She approached & danced with me, but was with another guy. Do I still have a chance?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

So last night was kind of a bar night. I was hanging out at this lounge after work. I was outside on the front deck. There were quite a few people there. This girl comes out onto the front patio. She was really pretty; petite, short wavy brown hair.

 

 

I could tell she was looking for someone (she was leaning back and forth, looking left and right, trying to look over people's shoulders) and then she arrives to mean, and she leans forward in whispers in a "I-don't-want-anyone-else-to-hear-me kinda" way, "Excuse me, but be honest. Is my hair okay?"

 

It took a second to sink in that this girl had come and talked to me, but I decided to jump on the opportunity and joke around. I said. "No, not really. Hold on one second." She kinda looked shocked, but then I used my thumb to push a lock of her hair that was on her cheek behind her ear and then said. "There! NOW it's perfect!" She laughs and slaps me on the shoulder and says

 

"You're funny." But then she waves to this guy at the other end of the patio (I assume that he was the one she was looking for) and walks to him. I just thought "Damn! Oh well!"

 

The thing is that later, I was chilling at the bar. There were a few people dancing to a slow R&B song in front of the DJ. I see that girl, dancing by her self and wave to her. She then signals me to come over with her finger. I look side to side to make sure she's not signaling some other guy and walk over. She just grabs me by the hands and we start slow dancing. I joked, "I normally don't slow dance. I might crush your toes. Just warning you."

 

She replied, "If you step on my foot, then it's going between your legs. Just a warning." I replied "Oh ho! Tough girl! Bad-ass!" So we slow dance for a bit. In the meantime, we're talking, joking around. Then a hiphop song comes on and she starts grinding against me. In the middle of the song, I joke "Did you ever see the movie Knocked Up?" She goes "I love that movie!"

 

I reply, "Watch this. I'm about to do Seth Rogan's dice-move." So I deliberately put on a silly face and start shaking my hands like I'm rolling and throwing dice like Seth Rogan did in the club-scene of Knocked Up. She starts laughing and returns to dancing with me. The thing is, in the section of the room where all the sofas are, I see the guy she was with, glaring at us and looking angry.

 

I started thinking, "Man, this girl is cute, but I don't want to get beat up tonight." I was also considering the possibility that she was only dancing with me to get that guy jealous. So I decide to end it smoothly by saying "You know what? I'm getting tired," and gently bumped her away with me hip. She got a laugh at that and I just walked away smiling and waving at her. She started dancing with some girlfriends, and when I went back to the bar to call my tab, she returned to the guy she was with.

 

After I called my tab, I went to the bathroom, said goodbye to her, asked if she was on facebook, she said yes, and I told her I'd find her.

 

So here I am. I don't want to get my hopes too high, because I have been "bar-teased" before. Like I said, maybe she likes me, maybe she danced with me to get that guy she was with jealous. I got her facebook info, but haven't friend-requested her yet. What's the proper way to investigate this?

[Cracker Jack]

I dunno, man. There's a chance the guy she was with wasn't anything relevant to her, though.

 

Of course there's a chance, but you shouldn't put too much stock into this one. Btw, nice progress. You're getting better and better each time.

[witabix]

My advice, don't.

 

Do you want to be the guy sitting on the sofa doing the glaring thing?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

My advice, don't.

 

Do you want to be the guy sitting on the sofa doing the glaring thing?

 

I don't understand. I wasn't the guy on the sofa; the guy she came with was.

[DanielMadr]

I don't understand. I wasn't the guy on the sofa; the guy she came with was.

 

He is suggesting that she is major tease. And even if you took her there is big chance she starts the teasing with another guy sooner or later. Andyou wil be the one with nasty look.

 

Based on what you wrote I think she is attention whoring....girls are not that open generally, unless they are playas - no real interest just gauging yours. but it does not mean she won't do you if you play it well too Just don't expect any deep commitment.

[TaurusTerp]

Why do you care about this guy? You dont even know their relationship. Find her, ask her out. If she has a boyfriend she'll tell you.

