Very not sure now.

[IAreLucas]

Okay so im new here and ive taken it upon myself that i need some help big time in reguards to potentiolly getting my ex girl back.

 

So we met in september 08 i had gotten in to university and wed been chatting online for a few weeks before i moved to my place in bournemouth and we met up soon after i got settled in, she was 16 i was 18, we had an instant connection and proceeded to have an awsome relationship for a year and a half with tons of great memories and all the little inside jokes we had... when things started to get rocky. I did everythiung for her and treated her like a princess (without being a doormat) and we were generally happy together, we moved in together for like 8 months before our breakup and all she would be doing in the last few months of our relationship she was texting one guy in paticular a lot i tried to not let it bother me as i didnt want to seem jelous so i let it go.

 

I went home for christmas that year and she kept calling me when i was trying to have fun with my family and i got a little angry at her and shes held this against me for ages and then finally come febuary she decided to break up with me for reassons i will never know as i got the bull**** "i love you not in love with you" so i moved out and i left her alone for a max of say two weeks to see if the no contact approach would work and low and behold shes now going out with the guy shed been texting before we broke up. I then started to panic and sent love letters with rose petals inside and any other romantic thing i could of thought of however it was "Too late."

 

I tried all the ebooks and scowered the net on ways that i could win her back whichn didnt really have much sucess so i just thought im going to have to go this one on my own.

 

Hes 22 and at this point shes 17 (She turns 18 on June 8th.) and im 20. and she started going out with him within weeks of us breaking up (A rebound?) they have now been together for 4 months but me and her are still in contact and have each other on facebook. The thing is she came over to my place a few weeks back and just started talking about how things were so bad between them how he doesnt do anything for her and how shes putting all the effort in the relationship (when it was the other way around when we were dating) and how he jsut likes to hang with his matea and play his xbox and generally pay her no attention. then we started some pyshical contact and thigns got very heated and then at the last minute she backed out as she said if she could do what we were going to do and not regret it she would but she woiuld regret it so she wouldnt do it. I respected all boundries however she was throwing off so many signs like wanting me to hold her and stuff and i thought well i need to take action on them or shel think im not interestead.

 

After that things were a little awkward but then we were lying in bed half dressed pretty much just cuddling and talking all day and reminissing about all our good times. However we went out shopping a few times and shed want to hold my hand and when wed be sat down somwehere shed lean in close to me and rest her head on my shoulders and generally wanting to be close to me. which was great but i had no idea of what her intentions were. Later on after that faitfull day (one with loads of physical contact) we were talking and she claimed it was a mistake and nothing happened as she didnt want to risk losing the new guy (as hes so amazing apparently).

 

Ive been seeing a few other girls and she gets incredibly jelous about it and says it hurts her to see me with other girls to which i replied it didnt have to be this way and im entitled to hang around with whom i like. She admitted that she didnt think things through and moved on too quickly and even said that we shouldnt of broken up but then finished with "i dont know what i want but happy with what i have got."

 

Within these months i got random texts from her apologising that she was a S*** girlfriend and how she wished it never ended this way and stuff like that, she would have her moments i guess when she was home alone and would be thinking of us but when it came to being with him at weekends i was an after thought.

 

We are still good friends and meet up ocassionally and i still would like her back im jsut unsure on what i need to do, i know im going to have to wait out thier breakup as it seems that hes not treating her as she wants to be treated (hence why girls are attracted to jerks for thier certain traits) which leads me to be confused as to why shes still with the guy. im still friendly withn all of her family too and they think shes being just plain stupid. I dont know if its her age or weather shes jsut confused or shes just trying to keep me around incase things go wrong with him, since all this though i told her nicely that im just going to get on with my life and maybe someday shel figure out what she wants as ive told her i still love her and would like to try things again and left it at that.

 

All in all i healed from the breakup and she moved on real quick which led me to think it may be a rebound as hes an opposite to me in the sense of im the nice guy hes the bad boy type, My heart doesnt ache for her like it did, but when i see her or meet up with her in person my heart goes nuts! im guessing im looking to the future that yes i would like her back but she needs to decide for herself, and the thing is its mostly her contacting me either by text or phone call or facebook, i guess its all these things that are generally confusing me, in fairness im fine with my life at present but i know i still care for her and love her as it wouldnt bother me when i see status updates involving the new guy which do sting a bit.

