littlerose Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Okay, prepare yourself for a long read but I'll try keep it short. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 2.5 years, we've broken up in the past due to distance as we are both at universities at opposite ends of the country. we have been back together this time for 5 months and everything has been going well. the problem lies with me. the other week i went out after exams had finished and i am ashamed to say that i cheated (slept with another guy). i decided the best thing to do was to be honest and tell my boyfriend, as otherwise our relationship would be a lie. i told him and of course he is now devastated. he is, however, considering forgiving me and staying together. my issue is that i'm not sure whether it is right for him to forgive me. i feel like he should break up with me and move on to something better. this is because all the times we have broken up it has been me doing the dumping and now i have gone and cheated and yet he still wants to be with me. i don't understand. i constantly hurt him and i don't want to any more, i say to him that it would be better for him to forget about me and move on but he doesn't seem to want to. part of me (selfishly) wants to stay with him but i know i can't guarantee that i'm not going to mess him around again. i need to grow up and learn to respect him, which at the minute i feel like i don't shown through me cheating. despite this it would be so harsh for me to have told him i cheated, then for him saying he wants to make it work and then me saying well i don't want to be with you. we are both young (19 and 20) and i feel like i should be free for a while to find out what sort of person i actually am. where he craves stability i long to go out and try new things. this summer for example he is staying at home and getting a job while i am going to kenya to help with charity projects out there. i just feel like we are two very different people. at the same time, however, i don't want to be the idiot who throws away a perfectly good relationship with a guy who obviously loves me immensely just to not feel trapped and have fun. any experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated. feel free to call me stupid or whatever. don't know what's wrong with my head at the minute.
GrayClouds Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 freedom or stability? plus i've cheatedYou already answer that question by your actions. If you care any about your boyfriend you would move on so he can find someone who wants to be with him because they truly loves and respects him, rather then just using him for stability.
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Accept that your BF will feel the way he feels, regardless of whether that matches up with the way you *think* he should feel. Do what is healthy for you. If that means moving on, which I recommend, that's your path. Give yourself another five to ten years of growth and relationship experience, learning from this relationship, and then 'settle down'. Welcome to LS.... Good luck
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