Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 No good will come from sending a message after you've been rejected. NEWS FLASH we aren't expecting any good from it. Hence the reason for doing it. Its a way to vent frustration.
cantstandya Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 NEWS FLASH we aren't expecting any good from it. Hence the reason for doing it. Its a way to vent frustration. I kind of think there are ulterior motives there, but I cant prove it.. You cant flame someone for being immature while leaving a hostile message.. Thats pretty hypocritical.. Ever hear of being the bigger man?? The person chose not to spend their time with you.. Get over it.. Leaving a hostile message is no bueno..
riyaasr Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 To start me and the guy in question are both 28 years old. I recently had a first date with him...we met online, he contacted me. It was a great first date and at the end he said he had a great time and would love to see me again. I agreed. That date was 9 days ago. Since then I have not gotten a phone call from him. A couple texts the day after our date, and then one on Friday saying have a good weekend which led me to believe I would not be hearing from him all weekend. And I was correct. I texted him on Saturday and got no response. Still nothing on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. So on Tuesday night I texted him saying I could tell he wasn't really interested, good luck, take care, etc. He responded and seemed surprised and said he wanted to go out with me again. Then he says we should do something outdoors. I say absolutely. On Wednesday I text him to see if he has any ideas on what we can do. No response. So today I asked him if he was free on Sunday. He says he's working but he'll check his schedule. And now nothing. So what gives here? I figure he's either not interested, or this is his communication style, or he's playing games with me to try and keep me chasing him. All of which suck and to me are unacceptable. But why even text me at all and say you want to go out again? I swear guys have become more confusing and more game players than girls. Do I just cut this guy loose and tell him this isn't working? He seemed like such a nice guy on our date...but maybe that was all a front. hello , riya here ........i am new to this forum and this is just my 2 post . I read your lines and found that you like the guy after first meet and the same can be assumed for him also. But to me it seems though that he cares for his work as well as his relationship also. But somehow can't stirke a balance between the priorities of his relations and his work. I would suggest you to stay in touch with the guy and wait for his response after that.
WalkInThePark Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 What happened to the good old phone call? I honestly think that if I ever date again I'll make it immediately clear to the guy that I don't want ANY conversations via text. This texting seems like some second life where you pretend to do all kind of things together who never make it to real life. No telephone call and no real life meeting = there is no real contact. Texting is OK to tell someone that you will be 5 minutes late or that you will arrive in 10 minutes.
WalkInThePark Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 For one of a few posssible reasons. 1 - was being polite 2 - was conflicted about a second date, and wanted to keep the door open just in case 3 - was interested in very casual dating Like I said, we have ALL been there. And have also all had dates seem interested, and then still go poof. The way I counter this, and what I recommend to ALL women, is after a first date, always let the guy make the next move. That way you know if he is sincerely interested or not. And trust me - if he is, nothing will keep him from letting you know. You are right: let the guy make the next move AND do not consider a text as a move. In my experience it ain't. I am not a guy but I get the impression that for guys a text means: "I will not have a second date with you right now. You seem however like a person who is nice enough to enter in my database of girls I could maybe meet in the future when I am bored and no one else in my database is available." Do we women want to be entered in that database? NO. I would be very blunt about it from the very start and tell a guy that either he calls me for a second date or he does not contact me at all. Also not by text. I also have the feeling that this is very much linked to people you meet via internetdating. That's why I don't want to do that anymore. If it is someone you know from real life, from work, from a club, via friends, he will not dare to play these games because you might talk about them to other people. Just to give you an example. Two years ago I met a guy in October. Nice first short meeting. Got a mail afterwards saying that he had a good time and "we should meet again" without any concrete proposal. My translation of that is "I have no intention to meet you again in the near future". No problem for me, I did not find him particulary attractive. So I think, I won't hear from that guy again. But no, on my birthday I receive a message from him at midnight to wish me a Happy Birthday. Took me a while to remember from who it came as I had deleted his mobile phone number from my phone. I did not react to that, thinking: "It ain't contact if it ain't at least a phone call." Then 6 weeks later the same thing on Xmas. A text wishing me merry Xmas. I then tried to call him because I wanted to tell him that if he had no intention of meeting me again, he should stop texting me. Of course, I did not manage to get him on the phone even if he had texted me 2 minutes before. Eventually I send him a mail urging him to stop texting me since he obviously had no intention of meeting me. It is sad that one has to translate a text by "does not want to meet me". Modern times, I presume...
cdubs32 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Jesus this pisses me off beyond belief!! I can't believe so many people are like this!! Is the standard in today's dating world to show as little respect as possible when you decide to stop dating someone? I've had this happen to me after 3 to 5 wonderful dates almost half a dozen times and it drove me insane. Basically I'm giving up online dating specifically for this very reason: you go out a few times, have a great time, the girl says she'll go out with you again and then POOF! they disappear. No phone call, no rejection after the last date, no text saying they aren't interested. The last girl I went out with even admitted to me she hates it when people disappear...then SHE does the exact same thing!! Sorry for the rant, but I'm fed up with this garbage and I won't waste my time online dating ever again. These people deserve a punch in the face.
