girlie908 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Hey guys, I decided that this would be my last post ever, over my ex boyfriend. I have been in this site since 2006, all regarding the same boy, and now it's finally over, for good. Some background info: We became a couple freshman year of college, and successfully went out until summer after sophomore year, when we broke up yet tried to remain friends (albeit with benefits). Up until yesterday, we had been what I thought was an "on and off" relationship. I'm moving away in a week and I just had to know if a he had any feelings for me, or if tHe heart only sees what it wants to see. Well I got my answer all right. It was hard for me to be so brutally honest and tell him how I felt (I sometimes thought a future was possible, I was crushing on him, etc) After 3 years of bs- aka not really dating but breadcrumbs and me ego boosting him, he said that he doesn't have feelings for me, and hasn't for a very long time. He also said I have burned too many bridges, and would never consider a relationship with me again. He does however, want us to be "lifelong" friends. Man, was I shocked. All of our friends considered us the "Ross-Rachel" relationship from the tv show friends, and joked about us getting married. I kinda secretly thought so too. That was, until last night, when the x confirmed all my feelings for a very long time, were false. I'm not gonna lie. I feel kind of dumb. I told the x that the things he did were deceptive, and not "normal" for a friendship (spending days together, shopping, him offering to buy me things, coming to family events, all while hooking up and me staying at his place with him making me food). He claimed it was because our of deep history, which made our relationship unique, but the feelings behind his action were never there, however hopeful I was that they might be. Well lsers, I just wanted to share this story after reading countless threads, articles, and postings about ex boyfriends. After 3 years, please learn from my mistake. Don't take breadcrumbs. Don't try to be friends if you still want to be with them or are attracted to them. Unless they are knocking down your door with a marriage proposal or something very serious, go no contact immediately to help yourself heal as quickly as possible. I remember I used to try to tell myself that my situation was different, but it really wasn't. I have cried countless tears, and had felt so much frustration over one person, and for what? For them to tell me they stopped feeling anything for me so long ago, but they kept me around because I was willing to take the breadcrumbs, throw ego boosts his way, and generally satisfy him until he got his new girlfriend. I have steered clear of a relationship with anyone else for 3 years because of my attachment to this dysfunctional relationship, when I could have already been happy with someone who actually deserved my time and love. I am happy that he was totally honest with me. I actually feel like most people wouldn't be that brutally honest. And as much as it hurts and will hurt for some time, I am just so glad I can stop disillusioning myself and find someone who actually loves me and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Do I regret the time I spent agonizing over this one ex? Yes, kind of, but the best lessons are the one you learn from yourself and your own experiences, and I have learned what I do and don't want, and will tolerate/ not tolerate from relationships. So dear LSers, thanks for everything. We have been through so much, and although I'm sure I will have many more relationship issues with men being only 22, I can officially call this case closed.
romer Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 WOW...it's good that you have closure now, but I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that...sounds like he took advantage of the situation, but you have come out a stronger person and I am sure you have learned from this. Luckily, my ex and I had NC but I did have closure and he had the decency to stay away so that I could sort out my feelings. It would have been nice if your ex had told you a long time ago and saved you alot of time and grief. Good luck to you and stay positive!
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