Lovelybird Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) Is the boss whom you have romantic feelings for and he has no respect for you? I am glad you made a right decision although you hesitated a little. This is the moment you should respect yourself, and show him you worth being respected. Stop messing round his family and wife. The wife invited you, maybe she wants to observe you and your boss. I have seen this scene with my own eyes. My peer invited his mistress to his home, and his wife prepared a big dinner. At the time due to business I was on that dinner as well. She was gracious and warmly welcomed her (the whole scene is so twisted !). But the pain she hid was obvious to me. Later my peer even boasted to me that the young mistress told him that he hurted her so much when he dumped her. You don't want to be a man's toy. After that, I really don't want any business with him. I hope you really open your eyes. Edited June 4, 2010 by Lovelybird
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Is the boss whom you have romantic feelings for and he has no respect for you? I am glad you made a right decision although you hesitated a little. This is the moment you should respect yourself, and show him you worth being respected. Stop messing round his family and wife. The wife invited you, maybe she wants to observe you and your boss. I have seen this scene with my own eyes. My peer invited his mistress to his home, and his wife prepared a big dinner. At the time due to business I was on that dinner as well. She was gracious and warmly welcomed her (the whole scene is so twisted !). But the pain she hid was obvious to me. Later my peer even boasted to me that the young mistress told him that he hurted her so much when he dumped her. You don't want to be a man's toy. After that, I really don't want any business with him. I hope you really open your eyes. To be honest, the dinner charade makes me want to puke. I don't know how to get out of that one without being openly rude and even more suspicious. I am telling myself that it's only a couple of hours out of my life and it will be over. I don't want to cause myself or his wife any pain.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 BTW Lovelybird, saying no to this feels like a great way to take a good chunk of my self respect back
GreenEyedLady Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Would you feel that it's appropriate for your H to share a small apartment for a week with much younger and pretty co-worker on a business trip when there is an option of separate hotel rooms? I have had some mixed advice from my real life friends so I am not sure if I am making a too big of a deal out of this - perhaps this is perfectly normal to most people. Hell no!!!!
SarahRose Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I honestly don't understand why you keep posting about this? This should have taken about 5 seconds to solve and about half of that time to spend your time thinking about it. Really it should have been, no thank you, a motel room for myself is fine. and to the dinner invitation, a no thank you I have other plans that night. Just stop thinking about it.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 To be honest, the dinner charade makes me want to puke. I don't know how to get out of that one without being openly rude and even more suspicious. I am telling myself that it's only a couple of hours out of my life and it will be over. I don't want to cause myself or his wife any pain. simply call and tell her that you can't make it. let her draw her own conclusion without giving her a lame excuse. if she wants to reschedule - tell her you'll get back to her... then don't. nothing good will come for you if you go to that dinner with his wife. it's a setup for her to sniff around and see if there's anything she suspects may be happening.
2sunny Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 IF you do go to dinner at their house... ask his wife how she feels about the arrangements to stay in an apt. and explain how much he insisted when you said you were uncomfortable about her husband's business decision. see what her take o this is.
Lovelybird Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 BTW Lovelybird, saying no to this feels like a great way to take a good chunk of my self respect back This is what I am talking about Before I think myself is being rude to turn down other's propose, I would think what their motives are. If their motive aren't that decent, I would think I am doing them a favor by saying no to them.
