sally4sara Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 That's the point I can't agree with. They willingly made that choice. Settling is when one wishes they had X but take Y instead. Those girls who ended up with bad guys didn't settle because they wished they had X and got it. Whether they learn from their mistakes or not is irrelevant. No, see they responded to looks hoping for compatibility to be part of the deal. But they have not figured out what else to look for as indication of good qualities and real compatibility. A nice looking guy doesn't HAVE to be awful anymore than a chubby girl HAS to have a great personality. Choosing only on looks for either gender is short sighted and maturity enables a person to realize this and place looks lower on their list of qualification. It doesn't mean they settle unless, like yourself, it is done out of desperation and they still place looks on top of the list. Sure, I'm glad my husband is handsome. But if he were not all the other things I value about him, it wouldn't matter what he looked like. I've dated the hot sub-human and said no to the second date offer, going home before 10pm because they were awful. I've also dated the average or quirky looking because they had spark and I was glad to have more dates with them.
somedude81 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Yes, he spends all day drinking himself into oblivion while living in his mum's basement, then sleeping with girls at the local bar and she catches him but he lies to her (you conveniently neglected the cheating, lying alcoholic part, I see) ; she is ambitious and intelligent, loyal and honest, comes over to pamper him and clean him up during his hangovers. Who among them is 'settling'? Career isn't relevant? You've gotta be kidding me. In that case, why not say that since her excessive weight isn't 'infectious' and therefore wouldn't 'affect' him, it isn't relevant? LOL your example is great though a bit irrelevant. Based on your example nobody is settling. She's an educated woman who has a great career and could easily get a better guy but she chose to be with him. Either he's some kind of pick up artist or he's packing 10 inches. There has to be a reason why she chooses to be with him despite him being an alcoholic womanizer. It sounds like he's basically got a sugar mama and that can be a good enough reason to justify settling with somebody who doesn't attract him. Doing other women doesn't hurt either. Edited June 4, 2010 by somedude81
Shakz Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 That was nice of you to say, thank you. Your welcome. I appreciate logic.
Els Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 ... Isn't the definition of 'settling' dating someone below your standards when you deserve better?
donnamaybe Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 LOL your example is great though a bit irrelevant. Based on your example nobody is settling. She's an educated woman who has a great career and could easily get a better guy but she chose to be with him. Either he's some kind of pick up artist or he's packing 10 inches. There has to be a reason why she chooses to be with him despite him being an alcoholic womanizer. It sounds like he's basically got a sugar mama and that can be a good enough reason to justify settling with somebody who doesn't attract him. Doing other women doesn't hurt either. Oh, so in THIS case she isn't settling? Even though "she chooses to be with him despite him being an alcoholic womanizer?" Then why is the guy settling when he has a heavy girlfriend? Maybe "he chooses to be with her despite the fact that she's not height/weight proportionate."
ADF Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 There are lots of men out there with girls that they are too good for. Every healthy weight dude with a fat girl is settling. The vast majority of men want somebody who is attractive to them. You're just projecting your own twisted values onto the entire male gender. You don't recognize women as fellow beings at all. Not really. For you, woman are just bodies to f___. They have no other purpose. They hold no other value for you. Therefore, whenever you see a physically fit man with a somewhat less fit woman, you assume he "settling." Because you would be. Because for you, nothing else about the woman could possible matter. I think what guys like you really need is for someone to develop a customized female sex-android you can take out of the closet and f___ and then put away again afterwards.
somedude81 Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) You're just projecting your own twisted values onto the entire male gender. You don't recognize women as fellow beings at all. Not really. For you, woman are just bodies to f___. They have no other purpose. They hold no other value for you. Therefore, whenever you see a physically fit man with a somewhat less fit woman, you assume he "settling." Because you would be. Because for you, nothing else about the woman could possible matter. I think what guys like you really need is for someone to develop a customized female sex-android you can take out of the closet and f___ and then put away again afterwards. My previous post pretty much covers your post Men who can honestly say they prefer a heavy girl are few and far between. What usually happens is that she may have a great personality which compensates for her less than satisfactory looks. Doesn't change the fact that he's still settling. Prove me wrong. BTW your whole shtick about me not recognizing women as human beings and only wanting them for sex is ludicrous. How did you even come up with it? So because I only want to be a with a girl I consider attractive; women aren't humans...? Edited June 5, 2010 by somedude81
ADF Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 BTW your whole shtick about me not recognizing women as human beings and only wanting them for sex is ludicrous. How did you even come up with it? So because I only want to be a with a girl I consider attractive; women aren't humans...? There is a big difference between wanting to be with an attractive woman--which is fine--and insisting that any fit man with a less fit woman must be "settling" for her. That suggests the woman in question really isn't good enough for the man, a judgement you make based totally on the way she looks. That is what I meant by your not recognizing women as fully human. The fact this fit man might have other reasons for being with her, reasons that might even make him feel LUCKY to be with her, doesn't seem to compute for you. In your mind, charm, intelligence, humor--all those human characteristics couldn't possible make up for her excess weight. She's just a body. Nothing else she brings to the table could possibly be worth anything.
