Lucky318 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 This story is a little detailed so I'm gonna shorten it to the best of my ability haha I've had 3 serious boyfriends in my past and all of which have cheated one me which lead me to believe my trust issues with current boyfriend are somewhat rooted within the past There have been two instances that make it hard to trust my boyfriend. I should probably mention that No my boyfriend is not addicted to alcohol or anything of the sort but when he goes out, especially for big events, he tends to get completely wasted. When we first got together he really started to control himself and still got drunk and had a good time but just didn't get AS stupid. He only drinks occasionally. Well one night he went to a local bar back at school that everyone use to go to but since it's summer everyone is moved back home, including me, and he is living there the rest of the summer with a few friends. he went up to the bar and just randomly got black out drunk. He started texting this girl who ended up being an old friend from high school with the same name as this new bartender he was trying to hit on. he sent her flirty text messages like i wanna see you again and stuff and the last message was something like oh okay well enjoy your hottness or something completely stupid. He was so drunk he didnt even realize it was his friend from high school. the whole point of this story is that i was already jaded and now I reallly don't feel like i can trust him. He's moving to chicago in august and i will remain in missouri. is there anyway i can gain trust for him before he moves and how!?!?!? I really do love this guy as crazy as it seems. I just don't know how to trust considering I never really have.... please helppp
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Your people picker is broken. It's not that you can't trust men, it's just that the men that you pick to date can't be trusted.
Author Lucky318 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 lol but i don't even trust them even before they mess up... I just wanna know how/what it feels like to trust someone.
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 lol but i don't even trust them even before they mess up... I just wanna know how/what it feels like to trust someone. Sometimes it just takes a great leap of faith to see only the good in people and to allow yourself to just trust them completely...without fear of the past (other men) repeating itself...it's simply a matter of giving into your preconceived fear of trust... It's like jumping out of an airplane when you skydive for the first time...taking that leap of faith knowing that you'll have the ride of your life and that you'll be ok at the end...you will never know trust until you allow it for yourself... Also, go skydiving...it's fun...from what I hear...
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I just wanna know how/what it feels like to trust someone. Develop and nurture a close friendship with a *woman*. Trust and love and loyalty are incremental. One step at a time. I agree with the poster who suggested a re-aiming of your people-picker. I've found that advice to be some of the clearest and healthiest I've read and taken away from LS. Hope it works out
stace79 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 lol but i don't even trust them even before they mess up... I just wanna know how/what it feels like to trust someone. You need to learn to love yourself enough to know that even if this guy you love breaks up with you or cheats on you, that you'll be okay. You also need to realize that you can't control what anyone else does. All you can do is control how you react to it. What I will say about this particular situation is that this guy doesn't sound worthy of trust. I'd be seriously pissed if my bf was out sloppy, black-out drunk in a bar texting some girl who was not me. I'm in a LDR now, and let me tell you it is hard enough with a boyfriend you know you can trust. If I didn't trust my bf and he was doing things like yours, I'd be breaking it off real fast!
ADF Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 I don't think your previous boyfriends' cheating has much to do with this. It sounds like this new guy is doing his best to try and cheat on you now. No, you can't trust him, and you shouldn't. If he hasn't cheated on you already--and it is entirely possible he has--you can bet any amount of money he will be cheating once he gets to Chicago. I live in Chicago, and can tell you it would take a determined guy all of a few hours to find a willing woman.
Author Lucky318 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 oh man, that killed my all hope I had left. thank you all for being honest though... ADF: do you think it would be hard for a guy to remain faithful in a town like chicago, being 5 hours away from his girlfriend? i've never been up there, I wish I knew what to expect.
ADF Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 oh man, that killed my all hope I had left. thank you all for being honest though... ADF: do you think it would be hard for a guy to remain faithful in a town like chicago, being 5 hours away from his girlfriend? i've never been up there, I wish I knew what to expect. It wouldn't be that hard if he had any intention of remaining faithful. But this guy clearly doesn't. He is regularly drunk dialing women, looking for action. What I meant was Chicago is a HUGE city full of single people, bars, nightclubs, etc. If a person was determined to hook up with someone, there aren't that many better places to be.
Author Lucky318 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 ahh that just sucks. lol I'm just oblivious to the whole thing I suppose. He claims he's sorry and he will control his drinking and he truly is not interested in any other girl and he hasnt cheated or anything.... I don't know what to think. I obviously don't make the best decisions when it comes to guys I date.
ADF Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 ahh that just sucks. lol I'm just oblivious to the whole thing I suppose. He claims he's sorry and he will control his drinking and he truly is not interested in any other girl and he hasnt cheated or anything.... I don't know what to think. I obviously don't make the best decisions when it comes to guys I date. Well, about the drinking thing, it sounds to me like he has a much more serious problem than you realize. Maybe he doesn't drink that often. But when he does, he seems to get wildly drunk and out of control. Having black-outs means he is putting away serious amounts of booze, and he's drinking it FAST. That said, I am not altogether convinced his drunk dialing women is something he does in a boozey haze. My bet is he knows exactly what he is doing when he does it.
Author Lucky318 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 I wish I had the courage to just end and it move on but for some reason I wanna stay with him and feel completely ridiculous saying that after taking a step back and realizing how true everything you have said is... I don't know why I don't want to give up... I really don't know if I've ever felt so stupid haha
tassie83 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 You need to learn to love yourself enough to know that even if this guy you love breaks up with you or cheats on you, that you'll be okay. You also need to realize that you can't control what anyone else does. All you can do is control how you react to it. Well said.
stace79 Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Well said. I am still learning every day. It's so hard when you love someone, because you feel like if you lose him it will be the end of your world. But it isn't -- life will go on and the sun will still rise. Just gotta remind yourself of that! The best thing I ever did was end my engagement last year, because it forced me AND my ex to realize we could be happy as individuals, totally on our own. Only then were we able to add to or complement each other, and now we're working hard on our issues together as a team.
Author Lucky318 Posted June 4, 2010 Author Posted June 4, 2010 see thats the thing, I know I'll be fine without him, I'm not even worried about being alone. of course I'm still learning to love myself as well I feel like everyone has insecurities. I just don't wanna give up on him. it's really confusing =/
iMa_zOmbIe Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 Your people picker is broken. It's not that you can't trust men, it's just that the men that you pick to date can't be trusted. This is probably true.. I'm the same way..when I was searchin for couselors one told me the exact thing ur saying..
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