sapling Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Hey everyone, I need some perspective on my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been a couple for a little over a year. We work together and see each other at work 5 days a week. It seems like He doesn't like to send a lot of time with me outside of work lately. I know that he is satisfied with the amount of time we spend together and that's great because I want for him to be content with every part of our relationship. I guess that I'm thinking that maybe he needs some space because lately he isn't trying to include me in as many things. When we first got together we hung out with mutual friends a lot but didn't spend a lot of one-on-one time. He would always invite me to go do things with friends and such. Then as time went on we started to hang out together more and less with friends (for various reasons). Now, it seems as though he wants to just hang out with friends without me or work on his bike on days off/in his free time. I think that's great and healthy yet I'm feeling kind of unimportant. He still invites me over say 4 nights a week which is awesome but that basically consists of watching a movie and dozing off. We have been doing P90X workouts together and I try to save a time slot or two for it each day so that I'll be free whenever he wants to workout.. but he changes times, cancels on me or is late multiple times per week. I don't know why I'm frustrated because I know he loves.. I really believe that. I guess I'm just trying to sort things out and figure out why I'm feeling so blue. Also, he is somewhat flaky with plans by nature (which is cute sometimes and I do like him for who he is) and I like to have something I can count on or I get really disappointed. I guess I'm just asking for your thoughts on this... experienced the same thing? Is this the next phase of our relationship? How do I understand differences between the two of us and find happiness in his happiness and realize that I don't always have to be involved?
Shakz Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I don't know, Sapling, sounds a bit like he's quite happy having everything his own way. Do you think, given the circumstances, he would be posting on an advice website? Of course not, he's satisfied. A relationship ought to be a give and take, otherwise how are you to grow together. The question I think you might be asking yourself is does he satisfy me? Is he willing to meet me halfway? Will he make an effort to do something I want to do? If he isn't then maybe he's not the right guy for you. You deserve to be happy. It's in the D of I for crying out loud.
Author sapling Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Shakz, thanks for the reply. I guess that I have inter conflict so much because he would do things with me that interest me if I asked him too or made more plans with him to do those things (I do occasionally, bi-weekly-once monthly). But that's different than someone wanting to or trying. Maybe I should ask him to do more things... not in a nag way but by inviting him to. He will often say that he wants to do or go to such and such with me but it rarely ever works out because he gets busy, doesn't make time for it or was just talking. I don't feel like I'm not a big priority.. I'm just a little frustrated because I want to grow closer mutually...not in a cling wrap way.
Shakz Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Well, to my mind, Sapling, those relationships that are worth remembering are those in which you share experiences that are special to both, not just mundane everyday things. Who remembers cuddling on the couch watching reruns, except in a general way? How does that provide for real growth, except that you grow into a comfortability that is a substitute for security? I understand that you are both busy, but he needs to make time for you in a special way, if you are, indeed, special to him. Bottomline, you don't need him if he doesn't need you. You are woman, God's greatest achievement; vibrant, strong, independent, and loving. Be that. Be nothing less than that. Your man will adore you for it.
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