How to handle a hard rejection...

[crimsonmike]

I see a lot of posts on here about being scared of rejection. Well, I got a HARD rejection today at work, and I thought I'd post how it went down.

 

We have auditors at work this week of whom all are mid 20's females. All are hot, but one of them is a 9 to 10 for sure. HOT! Well she comes into my office with a work order drawing. She says "Are you an engineer?" I have my degree on the wall, so it's not hard to figure out. I say, "Well, I guess I'll do till you can find one. What you need?"

 

"We always get an engineer to check a drawing against the material to make sure it matches up."

 

I say, "Yeah, whatever. You just wanted to come in here and talk to me didn't you" as I wink at her.

 

In a very snide and aggrevated tone she says "How bout just look at the drawing!"

 

I say "Damn! You torpedoed the hell outa that didn't you!" As I laughed loudly. "You always so friendly?" Laughing some more.

 

She turned red and started to say something and didn't. Would not make eye contact anymore. I looked at the drawing, taking longer than I really needed to enjoy her squirming. Yes, I can be an asshat. I give it back saying, "material matches the drawing. Anything else I can do for you, mam?"

 

"No. Thanks." Dashes out the room.

 

Please spare me the flirting at work lectures. I'm not saying I didn't deserve the reaction. I was certainly batting out my league, and I don't hold it against her at all. I wasn't even really interested. Just wanted to flirt a little. I'm just giving an example of how to keep your dignity after a hard rejection to those who seem to fret over it so much.

[runner]

i don't know that your story really qualifies as a 'hard rejection' since you weren't really that interested to begin with. but anyway, good job with the flirtatiousness, it's a good and optimistic state of mind to be in.

[OpenGL]

I'm an expert on rejection, that was nothing.

 

I've been slapped (no I did not touch her first), white knighted, threatened by white knights, completely ignored, and other things I can't even think of.

[brainygirl]

What is white knighted?

 

To the OP, sometimes its very annoying to be hit on at work. Look at her point of view, she has to go into someone else's territory and basically double check their work. That can't be easy or comfortable. And then to have someone hit on her, not cool.

 

Better strategy would be to have been very polite and proffesional and chit chatty and then invite the auditors to get a drink after work. Much classier.

[OpenGL]

What is white knighted?

You hit on a girl and some random dude (does not know her) comes along and tells you to leave her alone and to stop bothering her.

[allina]

I'm an expert on rejection, that was nothing.

 

I've been slapped (no I did not touch her first), white knighted, threatened by white knights, completely ignored, and other things I can't even think of.

 

Hmmm what are you doing to get slapped and threatened?

[OpenGL]

Hmmm what are you doing to get slapped and threatened?

Just talking to chicks. Bars are rough places, a lot of drunken dudes.

[stillafool]

I see a lot of posts on here about being scared of rejection. Well, I got a HARD rejection today at work, and I thought I'd post how it went down.

 

We have auditors at work this week of whom all are mid 20's females. All are hot, but one of them is a 9 to 10 for sure. HOT! Well she comes into my office with a work order drawing. She says "Are you an engineer?" I have my degree on the wall, so it's not hard to figure out. I say, "Well, I guess I'll do till you can find one. What you need?"

 

"We always get an engineer to check a drawing against the material to make sure it matches up."

 

I say, "Yeah, whatever. You just wanted to come in here and talk to me didn't you" as I wink at her.

 

In a very snide and aggrevated tone she says "How bout just look at the drawing!"

 

I say "Damn! You torpedoed the hell outa that didn't you!" As I laughed loudly. "You always so friendly?" Laughing some more.

 

She turned red and started to say something and didn't. Would not make eye contact anymore. I looked at the drawing, taking longer than I really needed to enjoy her squirming. Yes, I can be an asshat. I give it back saying, "material matches the drawing. Anything else I can do for you, mam?"

 

"No. Thanks." Dashes out the room.

 

Please spare me the flirting at work lectures. I'm not saying I didn't deserve the reaction. I was certainly batting out my league, and I don't hold it against her at all. I wasn't even really interested. Just wanted to flirt a little. I'm just giving an example of how to keep your dignity after a hard rejection to those who seem to fret over it so much.

 

To be honest with you I think she was just annoyed. Goodlooking women get hit on all the time and it really does get tiring when you are trying to get a job done. She probably already has a bf.

[allina]

Just talking to chicks. Bars are rough places, a lot of drunken dudes.

 

While I do feel bad for you, I have a hard time believing a lot of what you say Shy guys who respectfully talk to women aren't getting slapped and threatened at bars, that's just not the norm.

[crimsonmike]

OP,

 

you weren't "flirting" with this chick; you "sexually harassed" this chick.

 

More to the point, you completely disrespected her as a professional in the workplace.

 

She came to you for a professional issue and you treated her like a piece of @ss.

 

You were almost guaranteed to fail even if she did like you in a personal way.

 

Basically, you didn't flatter or thrill her by hitting on her that way under those circumstances; you insulted her.

