Teffy79 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I'm messing my situation up completely and need some guidance! I broke off my engagement about two weeks ago due to catching my fiance lying to me. He had lied to me several times before too, and even said he wasn't sorry for some instances. I felt I had to break up with him. Afterward, I told him that maybe someday we could salvage the friendship. He's been trying to figure out the logistics of that ever since. I tried no contact, but he keeps finding business reasons to call, and the conversation always turns to us. Well, one of these conversations two days ago resulted in him coming over and, well ... we ... you know. BIG MISTAKE because all of the feelings came rushing back, and the little bit of work I'd done to distance myself from him and the situation was shattered. We had a wonderful time together, but I regret it now. So yesterday he called to let me know that he was hoping our friendship could turn into more in the future. But he wanted to lay some "ground rules" about things. He was angry. He said he's single and in financial ruin now because I allowed him to make financial sacrifices for this relationship (engagement ring, moving into my house) while I just sat back and created a situation in which I'd be OK if we broke up. He wanted me to acknowledge that HE got the short end of the stick in our breakup, and he wanted me to know that -- going forward -- he won't make those same "mistakes" again. He told me I should talk to my therapist about whether I might be "self-centered." I reminded him that if he'd done what he was supposed to do w/r/t the relationship and honesty and respect for me, he wouldn't be in that situation in the first place, and I wouldn't have broken it off. That made him angrier. But he has sucked me back in! Now, I'm upset that he's upset with me! What's wrong with me?! I told him I'm going no contact -- for real (!) But now I'm obsessing about the situation. Our "mistake" the other night made me have some hope for us down the road. All I wanted was the chance to go no contact for a few months and then see what happened after that. But he had to call me and make demands. Now I'm feeling worse than before! I am more confused. I want to tell him what a manipulatior and control freak he is, but I also want to tell him I love him. So ridiculous, I know. Please help me not contact him to say any of this! Or is there some teeny tiny chance that I should?
Ilovecake Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Have you tried not picking up the phone when he calls? From what you wrote this guy is saying some pretty horrible things to you and pretty much putting the blame on you for his lies. He is completely trying to manipulate you. You broke up with him for certain reasons and those reasons are still there and it sounds like he pretty much told you that will not change and he doesn't feel bad about it. I don't know maybe instead of concentrating on a few moments of physical contact, which doesn’t mean anything in the long run and start concentrating on a lifetime of lies, cheating, manipulation, deception, depression and anxiety because that's where you are headed with this guy. Edited June 4, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author Teffy79 Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 I have tried not picking up his calls. He'll usually texts and says it's a business question, and that there's too much to discuss through text, so he needs to call. I guess I want HIM to see how much of a manipulator he's being. I want him to be able to apologize and just leave it that way. That's what he did the night before. He was very apologetic, which is what made me give in to the physical contact in the first place. I wanted remorse; I got it, and now he's taken it back. I'm just appalled and disappointed. He gave me hope and then took it away. I just want to have that hope back, I guess.
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