IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 To start me and the guy in question are both 28 years old. I recently had a first date with him...we met online, he contacted me. It was a great first date and at the end he said he had a great time and would love to see me again. I agreed. That date was 9 days ago. Since then I have not gotten a phone call from him. A couple texts the day after our date, and then one on Friday saying have a good weekend which led me to believe I would not be hearing from him all weekend. And I was correct. I texted him on Saturday and got no response. Still nothing on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. So on Tuesday night I texted him saying I could tell he wasn't really interested, good luck, take care, etc. He responded and seemed surprised and said he wanted to go out with me again. Then he says we should do something outdoors. I say absolutely. On Wednesday I text him to see if he has any ideas on what we can do. No response. So today I asked him if he was free on Sunday. He says he's working but he'll check his schedule. And now nothing. So what gives here? I figure he's either not interested, or this is his communication style, or he's playing games with me to try and keep me chasing him. All of which suck and to me are unacceptable. But why even text me at all and say you want to go out again? I swear guys have become more confusing and more game players than girls. Do I just cut this guy loose and tell him this isn't working? He seemed like such a nice guy on our date...but maybe that was all a front.
Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 or he's playing games with me to try and keep me chasing him. Girls do the same thing to me. I just met a girl last week and she did the same exact thing, says she had a great time, then dirfted away after the fact. My opinion, this guy is showing you no respect. I would CALL on the phone and tell him thanks but no thanks, leave a voicmail if you have to but I'd call just to get the point across. People are a-holes now a days they have no respect for the other person when it comes to dating
Jilly Bean Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I texted him saying I could tell he wasn't really interested, good luck, take care, etc. Why would you do such a thing? I hope you know how pathetic it makes one look to do this. No, he wasn't interested, and still isn't. If a guy doesn't set up a second date within a few days, then move on. And definitely DON'T send him texts like you did with this guy...
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 What a douche...I'd drop this guy...he's not worth your time...he doesn't seem all that interested, and even if he was, would you want to spend your time with someone that's that wishy washy and just plain rude...? There are plenty of other guys out there that are simply better human beings than this guy. He's obviously dating some other girls and just wants to string you along in case the others don't pan out, hoping that you'll stick around for him. There's nothing wrong with this, as it's the nature of online dating, but he's obviously too much of a chicken sh*t to tell this to you up front.
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Why would you do such a thing? I hope you know how pathetic it makes one look to do this. No, he wasn't interested, and still isn't. If a guy doesn't set up a second date within a few days, then move on. And definitely DON'T send him texts like you did with this guy... Agreed on this. Silence is a very powerful thing in the world of online dating.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I didn't think that made me look pathetic. I was just getting annoyed and wanted to be done with the whole situation. I didn't want to deal with random texts days later, so I just addressed the situation. But you're all right. At this point all he's really shown me is that he's rude. I mean no one is too busy to write a text message.
skydiveaddict Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Maybe he;s just gun shy. I say give him another chance
Morals Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I'm going to comment on this situation because I had a similar situation recently. I met a girl online, met for a first date. I wasn't completely interested in her but I attempted to give her some time. Long story short, I set up *loose* plans for that weekend. Friday night fell through as I ended up hanging out with a buddy I hadn't seen in months. During that night she texts me while I'm driving. I read the message quickly at a stoplight but continue on. She assumes that because I don't text her back immediately I'm not interested and says so in a response 15 minutes later. I get to my buddies house and she starts saying that even platonic friends deserve plans a day in advance. In my opinion, yes they do. But not after only knowing someone for A WEEK.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I didn't think that made me look pathetic. I was just getting annoyed and wanted to be done with the whole situation. I didn't want to deal with random texts days later, so I just addressed the situation. But you're all right. At this point all he's really shown me is that he's rude. I mean no one is too busy to write a text message. You mentioned that your first date was great, but are you sure he felt the same way? I suppose that it is possible that he liked you but thought you weren't that interested in him and that's why he didn't ask you out a second time.
Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Why would you do such a thing? I hope you know how pathetic it makes one look to do this. I am in your corner ICE. Why should the person being ignored just sit there and do nothing ? Like we are supposed to just take the hint and shut up. Ef that I always give the person a parting text just as ICE did. I usually tell them Thanks for being mature about it or something to that effect. HOW does it make you look pathetic ? The other person has already crossed the line with you, so its not like you are have to worry about burning the bridge, they are history.
Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 he liked you but thought you weren't that interested in him said he had a great time and would love to see me again. I agreedChicago guy HOW much more clear does she have to make it ? amazing how people dont pay attention to what they read, or try to bend the facts for whatever reason.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I am in your corner ICE. Why should the person being ignored just sit there and do nothing ? Like we are supposed to just take the hint and shut up. Ef that I always give the person a parting text just as ICE did. I usually tell them Thanks for being mature about it or something to that effect. HOW does it make you look pathetic ? The other person has already crossed the line with you, so its not like you are have to worry about burning the bridge, they are history. I agree. People are so rude and it's become acceptable to just take it. I'll be honest...I've told a guy I had a good time at the end of a date knowing full well I didn't want to see him again. Mainly because I don't know him or how he would react to the rejection. But I always call and be honest with them the next day or so. I think it's horrible to string someone along. And I personally don't think I looked pathetic by calling him out. So he's not interested...I don't mind admitting that. But man up dude and tell me.
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Chicago guy HOW much more clear does she have to make it ? amazing how people dont pay attention to what they read, or try to bend the facts for whatever reason. People say things they don't mean because they don't want to make the other person feel bad. Just because he said that he wanted to see her again doesn't mean he necessarily wants to ever see her again...