 

Because of your klutzy approach you never even really gave yourself a chance to succeed.

 

That's because this chick was so hot, you didn't really have any confidence in yourself, so you approached her in a way that you knew was bound to fail.

 

That's completely self-sabotaging behavior.

 

You need to go back to this chick, and apologize.

 

If you had really wanted to try to get with this chick, you should have dealt with her professional question on a completely professional basis, showing NO apparent interest in her as a potential dating partner. This type of "10" chick gets hit on all the time day after day by a hundred other oafish losers just like you.

 

What you wanted to do was distinguish yourself from the pack of all the other losers.

 

You should have used the professional interaction as a way to start to get to know her in a non-threatening way.

 

IOW dude you need to learn to "play it cool."

 

Then you deceptively find other opportunities to seemingly interact with her on a professional basis, all the while feigning disinterest, yet doing subtle things to build up the attraction.

 

 

Such as: ambiguously getting in close to her body space to look over the blueprints (or whatever) with her....inadvertently making physical contact, hands brushing, etc.....but nothing clearly overt....you build that attraction in her....compliment her on her professional skills....build her up....

 

Verbally assaulting a chick like this in this situation is idiocy. It has about as much chance of success as if she were walking down the street and you were a hard hat construction worker wolf-whistling at her.

 

Not attractive. Just creepy.

 

 

Next time don't be a creep if you actually want to succeed with a woman like this.

 

 

-Edit: Obviously calling b.s. on OP's claim that he "wasn't really interested." LOL.

 

LOL! Get over yourself. Next time I'm screwing some chics brains out, I'll remember to apologize for being inappropriate. I don't need your advice on how to land ass, thanks. Oh, and I wasn't interested simply because I'm trying to date someone else.

[crimsonmike]

What is white knighted?

 

To the OP, sometimes its very annoying to be hit on at work. Look at her point of view, she has to go into someone else's territory and basically double check their work. That can't be easy or comfortable. And then to have someone hit on her, not cool.

 

Better strategy would be to have been very polite and proffesional and chit chatty and then invite the auditors to get a drink after work. Much classier.

 

I'm sure you're 100% right. I just like to flirt. I didn't want to go anywhere with her after work, as I spent the better part of the evening talking to the girl I'm dating. She probably wouldn't approve.

[OceanTropic]

Thats not really a hard rejection.

 

She doesn't have the same sense of humor, and she was working.

[tincanman99]

OP,

 

you weren't "flirting" with this chick; you "sexually harassed" this chick.

 

More to the point, you completely disrespected her as a professional in the workplace.

 

She came to you for a professional issue and you treated her like a piece of @ss.

 

You were almost guaranteed to fail even if she did like you in a personal way.

 

Basically, you didn't flatter or thrill her by hitting on her that way under those circumstances; you insulted her.

 

Because of your klutzy approach you never even really gave yourself a chance to succeed.

 

That's because this chick was so hot, you didn't really have any confidence in yourself, so you approached her in a way that you knew was bound to fail.

 

That's completely self-sabotaging behavior.

 

You need to go back to this chick, and apologize.

 

If you had really wanted to try to get with this chick, you should have dealt with her professional question on a completely professional basis, showing NO apparent interest in her as a potential dating partner. This type of "10" chick gets hit on all the time day after day by a hundred other oafish losers just like you.

 

What you wanted to do was distinguish yourself from the pack of all the other losers.

 

You should have used the professional interaction as a way to start to get to know her in a non-threatening way.

 

IOW dude you need to learn to "play it cool."

 

Then you deceptively find other opportunities to seemingly interact with her on a professional basis, all the while feigning disinterest, yet doing subtle things to build up the attraction.

 

 

Such as: ambiguously getting in close to her body space to look over the blueprints (or whatever) with her....inadvertently making physical contact, hands brushing, etc.....but nothing clearly overt....you build that attraction in her....compliment her on her professional skills....build her up....

 

Verbally assaulting a chick like this in this situation is idiocy. It has about as much chance of success as if she were walking down the street and you were a hard hat construction worker wolf-whistling at her.

 

Not attractive. Just creepy.

 

 

Next time don't be a creep if you actually want to succeed with a woman like this.

 

 

-Edit: Obviously calling b.s. on OP's claim that he "wasn't really interested." LOL.

 

I have to say even as a guy I agree with this 110%. The first thing I thought of when I read the OP post was "sexual harassment".

 

Why would you say this stuff to a woman at work that you are not super chummy with? I dont call this a hard rejection so much as what where you thinking when you said this.

 

If you were pals with her and she came and you said this she would laugh at you and tell you to shut up and thats as far as it would go.

 

You do realize that in the US all she would have to do is squeak that you "made her uncomfortable via sexual advances" and you would not have a job? They will believe her before you and frankly now she owns you.

 

If you have any brains you will go over and apologize to her and say you were having a bad day, fighting with whomever, whatever and make nice.

 

You can do this stuff out with friends or a bar but at work you are asking to get canned. Dont do it.

