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Complete Confusion

EmeraldHeart

By EmeraldHeart
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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

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Well, about 6 weeks ago, a male co-worker and I exchanged phone #'s and we have gone out about 6 times. He initiated the phone # exchange. I let him know as soon as the topic of sex was brought up, that I am not a casual sex type of person. I have to have some sort of feelings for the person and that my partners need to be STD tested before I will have sex. He told me that was not an issue and stated when he sees his doctor this month, he will inquire about the STD testing. Initially, we were talking every other day outside of work (we rarely see each other at work and don't talk every day there). In the beginning he was coming on very strong asking me to go to Sunday dinner to meet his mom and some of his siblings. I declined because that is too much pressure early on, imo. He was talking about taking me here, there, and everywhere. I said, I would be interested in doing such things once we see where this is heading. I got a bit freaked out and told him that I don't need to talk to someone everyday and that I am a slow mover when it comes to relationships, especially when it comes to sex. Our first date, not even a kiss, we just hugged. Our second and third dates, was a nice kiss and nuzzling of necks. He asked me at the end of the dates when picking up my car at his house, do I want to stay over and I decline. We have talked extensively about our sexual preferences. He has told me more than one time that he is not just interested in sex. We spoke about whether either one of us is seeing anyone else. He said one woman was calling him quite a bit and he told her that he has other stuff going on, he is busy, and he doesn't have time to wait around...contradiction there. He stated he did go out with someone else when we first started going out and there are women that are interested in him and are calling him, but that he is only seeing me, that he is only interested in seeing me, and he likes where this is going. The first 3 weeks we were talking a lot more and we were seeing each other more frequently. The last 3 times we spent together we were either at his place or mine and we have progressed to heavy petting and myself receiving oral this last time. I told him again, once he is tested we can move our sexual relationship further and he seemed fine with that. These past 2 weeks we have only spoken when I have asked him to call or I have called him. We do text a bit, but I am not that fond of texting. He brought up 2 times over the weekend that the reason he didn't call me last week is because he worked 10-12 hours of overtime. He said he didn't want me to think he wasn't interested in me anymore. He also stated that he recalled me saying I am in no hurry...I meant sexually. Once I told him 2 weeks ago that I would go to his mom's for dinner, he hasn't brought it up since. I think when we briefly talk at work, he considers that us talking. He mentioned how he has noticed the huge change in the amount we were initially talking and seeing each other compared to now and prefers the way it was before when I asked. He stated that if I don't mind, because I am an insomniac, if he calls me later in the evening...close to midnight is what he has done twice, because he can get all that he needs done with coming home late, his dog, eating, shower, etc and I said that was fine. He states it is a nice way to end the day...well, he hasn't called and I was the last to initiate a text. I am just confused. We have great physical chemistry and when we are together we have a good time. Is he hanging around to get laid? I am of the school, actions speak louder than words and well, his actions stink as of late. He is 42, come on! I said in no uncertain terms, that if either one of us is no longer interested in the other or things aren't going in the direction one would like, let's be mature and not waste each others time and just let the other person know. When we spoke this weekend I reiterated that notion and he stated that I made that perfectly clear. I feel he knows where I stand. I am not into casual sex, hence I am not interested in a casual relationship. I let him know that if he is seeing anyone one else, that I will take myself out of the running because I am not interested in being one of many or one of two. I feel I have been clear with my intentions. I hope he doesn't feel trapped because we work together because we RARELY see each other at work and in the coming months will hardly speak to each other at work due to changes.

 

What are your thoughts folks?

Edited by EmeraldHeart
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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

Posted
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Posted

So, no one has an opinion on this? Would love some feedback.

Serenitynow Established Member

Serenitynow

Posted
Posted
let's be mature and not waste each others time and just let the other person know

 

I have never met anyone on a date that has been mature and said thanks but no thanks, when not interested.

 

they either

 

A want to keep you around for an option

 

B are too immature to say not interested and would rather you take the hint so they dont have to dirty their hands

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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

Posted
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Posted

I am upfront and let someone know if I lose interest during the get to know you/dating process. I am not talking about after going out once. In this situation, it would be best to let the other person know seeing as we are co-workers. If I lose interest, I have no problem letting him know.

