I'm baaaaack, hope for those who are dealing with some tough times.

[ALombard]

Hello my fellow LS'ers.

 

So if any of you have read my previous posts you will know that a month ago I was in a very very bad place. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and personally my world had crumbled around me. I was shattered, I lost my sense of self worth, my confidence was shattered. I struggled ever day to find a reason to go on. I felt like there was no hope, I felt lost and felt as though I would never find someone I could care about again let alone someone who would care about me. All I wanted was my ex back, she was the only thing on my mind from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep. It was bad.

 

Well I am here to say that in just a month I have done a completel 180. Now to say I am 100% over my ex would be a lie but I have accepted what happened, distanced myself completely from her, and have met a new girl who is amazing. It's funny because the last two days my ex has contacted me and talked to me in a way different from before. She told me today that she misses me and she can't stop thinking of me, which I find amusing seeing as she left me for another guy, whom she is still with. Now she has no idea I am seeing someone else, I side skirt facts when I talk to her because she has no right knowing my personal affairs anymore. She likes to make her own assumptions which is fine, I just don't feed into her anymore. Life is good, I still have my moments here and there but I take great pride in myself seeing how I am doing now compared to just 4 weeks ago.

 

So here it is my friends, the things I did to get over my ex. Maybe these tid bits could help you.

 

- In the beginning I drank, I let myself hit rock bottom. To me my ex was a drug and I knew the only way to have the will power to get over her would be to face the deepest, darkest parts of my mind. (not all of you will be willing to do this which is fine).

 

- After that I talked, A LOT, to anyone who would listen; friends, family, co-workers. Anyone, even random bartenders and people. The more I vented and talked the faster certain truths clicked in my mind. (how she wasn't so great, etc, etc)

 

- I started going out, to bars, clubs, dinners, anything I put myself out there and didn't care what happened. If I had a bad night I woke up thinking about what not to do next time. I basically did a build, break, build, break process here. It helped me throw my bad emotions to the side.

 

- I started working out, A LOT. I was at home one day and saw a P90X commercial and ordered it off a whim. Been doing ever since and I feel and look a lot better.

 

- I got in touch with old friends. People I hadn't talked to or seen in years due to all my time being consumed by my ex.

 

- I went and did things for myself. I bought the things I could never afford because I was always footing the bill for my ex when we went out. I got my tattoo finished, I bought new clothes, I bought P90X, I went out with who I wanted, when I wanted.

 

- I started thinking, REALLY REALLY thinking about how my life was different without my ex. I have more money now, I'm never broke!!! I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. I don't have to feel bad or make excuses when I just want to sit at home all day. I don't feel like I'm obligated to anyone but myself and most of all I don't have to deal with the constant fights.

 

- And finally I let go of my fears. I figured that after being hurt as badly as I was, who or what else could do me that much harm anymore. Call me calloused but it helps. When I go out, when I meet new people, I act how I am. I don't put up a front, I don't pretend. I say what I say when I want to say it and do what I want to do. If people don't like it then screw them. Who are they to judge me? And that's how I met this great new girl. I saw here, was interested, said to myself, "if she's not into you whatever, another girl will come along." and BAM! Now her and I are going to Nappa Valley next weekend for a wedding.

 

All in all I will not lie, my life is great. My ex does try to screw with my head from time to time. Like last night she told me that if I was seeing someone else she would never talk to me again, to which I replied "ok". I know she's thinking that her threat of taking herself out of my life completely will hinder me but like I said I don't give her any information that isn't needed.

 

So there you all are. Hope something helps. Keep your heads up and rock out with your cocks out.

 

Peace

[DenverBachelor]

last night she told me that if I was seeing someone else she would never talk to me again, to which I replied "ok". I know she's thinking that her threat of taking herself out of my life completely will hinder me but like I said I don't give her any information that isn't needed.

 

That's when you say, "let me save you the trouble and time and get out of your life right now."

 

You see, sadly this sort of **** becomes a power play. She thinks you will give a **** if she leaves your life. Once you take away her power, she can't affect you any longer or control your actions. It is your right to see who you want to see and date who you want to date.

 

She's an ex. She put herself in that role -- not you. Why should you be responsible for her future mistakes?

[northstar1]

Good on you man! Nice to see you having turned it around. Seems like you are doing everything right now. Also an important reminder to people struggling, that it will get better, whether in a month or a few.

 

One word of caution in regards to your ex. Don't let her get her hooks into you, even if she keeps coming back around. You're much better off without her and her games. I'd begin to wean her out of your life entirely, or she'll try and play games with you to get attention back.

 

Keep up the good work and enjoy life!

