worlybear Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Struggling again. My soon to be ex mother in law, brother in law and nephew are staying for a few days. I was really looking forward to their visit and have a great relationship with them but to my dismay I am finding their visit really tough. Everywhere we go and everything we do seems to just remind me that my husband is no longer part of the family and if I smile any harder my face will break into a million pieces and I'll end up in a puddle on the ground. I really thought I was beginning to cope- I'm going out meeting new people, making new interests but seeing the family I've shared for 27 years has just completely unhinged me- despite everything I miss my ex and I'm not enjoying this new life of singledom. My older kids are having a great time and thats terrific- I just can't pretend anymore tonight that I am and have cried off going out with a headache. Its one of those desparate nights when I just want to leave the planet- all I can see ahead is divorce angst(which is very vitriolic)and being a lonely single person, - I know its too late and the ex has gone completely but how can I carry on? Sorry about the self pity but I'm not Mother Teresa and I feel absolutely crap.
ishmaiel Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ...just completely unhinged me... Its one of those desparate nights when I just want to leave the planet- all I can see ahead is divorce angst(which is very vitriolic)and being a lonely single person Your writeup almost made me cry (ok, I did cry a little) because I am in a very similar situation. While not actually divorcing, we're in a trial separation (her decision) and nearly every part of me fears the worst. Therefore, I see myself being in your place, and knowing where I am right now, I can only imagine the emotional and mental hell. There is no way to make it better right now. There are no words that will take away the gut-stabbing feeling. It's like a really barfy airplane landing, you have no control but you know that you'll land eventually (let's not talk crashes here, ok?). You said that you managed to find a place in which you were able to cope better - with friends and activities. You've found it once, and you will find it again. Periods of unhinging are natural - they help you unload all the anger, frustration, loss and a million other feeling that are orbiting around you. Each unhinging, however, as it unloads, leaves you with fewer of these feelings and, eventually, the unhingings will be less frequent and less sharp. I know this is easier to say than do. These are words for tomorrow (next week, or month), when you feel better and have the balance to reflect. For now, give yourself the freedom to cry. (hug)
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