Chicago_Guy Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Chicago guy HOW much more clear does she have to make it ? amazing how people dont pay attention to what they read, or try to bend the facts for whatever reason. Actually, sometimes women tell men they had a great time on a date and want to see them again and then blow off the guy when he tries to set something up later. This has happened to me before, so I know that you cannot always take what someone says at the end of a date at face value.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 People say things they don't mean because they don't want to make the other person feel bad. Just because he said that he wanted to see her again doesn't mean he necessarily wants to ever see her again... So why text me for a week after? Why say you want to see me again for a week after? I'd really like a guy to tell me why they say stuff they don't mean. Just go away after the first date. I would have gotten the message loud and clear. But to keep texting me...that makes it a little confusing.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I agree. People are so rude and it's become acceptable to just take it. I'll be honest...I've told a guy I had a good time at the end of a date knowing full well I didn't want to see him again. Mainly because I don't know him or how he would react to the rejection. But I always call and be honest with them the next day or so. I think it's horrible to string someone along. And I personally don't think I looked pathetic by calling him out. So he's not interested...I don't mind admitting that. But man up dude and tell me. It would be polite, but most guys will never do this. Men usually deal with more rejection than women and most women will blow a guy off if they aren't interested. As a result, most men have no problem with breaking off all contact with a woman if they aren't interested.
Jilly Bean Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I didn't think that made me look pathetic. I was just getting annoyed and wanted to be done with the whole situation. I didn't want to deal with random texts days later, so I just addressed the situation. But you're all right. At this point all he's really shown me is that he's rude. I mean no one is too busy to write a text message. It did, hon, believe me. I'm sure he rolled his eyes when he saw that text. Here's the reality - men aren't confrontational. If he had a crappy time on the date, he wasn't going to tell you so to your face. So, he gave you the, "yeah, we'll do it again, I'll call you" blow-off. At that point, you should have waited a few days for him to set up another date. If he didn't, then you move on. No need to send accusatory, needy texts. It will never make you look good at the end of the day. And I don't think he was rude. You kept pursuing a guy who was sending you every message that he wasn't interested, yet you kept pushing and pushing. He wasn't going to tell you to take a hike, and was hoping you'd get the hint. You didn't, so he keeps trying to blow you off to get you to leave him alone. THAT is what really happened. Hey - we've ALL had what we thought were great first dates and sadly, were the only one who thought so. lol. Always remember - if a guy is interested, NOTHING will keep him from asking you out again.
Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 So he's not interested...I don't mind admitting that. But man up dude and tell me. why text Why say why they say stuff they don't mean ICE sounds like a female version of me I like people that ask questions. Question everything Dont assume And dont trust until trust is earned 1
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 To me its just a matter of respect. And I ask these questions because it makes no sense. People make things so complicated instead of just being upfront. Jilly Bean, I appreciate your honesty and that is probably what happened here and that's fine. But why would he not just disappear after the first date? Just ignore me. I mean he texted me the day after saying he had a good time the night before. Then he texted me for days after, telling me how bored he was at work, what he was doing, blah blah blah. Why not just go away if you really had that bad of a time and there was no interest? Makes no sense to me.
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Jilly Bean, I appreciate your honesty and that is probably what happened here and that's fine. But why would he not just disappear after the first date? Just ignore me. I mean he texted me the day after saying he had a good time the night before. Then he texted me for days after, telling me how bored he was at work, what he was doing, blah blah blah. Why not just go away if you really had that bad of a time and there was no interest? Makes no sense to me. First, you have to step into the mind of the multi-dating man. His interest level in you will go up the instant his interest levels in other women goes down...or they reject him...it's the life of a backup plan...and he will feed you little texts here and there just to make sure you remember him...
Jilly Bean Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 But why would he not just disappear after the first date? Just ignore me. I mean he texted me the day after saying he had a good time the night before. Then he texted me for days after, telling me how bored he was at work, what he was doing, blah blah blah. Why not just go away if you really had that bad of a time and there was no interest? Makes no sense to me. For one of a few posssible reasons. 1 - was being polite 2 - was conflicted about a second date, and wanted to keep the door open just in case 3 - was interested in very casual dating Like I said, we have ALL been there. And have also all had dates seem interested, and then still go poof. The way I counter this, and what I recommend to ALL women, is after a first date, always let the guy make the next move. That way you know if he is sincerely interested or not. And trust me - if he is, nothing will keep him from letting you know.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 First, you have to step into the mind of the multi-dating man. His interest level in you will go up the instant his interest levels in other women goes down...or they reject him...it's the life of a backup plan...and he will feed you little texts here and there just to make sure you remember him... I would bet my money on this. Ef that. Next.
Author IceIceBaby Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 The way I counter this, and what I recommend to ALL women, is after a first date, always let the guy make the next move. That way you know if he is sincerely interested or not. And trust me - if he is, nothing will keep him from letting you know. You're 100% correct. This is the way to go.
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I would bet my money on this. Ef that. Next. Perfect.
cantstandya Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I am in your corner ICE. Why should the person being ignored just sit there and do nothing ? Like we are supposed to just take the hint and shut up. Ef that I always give the person a parting text just as ICE did. I usually tell them Thanks for being mature about it or something to that effect. HOW does it make you look pathetic ? The other person has already crossed the line with you, so its not like you are have to worry about burning the bridge, they are history. Sending someone a text or even worse leaving a message is just sad.. If the bridges are history then why bother calling?? Saying "thanks for being mature" is sarcasm and sarcasm is far from mature.. Just deal with it like a grown-up and move on. Im willing to bet money the people who receive these texts 1) laugh about it 2) roll their eyes and delete the message 3) laugh about it with friends later on that night.. No good will come from sending a message after you've been rejected.. It sucks but you just gotta move on.. Someone doesnt want to spend their time with you.. It's not the end of the world..
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