Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I do not flirt with girls I dont know. I rarely flirt with girls I do know. Why do people flirt with each other, if they have no intent of moving past that stage? like if a married person flirts with co-workers, people at a bar, checkout line, etc but has no intention on ever doing anything except flirting. Are people that hard up to get their mental rocks off, boosting their ego's so they can give themselves the mindset that the opposite sex wants them ? I would think someone that doesnt need the ego boosting has more confidence than someone that does. But I'm sure society sees the flirt as the go getter confident type, because that person is the one initiating a situation. Thoughts ?
OceanTropic Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Flirting is fun. By your post, you sound like a hard ass with no sense of humor, no offence. Im sure you're great but flirting doesn't have to lead to other things. Why be nice to people if they're not going to be your friend anyway?
crimsonmike Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Why does there have to be an ulterior motive behind it? I just love to flirt. 90% of the flirting I do is strictly for fun. I just like to talk to people. If I meet some dude I don't know, I might start talking about sports or hunting.
Author Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Actually I'm not nice to random people. I ignore the people at businesses when they ask "how are you" they dont really care, they are paid to say it. Explain how its fun. I'm being dead serious, what is fun about pretending to have an interest in someone. I see it as a selfish act just to give yourself a rise at the other person expense.
OceanTropic Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Most people are easy-going and social, I take it you are not. Perhaps it is something you will never understand because you only do things for reward or gratitude.
Author Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Why does there have to be an ulterior motive behind it None of you are getting the point, or dodging it on purpose. Did i say there has to be a motive ? My whole question is WHY do it if theres no motive. What FUN do you get out of it. So if I see a hot girl at the register, I'm supposed to flirt with her (which she probably sees as another idiot harassing her at work) Dont you people realize how many idiots think they are Mr GQ with these girls, every night guy after guy she has to put up with. And you think its "fun" now do you see how it can be selfish for the person initiating the flirting None of you ever realized, gee maybe the other person doesn't like it, but they are just pretending to because they are at work and are paid to keep a smile on their face.
OceanTropic Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 If the other person doesn't like it, for example you, they can easily walk away, or not answer us when we ask them "hey, how are you." You are so negative, and I am not attacking you personally, but you seem to have issues. Why do you ask this questions if there is no motive? What is your goal with asking this question? Its so rhetorical you can apply it to anything. Why do people laugh? Why are people curious? Why do people go dancing? Or watch movies? What is the motive? Dude, if you don't like your job, quit and stop complaining. Not everyone is genuine, and yes people are paid to be nice, but if it bothers you that much, there are other jobs out there where people ARENT paid to be nice, and will be *******s. If thats something you prefer, the jobs are out there waiting.
crimsonmike Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Actually I'm not nice to random people. I ignore the people at businesses when they ask "how are you" they dont really care, they are paid to say it. Explain how its fun. I'm being dead serious, what is fun about pretending to have an interest in someone. I see it as a selfish act just to give yourself a rise at the other person expense. U have social problems. Seriously. I gave you the reasons why I enjoy it. If you don't understand, that's your problem. The reason you gave for not being nice to random people is anti-social and idiotic. BTW, if I ask some random person how their day is going I DO CARE. I wish happiness for ALL people, even if I don't know them.
USMCHokie Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Actually I'm not nice to random people. I ignore the people at businesses when they ask "how are you" they dont really care, they are paid to say it. Girls will pick up on this...and most, if not all, will react unfavorably...
Knittress Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) There's a difference between being inappropriately aggressive in your admiration (this is more about what YOU want), and being friendly with someone because they're cute/cool. In the second example a person should be keeping their expressions within the other's comfort level - because you want THEM to feel good, and it's not about some kind of goal-orientated 'scoring.' And yeah, a woman with any intelligence/experience will be able to fathom your motives and general disposition - no matter how you spin it. Edited June 4, 2010 by Knittress
kassy Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Why stop at girls won't like this.... I'm sure guys won't like this too much either. Mate, why not lighten up a little? Does there have to be a point to everything? what is the point to any sport for example, tennis... why would you do it? Because it is fun or enjoyable and social and a good work out most people would likely say... Why would you elect 'not being nice' to someone if you had a choice, and it was simple - made no difference. I mean if the effort level is the same between being nice and a dickhead, then why WOULDN'T you chose to be nice? There was a study I read a while back, that the relationships which normally would be considered trivial actually ment a lot more to people, and especially to their level of happiness than anyone previously suspected. In my experience the happiest people are the ones who only take things seriously that need to be taken seriously. Flirting, can be harmless fun and enjoyable for both parties without meaning anything. Everyone can walk away feeling a little bit more chipper.
crimsonmike Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 There's a difference between being inappropriately aggressive in your admiration (this is more about what YOU want), and being friendly with someone because they're cute/cool. In the second example a person should be keeping their expressions within the other's comfort level - because you want THEM to feel good, and it's not about some kind of goal-orientated 'scoring.' And yeah, a woman with any intelligence/experience will be able to fathom your motives and general disposition - no matter how you spin it. You're right. I'm guilty of this. I guess it is an ego thing to a certain degree. Never really thought about it that way. I really do like for other people to be happy, though.
