Huri Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 So my ex and I have still been friends since the breakup a few months ago. We have talked a few times since and she wants to come over a check my new place out. So we organised that we would catch up at my new place and she would stay over for the weekend. At the breakup she was ardement that we have no future together and has said it a couple of times since, only if I brought it up. Now we have "caught up" a couple of times, and she states that she is hasn't been with anyone else if I ask (usually she asks me first) then goes on to say that she isn't comfortable sleeping with someone unless its going somewhere. So the confusing part for me if why does she want to see my new place? Why does she sleep with me, knowing that its going no where (her decision)?
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 So the confusing part for me if why does she want to see my new place? Why does she sleep with me, knowing that its going no where (her decision)? This will sound glib, but the answer is simple - she does it because she can. She wants the 'boyfriend' experience without having to actually be your girlfriend in order to do that. She is reaping the rewards of sex and intimacy, while keeping her options open. As for the 'not going anywhere' thing - well, it already went somewhere with you guys so that doesn't really count in the way that you think.
BoerumHill Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Is friendship and casual sex grounds for starting the relationship again IME, nope. It is the basis for deferring the healing process. But keep in mind I'm a hypocrite. As someone who stayed friends and continued to go to events with and slept with his ex- for two years, this is def "Do as I say, not as I did". You might surprise me, but I suspect you'll want to learn that lesson yourself rather than take the advice of a stranger. I understand. There's always that 1/10th of one percent chance you two could be the exception. Maybe it'll work out after all. You never know. Yada yada yada. I wish you well.
lullaby Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 So my ex and I have still been friends since the breakup a few months ago. We have talked a few times since and she wants to come over a check my new place out. So we organised that we would catch up at my new place and she would stay over for the weekend. At the breakup she was ardement that we have no future together and has said it a couple of times since, only if I brought it up. Now we have "caught up" a couple of times, and she states that she is hasn't been with anyone else if I ask (usually she asks me first) then goes on to say that she isn't comfortable sleeping with someone unless its going somewhere. So the confusing part for me if why does she want to see my new place? Why does she sleep with me, knowing that its going no where (her decision)? It's difficult to tell because one never knows, and I do understand because I'm in a similar situation (read my post if you like) I don't exactly know what the grounds for a reconciliation are though, because if it's not 'a sort of friendship' (to put it in a way) with sexual attraction, a flirting process, then what is??? because one thing is to have sex and that's it, never talk again until the next meeting to hook up; or the other option could be to share a good moment in bed, but then also talk about daily stuff and other issues during the rest of the week without always referring to sex. So where is the limit?? how can you tell?? That's the tricky part! That's why no one here is capable of providing you with an ideal answer because we all base on our experiences. I would tell you to continue and see where it goes, it may backfire or not. Hope it all goes well!
Author Huri Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 This will sound glib, but the answer is simple - she does it because she can. She wants the 'boyfriend' experience without having to actually be your girlfriend in order to do that. She is reaping the rewards of sex and intimacy, while keeping her options open. As for the 'not going anywhere' thing - well, it already went somewhere with you guys so that doesn't really count in the way that you think. Thank you for your replies. I think the post I quoted probably best explains it. We are only catching up when it suits her, she got mad at me for cancelling the plans for next weekend though, more than likely because thats when it suits her. I suggested another time to hang out (when her child is asleep) and she said no, using her child as the excuse (we have caught up plenty of times under the same circumstances). All power to her I guess if she thinks she will can do better than me; doubt it is possible as the reasons we have broken up several times now is that she only wants a relationship on her terms, period. Her pattern of being uncompromising will more than likely continue for a while. Time to let it go I think.
Recommended Posts