sally4sara Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 BTW your whole shtick about me not recognizing women as human beings and only wanting them for sex is ludicrous. How did you even come up with it? He probably came up with it because the below statement is false by your own admission. So because I only want to be a with a girl I consider attractive; women aren't humans...? If this were a true statement, you wouldn't be in this thread complaining about having slept with a girl you consider fat. She wasn't good enough for you to treat like a human being because she was fat, but good enough for you to use as a warm body for ****ing.
somedude81 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 (edited) There is a big difference between wanting to be with an attractive woman--which is fine--and insisting that any fit man with a less fit woman must be "settling" for her. That suggests the woman in question really isn't good enough for the man, a judgement you make based totally on the way she looks. That is what I meant by your not recognizing women as fully human. The fact this fit man might have other reasons for being with her, reasons that might even make him feel LUCKY to be with her, doesn't seem to compute for you. In your mind, charm, intelligence, humor--all those human characteristics couldn't possible make up for her excess weight. She's just a body. Nothing else she brings to the table could possibly be worth anything. The only thing that you can conclude from my posts is that I greatly value a females looks. Everything else, you're just grasping at straws. BTW there's no reason why a fit girl can't have charm, intelligence, and humor... If this were a true statement, you wouldn't be in this thread complaining about having slept with a girl you consider fat. She wasn't good enough for you to treat like a human being because she was fat, but good enough for you to use as a warm body for ****ing. I never claimed to have slept with her. Sure I thought about it, and had the opportunity, but when I saw her stretch marks, I was turned off and decided against sleeping with her. I was complaining because so far she has been the only normal girl that I kind of liked who wanted to have sex with me, and I was mad at myself for even considering it no matter how desperate I was. From that day on I knew to never try to be with somebody I consider below my minimum standards just because she was easy. Edited June 6, 2010 by somedude81
SarahRose Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 So she's a fat lawyer but cheerful and caring and he's a jobless bum? Unless he's mooching off of her, I don't see how her career is even relevant. So what if she is a brilliant surgeon who is super nice, a great cook, and loves sex and he is a mechanic and she just happens to be 200lbs? Is he still settling?
brainygirl Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 So what if she is a brilliant surgeon who is super nice, a great cook, and loves sex and he is a mechanic and she just happens to be 200lbs? Is he still settling? According to some "men" on these boards the most important thing about a woman is her sexual attractivness, and body shape is the only thing that determines sexual attractivness. I am so glad these are not representative of all actual men.
Els Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Men who can honestly say they prefer a heavy girl are few and far between. What usually happens is that she may have a great personality which compensates for her less than satisfactory looks. Doesn't change the fact that he's still settling. Somedude, would you then say that a girl is settling if she chose you instead of a male model then?
MrNate Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Somedude, would you then say that a girl is settling if she chose you instead of a male model then? Ouch.
somedude81 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 According to some "men" on these boards the most important thing about a woman is her sexual attractivness, and body shape is the only thing that determines sexual attractivness. I am so glad these are not representative of all actual men. Of course a woman's body determines her sexual attractiveness. I can't have sex with a brain. Though to me, the only thing that really matters is that physically she isn't below my minimum standards. Somedude, would you then say that a girl is settling if she chose you instead of a male model then? If she really wanted the male model then gave up on it to be with me, then technically that is settling. But there needs to be some aspect of realism. If I said that I wanted to marry Jessica Alba and I wouldn't be happy with anybody else and I do end up marrying somebody, then that's settling. Of course it's completely ridiculous to want only Jessica Alba.
brainygirl Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Of course a woman's body determines her sexual attractiveness. I can't have sex with a brain. Though to me, the only thing that really matters is that physically she isn't below my minimum standards. If she really wanted the male model then gave up on it to be with me, then technically that is settling. But there needs to be some aspect of realism. If I said that I wanted to marry Jessica Alba and I wouldn't be happy with anybody else and I do end up marrying somebody, then that's settling. Of course it's completely ridiculous to want only Jessica Alba. The more you talk, the more we understand why you are single . . . . .
somedude81 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 The more you talk, the more we understand why you are single . . . . . Eh, I can see why you think that. But you must be aware that I am posting anonymously on the internet. I don't talk about any of this stuff in public. The reasons why I'm single are much more complex and beyond the scope of this thread.
sally4sara Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Eh, I can see why you think that. But you must be aware that I am posting anonymously on the internet. I don't talk about any of this stuff in public. The reasons why I'm single are much more complex and beyond the scope of this thread. This lend doubt to your assertion that we don't have sex with people's brains. You know well enough to be fake in your interactions because if they knew your mind, you'd have even less luck.