[bayouboi]

If she has a boyfriend she'll tell you.

 

i lol'd :laugh:

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

So what's the best way to ask her out? Because like I said, I've been bar-teased before. It's been 2 days. Is it still too soon to friend request her?

 

When we start messaging, should I ask her out ASAP or try to get a brief exchange going via facebook?

[TaurusTerp]

So what's the best way to ask her out? Because like I said, I've been bar-teased before. It's been 2 days. Is it still too soon to friend request her?

 

When we start messaging, should I ask her out ASAP or try to get a brief exchange going via facebook?

 

There's no way to predict how a woman will respond...just get a message to her and ask her out asap. Dont do a long ass message exchange.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Just friend requested her with a message. My message was "Fun dancing with you the other night. Sorry we couldn't chat longer, but you seemed busy with your friend ; )"

 

She accepted my friend request, but her reply was "It's cool. It was fun meeting you though : )"

 

Her reply doesn't leave much to go on though. It really doesn't create much of an opening to go out. Does it seem a tiny bit, I dunno, dismissive?

 

I don't want to reply by typing "Well wait a minute! (yadda yadda yadda) wanna do something Wednesday?" or something like that. What's a smooth way to get around her response to go for the date?

[DanielMadr]

Just friend requested her with a message. My message was "Fun dancing with you the other night. Sorry we couldn't chat longer, but you seemed busy with your friend ; )"

 

She accepted my friend request, but her reply was "It's cool. It was fun meeting you though : )"

 

Her reply doesn't leave much to go on though. It really doesn't create much of an opening to go out. Does it seem a tiny bit, I dunno, dismissive?

 

I don't want to reply by typing "Well wait a minute! (yadda yadda yadda) wanna do something Wednesday?" or something like that. What's a smooth way to get around her response to go for the date?

 

Since she is not flirty I say go for the kill...

 

"Gonna go there and there on Saturday night. You should come with me. But you have to promise you will practice the moves not to get me embarassed for you."

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Since she is not flirty I say go for the kill...

 

"Gonna go there and there on Saturday night. You should come with me. But you have to promise you will practice the moves not to get me embarassed for you."

 

Better yet, how can I get her to come out to MY turf; a place of my choosing?

 

Because when you go to a place that a girl MAY frequent, you run the risk of her running into friends who'll distract her from you.

[DanielMadr]

Better yet, how can I get her to come out to MY turf; a place of my choosing?

 

Because when you go to a place that a girl MAY frequent, you run the risk of her running into friends who'll distract her from you.

 

where is the problem? Tell her that you are going to X where X represents your TURF.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

where is the problem? Tell her that you are going to X where X represents your TURF.

 

Well when you told me to go say "Gonna go there on Saturday night," I thought you meant there (the place we met)

 

My area isn't the a big city; people tend to stick to their hometowns around here. You gotta travel far and wide for a mixed and varied nightlife. I can't just say "Going to Bar Celona" or "Club 88" or "The Sky Room" and expect someone to know where it is.

 

Should I probe around and just assume she's going to know what/where I'm talking about when I say "Going to so-and-so Wed" ?

[DanielMadr]

Well when you told me to go say "Gonna go there on Saturday night' date='" I thought you meant [b']there[/b] (the place we met)

 

My area isn't the a big city; people tend to stick to their hometowns around here. You gotta travel far and wide for a mixed and varied nightlife. I can't just say "Going to Bar Celona" or "Club 88" or "The Sky Room" and expect someone to know where it is.

 

Should I probe around and just assume she's going to know what/where I'm talking about when I say "Going to so-and-so Wed" ?

 

You are making obstructions to justice (seducing). You care too much. If you hold the line I suggested in my "going there and there" reply, she is more likely to be interested....and it matters flying shyt where you go. If she wants to go she will ask for address or google it. If not. No biggie. There will be another one...and possibly an easier one.

 

Decide, now. Pick the best option. Write her that message. And stop worrying and over-analysing. It will kill your calm, which is necessary to attract females.

