daphne Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I have a bitter memory of an ex that once told me when we were breaking up so he could move to Puerto Rico, of all places, to make the next guy earn it. I guess I didn't make that one earn it or he wouldn't have been advising me on how to better keep a guy around. lol Fast forward to today, where I make men jump through hoops to get to me. I make them wait longer than is reasonable. I am not terribly consistent or that "good girl" that got me mistreated before. Not that I'm super inconsistent. I just don't try as hard to be good anymore. If a situation doesn't seem like it offers what I'm looking for, I don't bend myself to it. I move on. And then a friend of mine who is a fairly old school Jamaican guy told me after my last failed attempt at romance "Make them flaming hoops next time." I told him I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He said "Do less of that. If he's crazy about you he'll prove himself." His logic is that no one makes a guy prove himself anymore, and the relationships go nowhere. I see my good friend go through this over and over again. Granted, she doesn't even attempt to weed them out in a desperate act to get a boyfriend. But my Jamaican friend is right. If a guy leaves too soon because things are too much work, he'll surely leave later when there's a hint of a problem. Do I want to bust a guys balls unnecessarily? Not really. But do I want to go through relationship after relationship waiting for a guy to show his true colors? I'd rather just find out from the beginning.
MrNate Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 sooo...is there a question here? or is this just venting?
Author daphne Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Venting. Wondering how long it'll take before i get it right.
MrNate Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Venting. Wondering how long it'll take before i get it right. Who knows? But at least you're trying. Just keep on throwing the mud until it sticks.
SomewhatExperienced Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Well, there is one problem. I think I can speak for a lot of guys, maybe not all, that I am accustomed to girls who will string things along, make us work, and still flake out at the end. Me personally, I'll show interest in a girl and if there's no reciprocation I'll move on. Why should I bust my balls to get a girl when past experience shows it'll probably going nowhere anyway? I'd say it's better to open yourself, but just take small risks and let things progress naturally. When you play games you'll sometimes lose too.
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Me personally, I'll show interest in a girl and if there's no reciprocation I'll move on. Roger and out. There's no magic in a vagina. Hope the OP finds that extra special super duper guy she's looking for.
Author daphne Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 There's always some reciprocation. But there needs to be a way to seperate the wheat from the chaffe. You don't want to waste your time and emotion on someone who's not in it with the right intentions. And let's be honest, most of you aren't.
sagetalk Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 There's always some reciprocation. But there needs to be a way to seperate the wheat from the chaffe. You don't want to waste your time and emotion on someone who's not in it with the right intentions. And let's be honest, most of you aren't. Instead of blaming men, maybe blaming the man picker is the wiser choice. Is it that most men have the wrong intentions, or is that most men you are attracted to have the wrong intentions?
Author daphne Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Plausible suggestion. But it's still most men. Men will say just about anything when they are physically attracted.
xRJ85x Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Sooooo how tough of flaming hoops are we talking here? I hope it doesn't mean pulling the guy under so you can keep walking on him until you one day decide "Hmmm that seems like enough proof." Just because your ex is a douchebag doesn't mean your should blame it on all men. That's just immature. In fact, I can tell you that any mature guy would sense it and think "Screw this chick, she's conceited and arrogant." I've gotten screwed over by plenty of girls, and even though I tell friends "Screw women, they all suck, I'm just gonna treat them horribly like they did me!" Im not actually gonna do that. Just because you ran into some immature people doesn't mean you won't find some mature ones. And if you do, but have this opinion that all men are the same, then you're just gonna miss out on them. I hate the thought that some girl that screwed me over did it because some other douchebag screwed them over and warped their mind.
xRJ85x Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Plausible suggestion. But it's still most men. Men will say just about anything when they are physically attracted. You have some scientific proof of this, yes? Most would imply, what, roughly 3/4's of the male population? Have you dated 3/4's of the male population?
Pfiend101 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Plausible suggestion. But it's still most men. Men will say just about anything when they are physically attracted. Don't pay attention to someones words. The world if full of liars. It is their actions that speak the truth.
carhill Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I beg to differ...my vagina is very magical. I'm very happenis for you Seriously, I've run into my share of 'make him earn it' women in my lifetime and they generally fulfill their destiny which doesn't include this sincere and loving man. One path of many
Cracker Jack Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Plausible suggestion. But it's still most men. Men will say just about anything when they are physically attracted. Yeah, if they're crappy men in general. That's just how it is sometimes. And I'm also curious as to how the guy is supposed to "earn it" for you?
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If a guy leaves too soon because things are too much work, he'll surely leave later when there's a hint of a problem. Do I want to bust a guys balls unnecessarily? Not really. But do I want to go through relationship after relationship waiting for a guy to show his true colors? I'd rather just find out from the beginning. i really love this! i wish i had thought this way my whole life. once my heart heals and i am ready to date again i am taking your advice! i am tired of being fooled too. i do believe there is someone out there for all of us, i'm sure in time you will find a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to win your heart!
xRJ85x Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 i really love this! i wish i had thought this way my whole life. once my heart heals and i am ready to date again i am taking your advice! i am tired of being fooled too. i do believe there is someone out there for all of us, i'm sure in time you will find a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to win your heart! Have fun with your 40 year old virgin!
xRJ85x Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I beg to differ...my vagina is very magical. .....Sup?
