spookie Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 My R is 6 months old, argument-free and generally all-around blissful... However... This kind of pisses me off. BF is one of those guys who is always fcvkign around on his phone. If I leave him alone for 2 minutes, he gets online and starts checking the news. His phone vibrates each time he gets a text, an email, an FB request... and he'll check it out immediately. Yet it will take him hours to respond to my texts, and when I call, more often than not, he doesn't pick up. I feel hypocritical bringing this up, as, unlike him, I often leave my phone at home when I go out. I don't like being on everyone's leash at all times, so I'm pretty hard to get ahold of, myself. However, if I see a text or missed call from him, I get back to him immediately. He's really good about seeing me regularly, and staying in contact, but still, knowing I'm being ignored at times is pretty annoying. As a result of this habit of his, I've developed an extremely laisse faire attitude to contact, which appears to suit him just fine... but I wish I could call him or text him whenever I wanted to, without dreading that silence.... Thoughts?
Crazy Magnet Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Have you talked to him about this? I would start there. My boyfriend is the opposite. He NEVER texts or checks his phone. At first it freaked me out when I wanted to text him or call him, so I never would. I too became very lax about contacting him and I always made him contact me first. Then I decided that was crazy of me, so I talked to him about it and asked if it was ok for me to contact him. He said "of course!" so now there is no phone weirdness.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Media gadget addiction is on the rise. I think it's a huge turn-off when people are tied to their devices, too. It decreases their attention span and makes them less interesting conversationalists. Checking cell phones and devices at the dinner table, EVER, is extremely tacky and low-class, IMO. I also think it's rude -- it suggests to your company that they're not interesting enough to hold your attention. I don't have a suggestion for you, though. If everything else is great, this will probably come across as nitpicking.
Green Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I hate txting. I told my gf not to txt unless it is an emergency. I often have my ringer off so I usualy end up calling people back including my gf.
TaurusTerp Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Sometimes you just need a break from human contact....expecting immediate replies is just too overbearing for some people. I ended up feeling smothered with my ex-girlfriend and ended up breaking up with her largely because she needed constant communication and I liked to be alone once in awhile.
lab_brat Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 talk to him about it.... he might not realise it upsets you. i read this feeling a little guilty, because, though i check my phone regularly, im terrible at texting back within a decent timespan - ill see a text, read it, then leave it for a minute to think about it, and suddenly its been 48hours and i still havent replied. So, yeah, talk to him Also, what kind of texts are they? i tend to not respond to pointless texts, ones that dont even ask a question, or to people who i know will try to keep a text conversation going for no real point? I'm not sayint its you, just that, y'know, if someone is busy they might not see the text as a priority.
Serenitynow Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 This kind of pisses me off. Awww a women after my own heart. I despise people that cant put their phone down. ESPECIALLY if its someone I'm dating
brainygirl Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I once broke up with a guy who seemed way more into his iphone than me. I'm with the people who say to talk to him about it, he may not realize how much he's doing it. And I have to admit to being a person who CANNOT ignore a ringing phone or text or email. If I know its there I have to answer. So I turn my phone to silent when I go out and just check once or twice to make sure no one (like the sitter) has called with an actual emergency. (I realized I had a problem when I found myself stopping sex to answer my phone in the other room - I had some serious apologizing to do).
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 when I call, more often than not, he doesn't pick up. Assuming you're not calling every ten minutes, this would be something which would bug me. I never did that to my wife or close friends unless I had my head under the welding hood or was out on the tractor or something and literally didn't hear the phone, and I kinda hate phones. Texting, OTOH, meh.... different strokes. Not mine. My vote is face to face talk about communication styles....
norajane Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 BF is one of those guys who is always fcvkign around on his phone. If I leave him alone for 2 minutes, he gets online and starts checking the news. This would irritate me. It says he can't go a minute without electronic stimulation, and that he can't pay attention to you when he has you there in person. Paying attention to your gf should be more important than whatever else he's tracking online, and just because you get up to go to the bathroom or refill drinks doesn't mean he should check out. His phone vibrates each time he gets a text, an email, an FB request... and he'll check it out immediately. Yet it will take him hours to respond to my texts, and when I call, more often than not, he doesn't pick up. And this would really piss me off. If he's right on top of his phone all the time, then he's saying 'yeah, got your message or saw you called, but I can't be bothered to respond to YOU'.