[ALombard]

Hey Northstar! How's it going man? Hope all is well on your part.

 

But to put things clearly about my ex. I hadn't talked to her at all for about a week. Mainly because I didn't see the need for it anymore. I mean there is absolutely NO POINT to talking to her. In the beginning talking to her made me feel good for a little then I just felt like crap afterwards. Once again, back to the drug addict metaphor. So I just stopped, it wasn't until 2 days ago that she started texting me saying **** about how she heard our song and it made her sad or today about how she misses me and she acted friendly towards me. Like I give a flying **** about anything she has to say to me. She could appear at my front door on her knees crying and begging for me back and I would slam it on her face. She literally tore me apart, I have never in my life been as low as I was those few weeks. I told her today not to talk to me anymore for at least the next week because I felt awkward talking to her and needed to figure somethings out. She asked why and I gave her some lame excuse just saying "Personal" stuff.

 

I'm hoping she will get the point and leave me alone, if not then I will tell her to leave me alone and drive the point home by telling her I am with someone else. It will destroy her yes but **** her. She doesn't deserve any respect or sympathy from me after what she did.

 

So yeah no worries.

[northstar1]

Good to hear you realize she's history. If my ex ever contacted me, and knowing her and her history with ex's, she never will, I am not even sure my reaction. At least it's helping me realize what she's truly all about and can move on. Still have some bad days, but hell, that's how it rolls.

[ALombard]

Hey Northstar real quick do me favor.

 

Re-read what you just wrote, "If my ex ever contacted me, and knowing her and her history with ex's, she never will, I am not even sure my reaction." Get that type of thinking out of your head. As much as it doesn't seem like it you, when you think like that, it is actually a subconcious way of holding onto hope (so says my therapist). Don't worry if she will contact you or how you'll react.

 

Just put this thought into your head, "If it happens it happens. I'll deal with it than." You cannot worry or even care if she will ever contact you.

 

You do that and you will have no more bad days. I don't, I have times where I think about her a little too much than I should but my thoughts have gone from how to get her back, or how or when she will come back TOOO why we dont work, why I'd rather jump off a cliff to my death than take her back, etc.

[northstar1]

Hey Northstar real quick do me favor.

 

Re-read what you just wrote, "If my ex ever contacted me, and knowing her and her history with ex's, she never will, I am not even sure my reaction." Get that type of thinking out of your head. As much as it doesn't seem like it you, when you think like that, it is actually a subconcious way of holding onto hope (so says my therapist). Don't worry if she will contact you or how you'll react.

 

Just put this thought into your head, "If it happens it happens. I'll deal with it than." You cannot worry or even care if she will ever contact you.

 

You do that and you will have no more bad days. I don't, I have times where I think about her a little too much than I should but my thoughts have gone from how to get her back, or how or when she will come back TOOO why we dont work, why I'd rather jump off a cliff to my death than take her back, etc.

 

You are right man. I think it's mostly an ego thing. To accept that I won't hear from her at all and that she really has moved on and doesnt' care to talk to me at all. I know why it wouldn't have worked out, and that she never could embrace her own issues and behaviors..........and just to let go of the all the memories of the good time. I'll get past it, that I know. I think it is just hard because 6 months ago I was pondering if she was the one for me to settle down with, and now we're total strangers.

[ALombard]

Yeah I totally know how you feel man. 2 months ago I was thinking that my ex was it. She was the one I was going to marry and build a life with. Nooooope, obviously not. See the funny thing is this. On Thursday she texted basically saying she missed me etc etc. Now it was weird because I hadn't talked to her in a week and last time we spoke it was agreed I wouldn't talk to her anymore. It kinda messsed with my head a little bit. Her being so nice, so the next day we talked again and this time we argue and same thing as always. She tells me to delete her number because we shouldn't talk anymore.

 

I went a step further, I changed my number. Mainly because my girlfriend now hates the fact that I talk to her. Which I explained the situation, how I will go a few days or a week without any contact and she will text me or call me or something. So yeah now she has no way of calling me which actually strengthened my new relationship. My gf said my doing that shows a huge sign of commitment haha.

 

So yeah Northstar its just about letting go and moving on. Now some of us do it faster than others, but yeah just get your mind off her. Date and go out a lot if you can. The thing I did that helped was I went out with other people besides my usual group of friends and that's how I met my new girl.

 

Dont give up hope and seriously when a little thought of your ex pops up remember what she did to you! Think about it, if someone you hardly knew or even a good friend of yours treated you the way she did before/during/after the break up would you really want them in your life anymore? That's what I thought about and I realized that people like my ex could go **** themselves.