Dragon1 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If "earn" means throw out the men who behave like losers quickly so you can go on to the next man, you will end up with a good man. If "earn" means the whole game playing thing, the good men will run and you will be lucky to find anyone.
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Have fun with your 40 year old virgin! wow thanks. lmao. all i know is i am way too giving and trusting when i like someone. it ends up with a fake show of emotions from a man, then as the relationship progresses the REAL man comes out. not the same person at all. if i take things slower and don't make myself so open i have a better chance of finding out who the man is before i dive into a relationship. and i would gladly take a 40 yr old virgin if he was honest, genuine, caring, and giving. all i want is someone to love me back the same way i love them. i'm glad you feel the need to jump down strangers throats, very attractive
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If "earn" means throw out the men who behave like losers quickly so you can go on to the next man, you will end up with a good man. this is exactly what i mean and i'm pretty sure what the OP means too
Dragon1 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 wow thanks. lmao. all i know is i am way too giving and trusting when i like someone. it ends up with a fake show of emotions from a man, then as the relationship progresses the REAL man comes out. not the same person at all. if i take things slower and don't make myself so open i have a better chance of finding out who the man is before i dive into a relationship. and i would gladly take a 40 yr old virgin if he was honest, genuine, caring, and giving. all i want is someone to love me back the same way i love them. i'm glad you feel the need to jump down strangers throats, very attractive This is superb. This usually weeds out the bad guys, but gives the good guys a chance. If only more women did this.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Fast forward to today, where I make men jump through hoops to get to me. I make them wait longer than is reasonable. I am not terribly consistent or that "good girl" that got me mistreated before. ... And then a friend of mine who is a fairly old school Jamaican guy told me after my last failed attempt at romance "Make them flaming hoops next time." I told him I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He said "Do less of that. If he's crazy about you he'll prove himself." His logic is that no one makes a guy prove himself anymore, and the relationships go nowhere. I see my good friend go through this over and over again. Granted, she doesn't even attempt to weed them out in a desperate act to get a boyfriend. But my Jamaican friend is right. If a guy leaves too soon because things are too much work, he'll surely leave later when there's a hint of a problem. Do I want to bust a guys balls unnecessarily? Not really. But do I want to go through relationship after relationship waiting for a guy to show his true colors? I'd rather just find out from the beginning. If you play the game, you'll get what you deserve. Only desperate men will tolerate women who mistreat them and play games. Behaving this way will almost certainly turn off the type of men you really want.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If "earn" means throw out the men who behave like losers quickly so you can go on to the next man, you will end up with a good man. If "earn" means the whole game playing thing, the good men will run and you will be lucky to find anyone. I think that the OP means that she wants to play games, not simply discard the losers.
threebyfate Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 daphne, what worked for me is to be myself, which includes both good and bad behaviours. If someone can't appreciate me "as is", oh well, the right man will and most definitely, my most compatible husband did! Historically, you tried to be someone good. Now you're trying to be someone bad and are considering even worse. In all cases, you're not being true to yourself or to the men you're getting involved with.
xRJ85x Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 wow thanks. lmao. all i know is i am way too giving and trusting when i like someone. it ends up with a fake show of emotions from a man, then as the relationship progresses the REAL man comes out. not the same person at all. if i take things slower and don't make myself so open i have a better chance of finding out who the man is before i dive into a relationship. and i would gladly take a 40 yr old virgin if he was honest, genuine, caring, and giving. all i want is someone to love me back the same way i love them. i'm glad you feel the need to jump down strangers throats, very attractive We'll yea, if you were being too giving that's exactly what's gonna turn a guy off, or worse, show some jerkoff that he can easily take advantage of you. It works both ways. The whole "girls aren't attracted to guys who are too nice" thing? That's what you'd be doing if you were too giving. You're agreeing with the OP's post simply because you're both girls who have been walked on by immature guys. However, your post above doesn't take it quite as far as the OP said. You want to progress at a reasonable pace. If you were too giving, you tried to force things along, which you can't. The beginning of a relationship is about having fun in getting to know that person. But my point to the OP is that you shouldn't play that bull**** hard-to-get game. That turns off a guy just as much, at least the mature ones. And believe me, you would never go for a 40 year old virgin. Know why? Because the "too giving, overly nice guy" routine is what made him that in the first place. Now, if you're attracted to that level of constant attention and pampering, then sure, you'll love him. But only controlling, bitchy girls go for that because they know they can get that out of them without having to give anything back. And you sound the exact opposite of that. I feel the need to jump down a stranger's throat if they're a girl who's in risk of falling into the "all men suck because I had bad luck with past men" mindset. The more girls (and guys as I explained about myself) stay away from that, the better off the world will be.
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