Els Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If it had been one way or another - as in, he's always on his phone AND he answers you quickly... or he's seldom on his phone and he takes a while to answer you, it would not be bothersome. However, the fact that he's always on and yet doesn't answer you quickly is... weird, to say the least. It is that disparity that you should bring up with him, not just 'you don't answer me quickly enough' or 'you're always on the phone'.
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Regarding the 'talk', rather than complain about what he *does*, tell him how it makes you feel ('I feel like I don't matter, etc') and tell him what you *want*. If he can't bend a little on something as basic as this, lose his azz
Serenitynow Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I realized I had a problem when I found myself stopping sex to answer my phone That is just, i have no idea what to say, just unbelievable that someone would do that.
brainygirl Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 That is just, i have no idea what to say, just unbelievable that someone would do that. In my defense, the phone was loud, out in the livingroom of a small apartment. There was a little kid asleep in the next room. I was afraid the phone would wake up the kiddo and then we'd really be inturrupted. And I did realize I had a bad habit and put a plan in place to change it.
Serenitynow Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I always make it a habit to silence my phone when with a girl. ESPECIALLY if theres a chance for nookie. Thats gotta be the biggest c0ck block in the world, a ringing phone
jack5100nv Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Yet it will take him hours to respond to my texts, and when I call, more often than not, he doesn't pick up. Thoughts? You are not his priority. He is really not that into you
Morals Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Media gadget addiction is on the rise. I think it's a huge turn-off when people are tied to their devices, too. It decreases their attention span and makes them less interesting conversationalists. Checking cell phones and devices at the dinner table, EVER, is extremely tacky and low-class, IMO. I also think it's rude -- it suggests to your company that they're not interesting enough to hold your attention. I don't have a suggestion for you, though. If everything else is great, this will probably come across as nitpicking. Surprisingly I agree with Ruby on this. I'm going to go further on this and talk a little about mind games related to this media addiction. I have a friend whom has an iphone and I know she has it on her at all times. She can't live without it, and neither can I! However, there are times she doesn't respond back soon, sometimes taking a day to respond. I don't begrudge her for it, but sometimes my texts to her are time sensitive. I just went to a movie with her this evening, and noticed that she would check her phone occasionally during the movie. She didn't respond to the texts from what I noticed, but she read them. This leads me to believe she has halfway decency to knowing when to use her smart phone. She knows that texting in the middle of engaging with someone else is rude, but she checks it anyways. I hate to say this, but I think that texting is becoming a social pandering of egos like Facebook. People enjoy the idea that someone, somewhere is thinking about them enough to text them something, anything. But they don't want to respond too often or they will either A)seem needy..or B)set an unprecedented amount of responsiveness to texts. I can understand wanting to keep privacy on certain things, or just not feeling like talking. But to me, the idea of a cell phone is the fact that it its THERE in front of you ALL the time. There's really no reason it should take people an entire day to respond to you sometimes.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 This is an clear example of what I've been researching and writing on. I would describe this a "socio-technological-illiteracy". I make a case that all of this gadgetry is here to stay and is not like a hoola hoop. We need to formalize a new socio-technological-literacy and reform education to include social development in light of the digital revolution. It's not a fad--it's a real, historical and cultural phenomenon which is permanent and will only penetrate more deeply.
Author spookie Posted June 5, 2010 Author Posted June 5, 2010 Yes, it is the disparity that bothers me, not so much the need for constant stimulation. While I don't have the same desire to be always plugged in, getting bent out of shape about that is nit-picky imo. It would be an exhaggeration to say that this makes me feel like I don't matter, and I don't want to make a moutain out of a molehill. Feeling extremely insecure was my emotional reaction to the silence when we first started dating, but since he's so consistent, if not prompt, I'm not insecure about it anymore. It's an annoyance more than anything. I know that he sees my texts. Why can't he just freaking answer them? (For what it's worth, even tho he checks his phone constanlty, many of his friends have complained to me that he ignores them as well, so I know it's not personal I guess I'm just wondering whether to have a talk with him about this, or if this is one of those battles I shouldn't pick, especially given my own flakiness with regard to electronic communication. Yesterday, feeling satisfied after having spent the night with him, I was leaning toward 'this is not a big deal'. However, it's Friday night, I haven't heard from him today, and I miss him. Right now, I am wishing I could give him a call and hear his voice, so I don't feel cingly after doing so and getting his VM.