Author Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I guess it is an ego thing to a certain degree. Never really thought about it that way. Smart open minded people get it. Its funny to see how people attack the question with emotion instead of pondering it for a bit like Crimson did.
kassy Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Why ponder this... what is the point? I don't want to be a miserable person who has no social skills and can't interact with other people.... you seem to think pondering this makes you some sort of genius... even if you were one, at the end of a day you're still just an ass.
ADF Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I never understood random flirting, either. Some people will tell you it's "just for fun," but that makes no sense to me. "Fun" how? I have to think they get some kind of minor ego boost from it.
Author Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Nice to know I'm not the only one seeing it that way.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 It also might be because some of us are just social that way. I flirt with a girl at work that I no intention of getting with just because it's an entertaining way to pass some time when I have nothing going on. Nothing is going to come of it. It also allows for some decent practice if I do need the ability.
Author Serenitynow Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I love that your think you are open minded:lmao: you seem to think pondering this makes you some sort of genius LOL Still surprised at the way people are attacking this thought process. Like I'm questioning their religion or something.
Morals Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Gonna respond to this and then duck out before the law (admins) get here, as the hostility is palpable. I see both lines of thinking as valid routes of thought. On one side you have the serious thinkers. There is nothing wrong with serious thinkers. These are the people who think through situations logically instead of emotionally. They have a hard time with connecting emotions with actions. They deal with this by analyzing the situation with a sort of disconnection. I'm not saying this is entirely good, this has it's pros and cons. These people are usually structured in their lives, lack spontaneity, but make up for it with other admirable qualities, like honesty and fidelity. The other side of the coin are the emotional thinkers. They realize that people connect easily through emotions, they tend to like to wander around, travel, meet new people, easily get distracted. They deal with their constantly fluctuating emotions by meeting new people. Think about it, what's more exciting then meeting a new person in your life? You get to talk about all new things, talk about new foods. The best part of meeting new people is that you get to expose them to YOUR knowledge of...whatever! This in turn makes the emotional thinkers out to be very social becuase they know so much. In actuality they learn from each person, but ultimately run out of bonding situations with a person once they feed them everything they've learned so far. These people are fun to be around, are excitable, but usually end up being in low-key friendships/relationships. They tend to have ALOT of people in their life, but most of their friendships come and go. In other words, the emotional connections they form with people come and go quickly no matter the type of friendship/relationship. The downside is obvious, they tend to get bored easily, and this can cause strain on relationships. No one person is balanced, they usually favor one or the other. The problem I see with this discussion is that most people view the latter as being a social god, while the former is treated like an outcast. Neither are good. The key to life is finding balance on when to use both sides of your personality and then using that at the right times. Personally I used to be heavily into the former category. I've gotten better, but ultimately I still THINK about situations instead of FEEL them. It has it's downsides, and sometimes I wish I was the latter, as they tend to have alot of fun when looking from the outside. But I'm sure it's the grass is always greener syndrome. I know a few friends who talk about their awesome sexual relationships, but then a month later they've gone through 3 girlfriends. Or a month later, she's broken up and made up with her boyfriend 2 times. I wouldn't want to be anyone else. I like who I am. I want to be better, and become more balanced. But to attack each other thinking that one side or the other is MORE open minded, is a fallacy to say the least.
crimsonmike Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Morals, after your post, I don't think there is much left to say about this. Think you hit the nail on the head.
BeautifulMan Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Flirting with strangers is good practice I guess, eventually you'll know how to make women respond a certain way (most of the time).
Feelin Frisky Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Flirting is a sign of my own emotional wellness. I'm always sensitive to the woman I flirt with because it's a real turn off to try to charm a frigid rock. If she smiles and, even better, speaks, and I feel like I'm naturally perky, I'll have a bounce. It boosts the ego and doesn't mean anything in the long run. Last year before I move to Dixieland from the Big Apple, a CVS Drug store hired a "greeter" on Sundays. She was a real doll--young, pretty and middle eastern. Then I saw her working at 7-11 too. I asked her if she was the delightful young greeter at CVS on Sunday and she said yes. I mentioned that the flavor of coffee I liked the most from 7-11 was not there and she went out of her way to make me a pot. Perhaps I seemed too flirtatious as when I simply thanked her for being so thoughtful and uncommonly friendly compared to most locals, she thought I said, "what time do you get off?" as if I was trying to picker her up. I responded by saying "no, I wouldn't say something like that, I just thanked you for being so considerate and refreshingly outgoing". We became friends but she was a devout Muslim half my age and I'm a free-wheelin' free thinker (code for atheist) and she was half my age. Bottom line? I flirted but made it clear I didn't presume to just pick her up. She didn't wear a head scarf or any weird ass head dress but she introduced me to her family and her cousins and none of them seemed anything but outwardly friendly. You bet I would have waxed her ass if it seemed right, but it seemed better to be conservative. I'm glad I did what I did and she never blew me off or acted distant when I went in for coffee. She'd just go make sure the Vanilla Nut was prepared and sweetly called me by my first name. If only the whole world could be like that. It was a lesson on on what good can come from not being a real wolf as if I confirmed her misinterpretation about asking when she got off from work, I don't think the pleasure of seeing her at 7-11 a couple of times a week would have been there. Edited June 4, 2010 by Feelin Frisky
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