thing! You will be crushed to see him with her and he will not be willing to see you there. ITS A BAD IDEA. Just let her know that other plans came up and you can not make it but maybe next time. JUST GIVE HER TIME. You said yourself you are to clingy... Now stop talking to her! Just move on for now. If it was meant to be she will be back. You need atleast 3-4 months to give her space. Stop contacting her and when she contacts never reply right away and if she calls dont answer. and later when she calls call back a couple days later and say you were busy. Keep all talking short. Always be the first to end the conversation. Edited June 5, 2010 by Predator04
Author hoping4thebest Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 i know what you mean.... i never had any intention of going to the festival anyway so that's not a problem. it's weird, my brother asked me about our breakup yesterday and i explained to him what happened. he pointed out the obvious.... if i had given her the space when she was mine, she'd still be mine.... IF she calls me next week i'll meet her if she doesn't i won't call her..... i know her, if she is seeing someone else she won't get in contact. the ball is in her court as they say. i just have to wait for it to come back.....
Predator04 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) i know what you mean.... i never had any intention of going to the festival anyway so that's not a problem. it's weird, my brother asked me about our breakup yesterday and i explained to him what happened. he pointed out the obvious.... if i had given her the space when she was mine, she'd still be mine.... IF she calls me next week i'll meet her if she doesn't i won't call her..... i know her, if she is seeing someone else she won't get in contact. the ball is in her court as they say. i just have to wait for it to come back..... Stop thinking about the what ifs... you can be here for days thinking about them. What if i would have done this.. what if I would have done that.. STOP thinking that way! More then not there might have not been something you could have done to prevent this. Do not meet her. Tell her your busy or something else came up. What are you not getting? I mean if you want to ALWAYS be JUST FRIENDS with her then fine do meet her. do talk to her ect.. But do you want her back or at-least a chance? The more you talk/meet the more she will know you are sticking around and will be there if everything fails... so she has nothing to loose. YOU ARE HER SAFETY NET. This is something you DO NOT want to be!! You need to stop being her safety net. I mean think of it this way.. I tell you to jump off a cliff.. its 30 story's tall and the ground is solid. Would you jump? Doubtful. Now I tell you theres a safety net and if anything were to go wrong this will prevent it... You see? you're more likely to take bigger risks knowing you are safe. Edited June 5, 2010 by Predator04
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