[ADF]

I'm sorry, but any woman would have probably been offended by your behavior in this instance. She came to you with a serious question, and you took it as an opportunity to hit on her. That was just rude. How do you handle it? Take it as a life lesson--don't do things like that.

[USMCHokie]

Yea, this was inappropriate for the workplace...but very witty and clever nonetheless!

[Morals]

OP,

 

you weren't "flirting" with this chick; you "sexually harassed" this chick.

 

More to the point, you completely disrespected her as a professional in the workplace.

 

She came to you for a professional issue and you treated her like a piece of @ss.

 

You were almost guaranteed to fail even if she did like you in a personal way.

 

Basically, you didn't flatter or thrill her by hitting on her that way under those circumstances; you insulted her.

 

Because of your klutzy approach you never even really gave yourself a chance to succeed.

 

That's because this chick was so hot, you didn't really have any confidence in yourself, so you approached her in a way that you knew was bound to fail.

 

That's completely self-sabotaging behavior.

 

You need to go back to this chick, and apologize.

 

If you had really wanted to try to get with this chick, you should have dealt with her professional question on a completely professional basis, showing NO apparent interest in her as a potential dating partner. This type of "10" chick gets hit on all the time day after day by a hundred other oafish losers just like you.

 

What you wanted to do was distinguish yourself from the pack of all the other losers.

 

You should have used the professional interaction as a way to start to get to know her in a non-threatening way.

 

IOW dude you need to learn to "play it cool."

 

Then you deceptively find other opportunities to seemingly interact with her on a professional basis, all the while feigning disinterest, yet doing subtle things to build up the attraction.

 

 

Such as: ambiguously getting in close to her body space to look over the blueprints (or whatever) with her....inadvertently making physical contact, hands brushing, etc.....but nothing clearly overt....you build that attraction in her....compliment her on her professional skills....build her up....

 

Verbally assaulting a chick like this in this situation is idiocy. It has about as much chance of success as if she were walking down the street and you were a hard hat construction worker wolf-whistling at her.

 

Not attractive. Just creepy.

 

 

Next time don't be a creep if you actually want to succeed with a woman like this.

 

 

-Edit: Obviously calling b.s. on OP's claim that he "wasn't really interested." LOL.

 

Yea, because deceptively finding "mutual" activites that you normally wouldn't show interest in, and then "pretending" to not be interested isn't creepy at all.

 

You know, I think I know another word for people who try to find mutual activites with people who they like, but that person doesn't know they like them. They are called "nice guys", taken to an obsessive level they are also called "stalkers".

 

I would highly suggest doing neither situation OP. Do not follow this advice, but don't go about it your way. Your way did have confidence, and granted she acted a bit like an ice queen...I think that if the timing had been different, or the approach had been slightly different things would have been different.

 

Good luck dating! It's a rough world out there, that's for sure.

[daphne]

While I do feel bad for you, I have a hard time believing a lot of what you say Shy guys who respectfully talk to women aren't getting slapped and threatened at bars, that's just not the norm.

 

Who said he was respectful towards women?

[crimsonmike]

I don't know where many of you live or what field you all work in, but what I said is TAME TAME TAME compared to what I hear every day at work.

 

I live in Alabama and I work with construction people. If it were that stringent, none of us would have a job.

[Cracker Jack]

Ha! I was expecting something really, really bad.

 

Well, since you're not interested in her, it's all good.

[DollWelch]

I was expecting a really harsh flat out rejection, too.

 

If a man ever said those things to me, I wouldn't have thought of it as flirting. Rather, just silliness. Oh My ! I'm no good at reading men sometimes.

 

You are taking things too literally. Move on. Next woman !

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't find your approach funny or flirty, just somewhat annoying.

 

Everything you said there in a light hearted way would only turn me off.

[crimsonmike]

Well I was gonna make a rude joke about Southerners. But I can't remember any.

 

Don't people from Georgia always make jokes dissing people from 'Bama?

 

Well maybe in your state sexual harassment in the workplace is not an issue.

 

However even worse it's probably considered OK in the scenario you presented for the girl's bf to ambush you in the parking lot of your job some day, with a few of his friends, and beat the sh*t out of you.

 

Now you can tell us what a great street fighter you are, how you're an expert at MMA as well as being a superstud, etc etc etc.

 

Where did I claim to be a super stud? I got rejected. The idea that what I did was grounds for her boyfriend to jump me just shows what a psycho you are. Get help.

[You Go Girl]

This was in the workplace. I would have immediately left the room and went to tell your superior.

You deserve far more than a verbal slapping from a few people on LS. You deserve to be put in your place.

You, sir, lack class, respect, and deserve none yourself.

[crimsonmike]

This thread has gone in a bad direction. This was not my intention. I'm sorry I offended those of you who are. I still don't understand what was so bad, but it obviously was in some of your eyes anyway. Again, sorry for posting this.

[stillafool]

Yea, this was inappropriate for the workplace...but very witty and clever nonetheless!

 

To OP maybe, but not to her!