Shakz Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think there must be something wrong with my 1-10 scale. It keeps getting stuck on six.
homersheineken Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I like Scarlet because her appearance is the most real to me. Pretty face: http://josh-wyxl.itmblog.com/files/2009/05/scarlett_johansson.jpg and slammin, REAL body: http://thebosh.com/archives/upload/2006/10/sexy-scarlett.jpg Plus, something about her is very unbridled and sexy. http://www.sitesmexico.com/imagenes-2009/scarlett-johansson-sexy-3.jpg Definitely! My fav. Pretty, cute, elegant, next-doorish without makeup and can pull off red, brown, and blond hair.
homersheineken Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Definitely! My fav. Pretty, cute, elegant, next-doorish without makeup and can pull off red, brown, and blond hair. I really don't see much of difference between a 1-10 (I don't do it) and the simple yes/no ... either way you're reducing someone to just their physical qualities - and everyone evaluates people on that anyways.
that girl Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I don’t hate the 1-10 scale. I use it all the time with a female friend who can be very vague about whether or not she is into a guy. Asking her “How hot do you think he is, scale of 1 to 10” gives me a much better idea of what she thinks of him. But the reason the guy version of the scale sometimes bugs me is that it is often treated like something decided on my an outside committee. Even if the guy doesn’t actually dig the girl’s looks, if she looks like she could model swimsuits she’s a 10. And the girl next door type he actually digs is a 7. I’m not expecting anyone to take personality into account, but it shouldn’t be treated like the SATs either. Answers may vary widely. The difference is many guys are perfectly find with dating a 2/10 or 3/10. Yeah, but no one (male or female) wants to date someone who considers them subpar. There are people (mostly men probably) who are okay with that for a one night stand, but in general most people want to think their significant other considers them a catch. Men who can honestly say they prefer a heavy girl are few and far between. This totally ignores the fact that body standards have shifted wildly and are now thinner than they have ever been. Marilyn Monroe was not a size 14, but if she was a real live woman today and not an icon, there are guys who would consider her fat. It doesn’t change the fact that some men find women like these attractive and have since the beginning of time: http://alliedow.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/marilyn-monroe-swimsuit.jpg http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iyuXw1Jx_2s/SV-RovvBdkI/AAAAAAAAAsA/PMDvvNcrY0w/s320/Crystal%2Brenn.jpg There some cross cultural standards of beauty, but it isn’t as simple as “Catherine Devenue is a 10, Tina Fey is a 5!” Both of those women are attractive.
somedude81 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 This totally ignores the fact that body standards have shifted wildly and are now thinner than they have ever been. Marilyn Monroe was not a size 14, but if she was a real live woman today and not an icon, there are guys who would consider her fat. It doesn’t change the fact that some men find women like these attractive and have since the beginning of time: http://alliedow.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/marilyn-monroe-swimsuit.jpg http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iyuXw1Jx_2s/SV-RovvBdkI/AAAAAAAAAsA/PMDvvNcrY0w/s320/Crystal%2Brenn.jpg There some cross cultural standards of beauty, but it isn’t as simple as “Catherine Devenue is a 10, Tina Fey is a 5!” Both of those women are attractive. Uh, Marilyn would not fall under the umbrella of "heavier." At 5'5 140 (the heaviest weight I've seen given) she is about 10lbs overweight but definitely not fat. If Marilyn was 160lbs back then, she would have been considered fat, just like she would be now. As for the scale. 5 is average. 7-10 is where the attractive women lye. Tina Fey is at least a 7, getting into 8 territory.
that girl Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think both Marilyn Monroe and Tina Fey are attractive and how they rank will have a lot to do with someone's personal standards, but someone here already posted that Tina Fey was a 5 (harsh in my opinion). And you describe Marilyn Monroe's supposed heaviest weight as "10 pounds over weight" even though it is well within the healthy range according to BMI (I would also bet her body fat is well within bounds). That is your personal preference and many men would consider a heavier Marilyn perfect, just like Crystal Renn and Cameron Diaz are other men's preferences. It is all opinions and they should be treated as such.
somedude81 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Somehow I found hot or not again and it reminded me of this thread. Somebody was asking what the differences between 6 & 7 are etc. Here are my representations of the scale 4 5 also 5 6 also 6 can be called cute 7 also 7 8 also 8 9 also 9 another 9 again 9 there were tons of 9's. 10 Obviously this boils down to my personal preferences but I think it can give an idea of what the ranges are. There was one other 10 I saw but I didn't think to grab her link since I wasn't collecting them at the time.
Recommended Posts