 

The next thing that really confused me is that we were talking on the phone one night and we started arguing a bit ( i guess my passion for her manifested itself) i told her i missed her and said i didnt think she was happy with the new guy to which she got on the denfense and said he jsut not good with relationships, he needs to be taught and learn from his mistakes, then i said what youre going to teach somebody to love you? and shes like well if he doesnt imnprove and doesnt treat me like he should im not going to stick around. She also told me that shes said to him that I never treated her like he does ( in the sense he doesnt really care and is possibley using her for one thing) and that she wouldnt settle for anything less for the way i treated her, so guess i must have done a good job just didnt know where it went wrong! XD

 

Everyone has told me to move on and that im better off without her, witch i have done sort of it dooesnt phase me that shes with this other guy and what theyre doing, I just know theres parts of me that still want her back and i think theres parts of me still left within her otherwise the thigns that happened between us and the extreme physical contact and all wouldnt be there. I just wish shed see what shes doing and that shes better off with me.

 

So if theres anyone out there that can offer me some form of advice or maybe how much longer this guys going to be around that would be great.

 

sorry to waffle on and thanks for reading! =]

Edited June 3, 2010 by IAreLucas

[wingman2]

I can somewhat relate. My girl of 3 1/2 years broke things off with me 3 months ago for reason's still unknown. I never got closure. Regardless though after almost a month of NC she contacted me admitting to missing me and thinking of me constantely but I kept my guard up and didn't give in cause like u I didn't know her intentions and still don't. We're still in contact though, she always initiates it. I don't know if she has a bf, she said she's not interested in any relationships but who knows. I treated her like a princess too.

 

Honestly I don't know wut to think about ur gf, all I know is that if she we're serious about u being a better bf and treated her right she would have left that jackass a while back if she knew she can get something better. Obviously sounds like she's keeping u on the back burner until she's had enough of her current bf. Sounds like she's just trying to make things work between him and her and is keeping u as back up in case things don't work out with him. Truthfully if she loved u she wouldn't be wasting her time with him. I understand the pain ur going through but I would never settle to be used as back up and I would never give into getting back with her unless she puts a lot of effort on her part into wanting u back. If she wants u she should earn u. I say if ur still in contact, try to go NC. I think she'll come to her senses and come around. It's up to u then. U know ur situation better than anyone else so you'll know wut to do. Do u honestly think she's worthy of ur love if she just gave u up so fast?

[IAreLucas]

Hey wingman, yes! indeed i think shes trying to make it work with them she contacts me regularly through the week but come the weekend i get nothing allthough recently sometimes she does send me texts which is strange. I think NC may be the next best move, i keep seeing facebook statuses about how "Loved up" she is but it hink she just fell for the infatuation of the new guy, i defintately see her jelousy toward me when i hang with other girls as a defintive sign and all the close contact we had, and i guess youre right about keeping me on the back burner, for now though its going to be NC as it hink ive been in contact with ehr to much so i need to withdraw a bit like try to do the push pull theory right.

 

All in all i think it really is just infatuation i dont think its going to last much longer between them and when i move into my new apartment in september when im going to be further away from ehr i think it might give her a reality check that im slipping away for good. And also agreed she will have to make a serious effort if things do change she really did break my heart but thats why it hink this is jsut a rebound relationship as she left me and didnt wait to heal which probbably would of ended up in reconcilliation, guess its just NC and patience.

 

Its greta to have a reply from you wingman ive seen you around these boards a few times hope everythings allright in your neck of the woods =]

[wingman2]

Things could be better. I'm somewhat in a similar situation as you, just that unlike you my ex never admitted that she regrets her decision. All I know is that she contacts me frequently and every now and then she'll say something sweet but aside from that she never gives any indication that she still has feelings for me, I just assume she does. Neither do I ask her so many questions. I never bring up the break up, I don't ask if she loves me or is dating someone, there's a lot I probably don't know but neither do I wish to know. I'm just trying to make things fun and be myself when we do talk or hang out. I noticed she kind of tries to avoid flirting with me, lately she's been kind of sad though, dunno if her emotions are in any way related to our break up.

 

Right now I don't know wuts going on. I messaged her last 2 days ago and she never got back to me, I'm just waiting cause I really want to know if she's trying to win me back or if I should just go NC. My ex has never been indirect, so even if she may want me back she may think I don't so she would'nt risk it cause she doesn't want to get hurt. I kind of pointed at that, considering when she admitted she missed me to death I told her that I want to see wuts in store for me. At the time I was mad at her and didn't know her intentions. Next time I talk to her I'll ask her why she was concerned with how I felt and find out what's on her mind. She may be split in two and doesn't know if she wants back or not.