JackJack Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I think he should and needs to be called out on his "arrangement". I understand you do not want to lose your job but you know what, its gonna come down to what you really want for yourself. Even if this arrangement is canned you're still going to be working for someone who obviously could make things uncomfortable for you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 (edited) The reason I posted 2 threads is that I feel I didn't get enough responses in the first one. Honest? You have 2 pages of responses on the other thread and 3 on this one, with not a single deviation; every one says it is a messed up situation. I really question you posing this to "married women." Who cares what random "married women" think? I mean, what difference could that possibly make? You are NOT "that naive" and I think you are playing some games ... on yourself. I propose that you are getting something big out of this. Are you still infatuated with your boss, even though you've posted threads saying you aren't? Is your self esteem so low that you are getting validation from this situation? Is the "waffling" behavior that you exhibit here (by "not knowing" whether this is okay or not even after 5 pages of discussion) coming through to your boss, and leading him to believe that you might go for this? Do you need this drama in your life so much? You need to be honest with yourself. Follow your own conscience, or do what you want to do. Edited June 4, 2010 by Mme. Chaucer
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 Honest? You have 2 pages of responses on the other thread and 3 on this one, with not a single deviation; every one says it is a messed up situation. I really question you posing this to "married women." Who cares what random "married women" think? I mean, what difference could that possibly make? You are NOT "that naive" and I think you are playing some games ... on yourself. I propose that you are getting something big out of this. Are you still infatuated with your boss, even though you've posted threads saying you aren't? Is your self esteem so low that you are getting validation from this situation? Is the "waffling" behavior that you exhibit here (by "not knowing" whether this is okay or not even after 5 pages of discussion) coming through to your boss, and leading him to believe that you might go for this? Do you need this drama in your life so much? You need to be honest with yourself. Follow your own conscience, or do what you want to do. Are you serious? Of course I have 5 pages of replies NOW but at the time of posting this thread I only had about 4 replies to the other one. I am not "waffling". It's over and done with. I have booked another arrangement. I really thought that perhaps I was over-reacting to this before I posted on here. I was infatueted with who I thought he was before I got to know him better. I am not infatuated anymore. Having said that, even at the height of my infatuation I would never have crossed the line and had an affair. Cheaters are beyond contempt and that includes OW. Are you an OW and perhaps offended by this stance? As for ego validation, MM wanting to f... you is not exactly anything to be proud of. I want someone to love me, someone that I can love and someone that I can have a future and my own family with.
whichwayisup Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Would you feel that it's appropriate for your H to share a small apartment for a week with much younger and pretty co-worker on a business trip when there is an option of separate hotel rooms? I have had some mixed advice from my real life friends so I am not sure if I am making a too big of a deal out of this - perhaps this is perfectly normal to most people. Uhh, I would have a HUGE problem with this. It isn't normal and it's completely inappropriate.
You Go Girl Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 (edited) You may be younger and pretty, but the real attraction is that you are vulnerable, naive, and gullible. Young women think it is all about their looks. It isn't. It's about how easily manipulated they are. Older MM that are egotistical jackasses want that easily manipulated, vulnerable, gullible, naive woman because she doesn't call them out on their bs like their older wife does, which hurts their oh so fragile peter pan immature ego, but instead (pun intended) strokes their pseudo-ego. You're starting to come out of that fog, thank the gods. As for the dinner, I'd go. I'd make good friends with the wife, look her in the eye, basically ignore him, and with just with simple eye connection let her know that you know what a jerk he is, and that you and she are on the same team. He can sit there and sulk and wallow in being ignored, his peter pan ego shot down once again. Edited June 5, 2010 by You Go Girl
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 I have decided to go to dinner (unless she calls and cancels) and be nice to his wife. Make her see that there is nothing to worry about (at least from me, there are plenty of other women sniffing around him that she SHOULD be worried about). She is a stay at home mum while he works long hours and travels constantly and is exposed to numerous women. She probably barely meets anyone new. I kind of feel bad for her since (his words): he has grown so much since the marriage and she is stagnating - and is probably the main reason while he is chasing other women (plus he is just a j-rk with a power trip).
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 BTW I kind of feel sad that I posted threads asking for genuine advice and wanting to do the right thing. I have since followed the advice and booked separate accomodation. Yet, I am still being attacked on here.
2sunny Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 BTW I kind of feel sad that I posted threads asking for genuine advice and wanting to do the right thing. I have since followed the advice and booked separate accomodation. Yet, I am still being attacked on here. i don't see attacks - i see god solid suggestions that have lead to very smart choices on your part. i say "good for you!" i see your new clarity about the situation as a whole as very healthy - keep up the solid growth. let us know how the dinner goes... i think your attitude and perspective going in is awesome - stay focused on his wife while you're there... he's likely to try to be an attention grabber - possibly even willing to try to find a way to get some alone time with you while you're there... don't do it - it is only likely to cause suspicion by his wife - and is only designed to feed his ego.
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