 

This man is very hard for me to read and was hoping for some insight based on the minimal information I have given...but it would all just be guessing....and I am ok with that! Just interested in other people's take on the situation.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Posted

I think you should think twice before getting involved with someone you work with. It can get very, very messy.

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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

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I would normally agree, but we don't talk or see each other on a daily basis, typically. Also, NO ONE at work has any idea that we are seeing each other and we both intend to keep it that way. If he was one of the men that I work with on a daily basis, I would have never even considered giving him my phone # when asked.

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

Most any guy would have gone through the motions of the STD tests long before now, whether they thought they would be getting any from you right away, or not.

 

 

He has had several weeks, and still hasn't even been motivated that much yet???

 

A typical guy would want to be "ready" and "approved" for sex with you regardless of whether you were ready to offer it.

 

That's the part that makes me pause...

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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

Posted
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Posted (edited)
Most any guy would have gone through the motions of the STD tests long before now, whether they thought they would be getting any from you right away, or not.

 

 

He has had several weeks, and still hasn't even been motivated that much yet???

 

A typical guy would want to be "ready" and "approved" for sex with you regardless of whether you were ready to offer it.

 

That's the part that makes me pause...

 

I thought the same thing. He is 42 and has never been tested and stated I was the first women that has ever asked him to be tested. I don't know where he meets women. I think he thought I would cave in and not mind if he didn't get tested. Our physical chemistry was amazing and I kept telling him how much I looked forward to and wanted to have sex with him. I told him I wish we were able to do so now, but... It is his loss. I don't doubt he has been lying and seeing other people. Apparently he lied about being ok with getting tested. Boy, was I stupid to buy in to his garbage! It doesn't matter now. I ended things with him last night. He was just stringing me along and was I finally got fed up with it.

 

 

Quote:serenitynow

 

 

they either

 

A want to keep you around for an option

 

B are too immature to say not interested and would rather you take the hint so they dont have to dirty their hands

 

He chose B and I called him last night and left a voicemail after he spent a week being hot and cold and then outright ignoring me.

 

Work is going to be fun now!

Edited by EmeraldHeart
ADF Established Member

ADF

Posted
Posted

My thoughts are that you need to use better punctuation and more paragraphing. That post was VERY difficult to read.

 

That aside, I don't know what this guy's issue is. How old are you? I get the impression you are significantly younger than 42. If so, there is a very good chance the guy just wanted a quick hook up, and is now backing off because he knows he isn't going to get one. If that's the case, shame on him for not being up front with you.

 

On the other hand, it sounds like you hit the "no casual sex" button a little hard with this guy. Hearing a woman say REPEATEDLY that she's not into casual sex (whatever that means to her) might make a man think she's just not into sex with HIM, period. That would make just about any guy back off.

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EmeraldHeart Member

EmeraldHeart

Posted
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Posted (edited)
My thoughts are that you need to use better punctuation and more paragraphing. That post was VERY difficult to read.

 

That aside, I don't know what this guy's issue is. How old are you? I get the impression you are significantly younger than 42. If so, there is a very good chance the guy just wanted a quick hook up, and is now backing off because he knows he isn't going to get one. If that's the case, shame on him for not being up front with you.

 

On the other hand, it sounds like you hit the "no casual sex" button a little hard with this guy. Hearing a woman say REPEATEDLY that she's not into casual sex (whatever that means to her) might make a man think she's just not into sex with HIM, period. That would make just about any guy back off.

 

I don't believe I hit the no casual sex button hard. It just is what it is. I am very upfront and open with anyone new on where I stand on that because I want to weed out those that have only sex in mind. I am not significantly younger, I am 35.

 

He spoke about sex quite a bit, which is why I thought he would have gotten tested sooner than later. We talked about our preferences a lot and how amazing we thought sex was going to be especially since the physical relationship we did have was quite intense. Like I said before, maybe he thought I would just give in. I don't have sex before tested, even with condoms. It has served me very well over the years. I have never regretted a sexual partner/encounter and I am STD free. It isn't as though we didn't have a physical relationship...we didn't have sex. He knew once he got STD tested that sex was to come. NO STD TESTING = NO SEX (deal breaker) for me and that was stated when we first started talking about sex. I made no bones about being very sexually attracted to him and that I very much wanted to have sex once he was tested.

Edited by EmeraldHeart
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