Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I hate to say this, but I think that texting is becoming a social pandering of egos like Facebook. People enjoy the idea that someone, somewhere is thinking about them enough to text them something, anything. God, yes. It's ridiculous. I was hanging out with a couple of friends today, and we took a lakefront walk. My friend was telling me about these goofy, flirty texts she is getting from this guy she knows, and started reading me every one of them from her phone. They were boring, and I was hoping we could move on from the subject soon. Then, as we're walking along the lake, and I'm trying to get away from the city noise for 5 minutes and enjoy some small sliver of nature, her phone keeps making loud, annoying electronic noises signaling she's gotten another text. So she keeps texting back and forth with this dude, reading us every single boring text, and I'm thinking "Seriously? Can we not put away the phone for half an hour and enjoy the walk?" THEN she answers a call from someone else and spends the rest of the walk talking on her cell phone. And she's texted at the dinner table many times, which I think is very lame. As for your guy's text silence, spookie, yeah, that would be a big problem for me. At the least, it's just inconsiderate.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 As for your guy's text silence, spookie, yeah, that would be a big problem for me. At the least, it's just inconsiderate. Unfortunately, my mind is starting to jump to those "he's just not that into you" conclusions. Which brings us to today. It's 1PM, and still no peep from BF. We have plans today for him to come over and help me put my furniture together. I got a whole bunch of s!ht from IKEA nearly a month ago and he promised he'd help. My mother is coming to visit less than 2 weeks from now so if he is planning to flake out on me, I would appreciate a head's up, so I can ask someone else for help. At this point, it does feel like he is planning on flaking out on me for today. I am tempted to make alternate plans so I don't have to spend the evening at home, festering in nger. What should I make the consequences, so he doesn't do it again?
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 Now he texts me that he wants to go to a street festival and do I want to come with. WTF? I want to text back, "what about my furniture?" Would that be btchy?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 What should I make the consequences, so he doesn't do it again? The problem is that if he's being this lame and unresponsive, consequences are probably only going to spark temporary improvement on his part. If I were in your place, I would seriously pull back. If the guy's not making much of an effort and is being unresponsive, I naturally lose interest. I wouldn't initiate any contact, and I'd probably pass up some invites from him, too. He thinks you'll always be there and he's taking you for granted.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Now he texts me that he wants to go to a street festival and do I want to come with. WTF? I want to text back, "what about my furniture?" Would that be btchy? I would say, "No, I'm putting my furniture together today." Maybe you should get a cute guy friend to come help you instead.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 I would say, "No, I'm putting my furniture together today." Maybe you should get a cute guy friend to come help you instead. Well, part of the problem is, I DO want to go to the street festival with him, much more than I want to put together my furniture. But I don't like how he is not even attempting keep his promises. I don't like how he doesn't think twice about changing his plans on me at the last minute. I am considering inviting someone else to help me put together the furniture. That will piss him off but at this rate if I keep waiting for him to do it, I'm not going to have any furniture by the time of my mom's arrival in a week.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 The problem is that if he's being this lame and unresponsive, consequences are probably only going to spark temporary improvement on his part. If I were in your place, I would seriously pull back. If the guy's not making much of an effort and is being unresponsive, I naturally lose interest. I wouldn't initiate any contact, and I'd probably pass up some invites from him, too. He thinks you'll always be there and he's taking you for granted. *Sigh* I was just getting to that point emotionally where I was starting to trust him. The thing is, he does make effort. And despite the crap communication, we do still end up spending 3-4 days a week together. It's just the last-minute plan changes and flakiness that piss me off.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 So, Ruby, I followed your advice and texted, "No I am putting my furniture together today." He responded, "Want me to help you put it together tomorrow?" I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to that. At this point I am just checked out. I don't want any drama; nor do I want to see him. I made my own plans to go to the festivals with some friends.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Women never call or text a man. Women never initiate contact with their SO's period. That's interesting. Can you inform my phone company of this? You could save me a lot of money from all the times I'm "not" calling him. Good for you spookie, I can't see how he would think your interest in him will stay the same when he's so flakey and unreliable.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 Does anyone think I am being dramatic here? A btcih for not answering HIS last text? I question myself because other than this issue he has been a REALLY great boyfriend. I don't want to fight over nothing.
Citizen Erased Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Just message him back and say no thanks, you're getting it done today. I didn't notice if anyone had asked this but have you brought it up with him? This kind of stuff eats away at you and could kill something with a guy that is otherwise good for you.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Does anyone think I am being dramatic here? A btcih for not answering HIS last text? I question myself because other than this issue he has been a REALLY great boyfriend. I don't want to fight over nothing. I think you did the right thing. You have to stop bending and contorting yourself to fit his flakiness and inability to make a plan and stick to it. He will take advantage of this to the greatest extent possible, and just keep pushing it. The best way to communicate to him that his flakiness and lack of responsiveness is a major turnoff to you is not to reward it or let it slide. If you stop accommodating his last-minute changes, he will figure out that they won't fly with you and stop doing it. And good for you for making your own plans. I suggest you keep doing that. Do not make your life and social plans revolve around him. Believe me, if he knows you have other priorities, and ESPECIALLY if you do not jump to bite his every invitation to spend time with him, this situation will improve dramatically. Right now, he knows he's got you where he wants you, he's got control over you, and he doesn't have to be responsive and reliable. And he will exploit his power in the situation as long as you let him.
Els Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Spookie, I don't understand why you are pulling back without even talking about it ONCE with him. AFAIK you have never mentioned anything to this guy about you being less than perfectly happy with his actions, correct? Give the man a chance and tell him something's wrong, gosh!
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 *Sigh* I was just getting to that point emotionally where I was starting to trust him. The thing is, he does make effort. And despite the crap communication, we do still end up spending 3-4 days a week together. It's just the last-minute plan changes and flakiness that piss me off. He's probably a busy man with a hectic schedule but you'll never know the reason without some sort of discussion.
Recommended Posts