 

Good luck with the NC. It's hard at first but gets easier, if she still has any feelings for u she'll come around, it's brought my ex chasing after me each time and in my opinion I think it'll be same for u.

[wingman2]

Whoops meant to say she's never been direct. My ex has always been very indirect.

[IAreLucas]

Yeah i can relate about ehr being split in two except the fact shes got this rebound guy still, i think NC is the way to go ill be fine about it anyway, only thing im worried about is when i do talk to ehr eventually i know shes going to be like " why ahev you been ignoring me" and stuff liek that as ive been faced with it tiems before and ive told her ive been busy and stuff and i dont think she really buys it but hey thats what im gonna do.

 

Hope your situation improves man, sucks for us ncie guys XD

[joshrw6969]

Hey wingman, yes! indeed i think shes trying to make it work with them she contacts me regularly through the week but come the weekend i get nothing allthough recently sometimes she does send me texts which is strange. I think NC may be the next best move, i keep seeing facebook statuses about how "Loved up" she is but it hink she just fell for the infatuation of the new guy, i defintately see her jelousy toward me when i hang with other girls as a defintive sign and all the close contact we had, and i guess youre right about keeping me on the back burner, for now though its going to be NC as it hink ive been in contact with ehr to much so i need to withdraw a bit like try to do the push pull theory right.

 

All in all i think it really is just infatuation i dont think its going to last much longer between them and when i move into my new apartment in september when im going to be further away from ehr i think it might give her a reality check that im slipping away for good. And also agreed she will have to make a serious effort if things do change she really did break my heart but thats why it hink this is jsut a rebound relationship as she left me and didnt wait to heal which probbably would of ended up in reconcilliation, guess its just NC and patience.

 

Its greta to have a reply from you wingman ive seen you around these boards a few times hope everythings allright in your neck of the woods =]

 

Dude, if I were you, I would just let it go.

 

In your case, I used to be the one who would tell sweet things, keep in contact for personal use. I tend to use people that used to like me for the things I want. I stopped now, but when I used to do that, I started so many conflicts for myelf, and the girls wouldn't stop clinging on.

 

For the sake of yourself, let it go. There's so many girls to choose from.

[IAreLucas]

I have let go in some respects but there parts of me that are still attached to her, thats why im going NC to see what happens, its esier said than done to totally let og of someone who your eally thought was the one and i think ive done pretty well for myslef in fairness. Im only 20 and i have to make good and bad choices to learn from them.

 

If she was tuely done with me then the things that have happened wouldnt of happened, i belive i still have a chance, im fine with living my life without her but would still liek to share it with ehr, ill report on what happens in the next few weeks off NC as rebound man is going away to downlaod festival and shes going to be elft on ehr own so it will be interesting to see how i magically come back to being centre of attention but im not going to let her have it. =]

[IAreLucas]

Hey guys jsut a little but amazing devlopment to share with you, okay so this week on thursday i had my ex call me up in tears seeing she "needs me" and is the only one she can talk too, turned out rebound guy had had enough of her and dumnped her with the excuse of him not being ready, so ive been the shoulder to cry on and giving her posotive vibes but slowly giving it to her, looks like we are ojn the road to getting back together again, she said she also couldnt apologise enough becasue she now knew what it felt like to get dumped by somebody.

 

So looks like the NC and little contact both blended in together does work and keeping busy making improvements on yourself yadayada counts towards it will post more updates as they happen. =]

[feelinggood]

you sound so happy and excited! but good for you. I'm in a similar situation, my ex was with a girl and she dumped him for some stupid reason and now he's regretting like hell. But he didn't come apologising and asking for second chances. He just told our common friends that he misses me and he feels guilty to come back to me after what he has done.

 

Anyhow, you shouldn't let your guard down so quickly. She might be just lonely and desperate to get a bf now. Both of you should sit down and talk about it. If she's not ready for a committed rship, I don't see any reason for you to reconcile. However, if both of you are really ready, start things slowly. Treat it as a new rship and slowly get things back on track.