 

Going to sleep now. Good luck, man. And don't sweat it.

[seekandfind]

You should've asked for the digits! But anyways, what Daniel suggested is pretty good, I would wait a two or three days after she responded to your message.

 

If you can think of a smooth way of also asking for her phone number, then do that. Otherwise, definitely get it if/when you see her again.

[mixwell]

From what you explained I would say this chick was totally feeling and it sounds like you played your cards very well but there could be a few reasons she acted the way she did..

 

A. That guy she was with was her boyfriend (which I doubt it because if I were her boyfriend I would probably beat the crap out of you or I would just dump her and bounce by her acting like a bltch) Since I am pretty passive I would probably just LOL it off and leave her there and not feed into the BS..

 

B. Her friend was either gay or a legit friend who is secretly into her but to much of a va j j to actually initiate their relationship further..

 

It's a tough call because all body language would point to her being into you but I do have female friends that act that way just to boost their ego but by you saying that SHE went up to you to ask if her hair looked alright seems like a cheezy way to initiate contact..

 

In closing, I would (if you're interested in her) consider persuing her and contacting her via FB.. Hell you have nothing to lose and if you get in contact you can question her on if she actually does have a b/f etc and feel it out.. I believe 1 night at a bar/club isn't enough to really read someone..

 

I say GO FOR IT !! Good luck !!

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Well, earlier today, I told her I would be checking out this specific venue some time this week, and I asked her when she was available.

 

She hasn't responded, even though that in the time since I sent that message, she has made 3 new facebook status updates. What's up?

[ADF]

You know what? I really can't say.

 

If a man acted the way she did, the answer would be obvious. Men almost never go out of their way to be friendly to women unless they are hitting on them. But that is not true of women. Women will often make a real effort to make platonic male friends. Then again, they will also make an effort to charm guys they are interested in.

 

Go ahead and contact her on facebook. You should have your answer pretty soon.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

You know what? I really can't say.

 

If a man acted the way she did, the answer would be obvious. Men almost never go out of their way to be friendly to women unless they are hitting on them. But that is not true of women. Women will often make a real effort to make platonic male friends. Then again, they will also make an effort to charm guys they are interested in.

 

Go ahead and contact her on facebook. You should have your answer pretty soon.

 

That's how I did contact her.

 

Are you saying send another message prodding her to answer?

[ADF]

That's how I did contact her.

 

Are you saying send another message prodding her to answer?

 

Maybe a couple more. Remeber, some people have lots of fb friends and don't notice everything right away. Also, there is no set etiquette about how quickly to naswer someone who contacts you on facebook. She may not have gotten to you message yet, and doesn't realize she is keeping you in suspense.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Maybe a couple more. Remeber, some people have lots of fb friends and don't notice everything right away. Also, there is no set etiquette about how quickly to naswer someone who contacts you on facebook. She may not have gotten to you message yet, and doesn't realize she is keeping you in suspense.

 

I don't understand why more women are chiming in. Whenever I have a broad or general question about dating in general, a lot of women respond, but when I provide a specific, personal example, I hear crickets.

 

Either way, this girl has made 5 facebook updates since I left her that message, so she's definitely read it.

 

Why isn't she responding?

 

How soon should I make a second attempt to message her again?

[Cracker Jack]

^She probably just doesn't feel like responding. Some women even respond late when it comes to Facebook.

 

I'd say you shouldn't throw her another message right now, until she at least responds. If you send her another and she declines to respond, you'll probably be even more annoyed.

[Confusedalways]

DO NOT send her another message!

 

Her first response was definitely not one i'd expect with someone who she was into. If I liked a guy and he sent me that type of message I'd be over the moon and back again, and definitely given him more to work with.

 

Asking her specifically, which you did, opens the door for her AGAIN and she seemed to have closed it. How long has it been? Sometimes I leave a message waiting until I find something clever or witty or figure out exactly how I want to answer, but I'm usually careful to not update my status and tip off the person that I've been online.