Morals Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 So on Tuesday night I texted him saying I could tell he wasn't really interested, good luck, take care, etc. He responded and seemed surprised When a girl says this to me, It sets off the "Stage 1 Clinger" alarms in my book. If you think a guy is interested DON'T SAY "I can tell you aren't interested". Maybe he's busy...or maybe he just isn't interested in you. But stating the obvious is not going to make the situation better. In fact you go on to say that when he seemed surprised and made another date with you, you accepted. You ASSUMED he was playing games, you made the comment above, then went on a date. At that point the relationship was already gone. YOU drove the wedge between the two of you. This falls under the same reason guys shouldn't ask a girl "Why?" when she breaks up with them. You'll never get an honest response, and it just further resolves her actions to break up with that guy. It doesn't matter why, or how, or when. It only matters that she did break up with you (or in your case, he hasn't contacted you) and move on. No games, just move on. If he does respond later, then resume where it left off. You were playing mind games with him from the start, it's no surprise that the dating went downhill after that.
Morals Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Jesus this pisses me off beyond belief!! I can't believe so many people are like this!! Is the standard in today's dating world to show as little respect as possible when you decide to stop dating someone? I've had this happen to me after 3 to 5 wonderful dates almost half a dozen times and it drove me insane. Basically I'm giving up online dating specifically for this very reason: you go out a few times, have a great time, the girl says she'll go out with you again and then POOF! they disappear. No phone call, no rejection after the last date, no text saying they aren't interested. The last girl I went out with even admitted to me she hates it when people disappear...then SHE does the exact same thing!! Sorry for the rant, but I'm fed up with this garbage and I won't waste my time online dating ever again. These people deserve a punch in the face. In the first few dates, you think you deserve a response as to why? Maybe she wasn't attracted to you physically, maybe you smoke, maybe you aren't intelligent enough for her. Who knows? Who cares! Move on, she isn't interested. Wondering why, asking why, expecting a phone call is just naive. If it's not apparent by now, woman's actions don't always match their words.
cdubs32 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 In the first few dates, you think you deserve a response as to why? Maybe she wasn't attracted to you physically, maybe you smoke, maybe you aren't intelligent enough for her. Who knows? Who cares! Move on, she isn't interested. Wondering why, asking why, expecting a phone call is just naive. If it's not apparent by now, woman's actions don't always match their words. Fine, this is justified, but telling a guy you will go out with him again and then just ignoring his calls after that is rude, no matter how you wanna spin it. I don't even care why nor do I wanna know, but it would be nice to at least know it is over instead of being kept in the dark then just realizing over a long time they aren't interested. How do we know if they're just busy vs playing games vs it's over?
WalkInThePark Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 In the first few dates, you think you deserve a response as to why? Maybe she wasn't attracted to you physically, maybe you smoke, maybe you aren't intelligent enough for her. Who knows? Who cares! Move on, she isn't interested. Wondering why, asking why, expecting a phone call is just naive. If it's not apparent by now, woman's actions don't always match their words. Morals, I am a woman and having been on the receiving end of these vague messages, I have always tried to be as transparent as possible. Even to the point to break off contact with guys which I liked but where I had too many doubts that there was no romantic potential. Just because I was too afraid that I might create expectations that I later could not meet. I am also someone who will for that reason not kiss, give hands, sleep when I don't feel that I am really in love with someone. Again I have been on the receiving end (when I was younger) of guys who acted physically like they were in love with me only to afterwards do the big disappearing act. The confusing messages that people give these days to each other in the context of internetdating is the reason I don't want to do it anymore. There is so much rejection there that even if you are pretty confident, you receive too many blows.
marsle85 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 STOP TEXTING HIM. Oh my gosh girl, stop stop stop texting him. Enough is enough. SECONDLY, this guy didn't PAY, remember? You're going to chase a guy who didn't even pay for your dinner muchless doesn't respond to your texs/calls. There is no confusion. He's keeping you on the backburner and only contacts you SOMETIMES when YOU have already contacted him. If he wants you, he'll chase you. AND pay. You're making yourself look desperate.
flying Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I think this was a different guy, based on the timeline. This happened weeks ago.
Recommended Posts