 

Good luck, Lucas! And do update us from time to time

[IAreLucas]

@feelingood,

 

Agreed things are going to have to go slow as new guy has now been texting around saying hes made a mistake by dumping her, i sort of regret being there for her when he did dump her as i was planning to turn me being there for here into a more romantic situation but it could be a possibility of me setting up for another big fall, shes meeting him this friday to get her stuff back from his place, she says shes not expecting anything else from him and shes having her guard up toward him as she got hurt before, im just going to keep out the way again for a while until after friday and ask around to see what happens,

 

i dont understand why i cant let this girl go, she always said to me i am her first true love i wish she wouldnt be so stubburn and maybe TRY for once, you need to start over again and rebuild, she said this herself as well that shed like things to go back to normal and all the things we used to do, i guess im going to have to be patient one last time and after this friday ill truely know where i stand.

 

More updates to come.

[IAreLucas]

ok so havent updated for a while,

 

heres whats been going on the last month or so.

 

thing havent really worked out between me and my ex, i helped her through her tough time and she even stayed over my place a few nights (nothing happened) as she said i was the only one who she could talk to and feel safe with and she needed me, all big stuff however a month or so later nothins happened she claims she cant feel the feelings she did for me (thanks to the prick she left me for) she said things would be easy if she could feel what she did for me before and she regrets doing what she did, ive tried to compete with this wall shes put up but i cant fight it any longer looks like she is the one who got away,

 

what makes it worse is she still comes to visit, i dont want her as a friend i want her as my partner and ive told her this, i went to visit home a few weeks back and she visited in tears saying shes confused and didnt know what she wants the guy she elft for me had been talking to ehr and dropping her like a hat and she said she doesnt know if she wanted to try thing with me and her again as she was scared it wouldnt be the same io tried to explain it wouldnt be straight away as you have to rebuild the relationship yet this didnt work either,

 

lately it feels like she haunts me i mean my heart doesnt ache for her like before but i know for sure i still miss her we had great times and i guess thats what the part of me still feels, somewhere shes still in my heart what makes it hurt more is that she doesnt want me but i still want her, i also feel like i could go back and do things differently like not moving out as quick as i did i should maybe have stuck it out and tried to fix it but i was so hurt about what was happoening i couldnt stand to be near her...

 

everywhere i go little things i see remind me of ehr it was ture love what we had, yes she was moody and had short tempers and all the other bad points about her iu knew about but its like a drug ive withdrawn from i misws holding her close and her cute smile and everything else, im moving to a new apartment this september so hopefully its the start of new thing, what makes my feel awkward is that we both live in the same town and i dont really want her to find out where im living i also took out a enw contract phone so my number will change too and im not giving it to her, im still great frineds with ehr dad and hes told me if she wants to come looking for me hell give me a heads up and i can decide what to do from there.

 

so all in all the whole thing jsut crashed landed even mroe so, it was really confusing having her stay at my palce for over a week as i helped her pick up the pieces (which now i wished i ahdnt done) as its gotten me nowhere i told her that i wanted to hopefully start things again after shes healed herself but i didnt want to rush her but shes jsut played so many confusing moves, liek telling me she doesnt weant to get my hopes up and all and then wants to sleep in the same bed as me and **** like that but i cant hold her or anything and just eughhh.. it all got confusing.

 

I think what hurts most is that i never got closure on it all she kept dipping in and out my life saying all these thing and i never got anywhere which is what made it more difficult for me to fully recover..

 

so there you have it guys. A total failure of trying to egt back together theres nothing else i can do excpet try to forget her and move on, it will be hard to get rid of the last strains of hope i had but i guess ill egt there soon, we were so good together such a waste...

Edited August 22, 2010 by IAreLucas

[VeveCakes]

Yep. You were happy with being second choice, I don't know why you would get back with someone who only wanted you because she was dumped, but we all make bad choices. She used you for comfort and what not after he left her. Sadly, all you can do is try and learn from what happened and move on.

[IAreLucas]

@VerveCakes

 

it wasnt that i was happy with being in second place, i hated it, however i thoght id sieze the oppertunity i was gien to get back the person whom i was happy with msot but thinking about it lately she had lots of bad pointers about her i just miss the past and good times and whenever i see or heear about her i jsut feel funny inside, i cant wait until next week which is when i move into my new appartment and start a new life, somthing tells me that she might come looking for me however i doubt it at the same time, as currently she knows where to find me, so im guessing when im gone she might realise what a screw up she made of the situation,

 

ah well whats done is done and i can only learn im only 20 haha i probbaly have plenty of this stuff to come!!