norajane Posted June 5, 2010 Posted June 5, 2010 However, it's Friday night, I haven't heard from him today, and I miss him. Right now, I am wishing I could give him a call and hear his voice, so I don't feel cingly after doing so and getting his VM. Then this is what you need to talk to him about. Focus on this part - needing him to answer the phone when you call. How about something like, "Dude, I need you to answer your phone when I call. I give you bj's when you need them - I don't make you wait a couple of days for it. I don't call often, so when I do, I need you to get it that it's because I want to talk to you, not your vm. Can you do that for me?" And whenever he does answer the phone, praise him for it. "I'm so happy to hear your voice!" or end the call with "it was great to talk to you". Whatever, just to make sure he knows you appreciate it. You know, train him.
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 So, in a week, this issue popped up twice. Wednesday night I was out for the Blackhawk's game, while he was in another state on business. I drunk-texted him repeatedly in my excitement; he never texted back. I saw him at our weekly volleyball game the next day, and niether of us made any mention of the ignored texts (which made me MAD the night before). He was being very affectionate and everything appeared to be fine. This morning, he said he'd give me a call tonight. He said he probably didn't want to go out, but alluded to my coming over. I love nights in and would have liked to do that. Well, then he never called. I've been in a lazy mood, so it's not like I didn't go out cause I was WAITING for him, but still... it's pretty annoying to be have your phone in the back of your mind all day. Eventually I thought, why don't *I* text *him*, so I did: "Hey, what are you up to?" 40 minutes later: "Just cleaning my apt" I text back: "Wish you were here playing with me" An hour later, no response. I'm not expecting him to drop everything and rush over, but ... would you be pissed? Cause I kind of am. It's not so much that I'm so clindy I need to spend every weekend with him, but if he says he's going to call, I want him to call. And if he gets a text from me, I want him to text back.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Thoughts? Yeah. Your profile says you're male. But that picture says otherwise. As for the rest, I ID with your feelings. It's not necessarily intentionally rude but its rude in effect.
Confusedalways Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I really don't know-- I'm one of those people who has a phone on them all the time so I'm always really confused when people don't respond within at least a couple of hours. I mean, I get ignoring me if I'm just boredom texting them with useless, random crap. But you kind of put yourself out there, and shouldn't his phone be near him since he JUST texted you? I would probably be frustrated. A few days ago I called a friend and she JUST called me back tonight. I don't understand it. Texting someone takes about 10 seconds, and isn't it kind of courteous to do so in a timely fashion, whether they're your friend/SO/sibling/ whatever?
Author spookie Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 I really don't know-- I'm one of those people who has a phone on them all the time so I'm always really confused when people don't respond within at least a couple of hours. I mean, I get ignoring me if I'm just boredom texting them with useless, random crap. But you kind of put yourself out there, and shouldn't his phone be near him since he JUST texted you? I would probably be frustrated. A few days ago I called a friend and she JUST called me back tonight. I don't understand it. Texting someone takes about 10 seconds, and isn't it kind of courteous to do so in a timely fashion, whether they're your friend/SO/sibling/ whatever? Exactly. I put myself out there, and he didn't even send me a text to reject me. He just left me hanging! To add insult to injury, he IS one of those people who has his phone on him at all times. I would totally understand if he just wanted space tonight. But is it really that hard to let me know that?
Confusedalways Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Exactly. I put myself out there, and he didn't even send me a text to reject me. He just left me hanging! To add insult to injury, he IS one of those people who has his phone on him at all times. I would totally understand if he just wanted space tonight. But is it really that hard to let me know that? It really is one of my biggest problems when people say they will call and/or text and don't. And like you said-- even if his mood changed and he wanted to stay in, I do feel like he should have kept you in the loop on that. Yeah... that's pretty annoying. It's not like you said "I want ice cream" or something. You gave him an in and he ignored it. Not nice.
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