soconfused12 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ok so im very new to this but i just dont have anyone to talk to about it and its finally starting to affect me emotionally. so here it goes ive worked with my boss ( he is not my direct boss his is the asst.) for almost 2 years now. when he first starting working there he was always flirting with me but in a very fun way not were i felt uncomftorble. at that time i was in a realationship and it was just somthing fun to make the days go by. I have since ended my relationship with my ex(not for the MM but cause it was coming to a end for a long time) and the flirting continued he is married and we both have kids the same age. once i was single i was a little more open to the flirtation then i originally was... and he did not hold back as much. i have always know he was married and that he was obviously not happy in his relationship. it started with us hanging out once in a while after work. there was extreme sexual tension for a very long time. until about 9 months ago when it became very open that we wanted to have a strickly physical "relationship" and so we did with it known that it was only that.... sex. unfortunatly its the best sex ive had in my life and the passion is unreal... it does not affect our work at all and we fuction fine while working continuing our flirtation as always... im very good at keeping my feeling separated and i am not blind to the fact that he is not planning on leaving his wife... ive always known that. but recently its become somthing that is happening more offen then it was before and i find myself wanting to see him outside of work as much as possible. he calls me to talk and tells me he cant wait to the next time we can be together which last week was 4 time which is a bit exsessive for me because this is suppose to be a once and a while thing. i need advice on what to do here.... i know the logical thing is to end it but how? i have to see him every day at work i have a very good job with lots of room to move up ( again he is not my direct boss) and again the sex is amazing and i dont really have the time to find someone else or maybe the real problem is i dont want to. ive tryed to date during these 9 months and ive met some wonderful men BUT i never go out with them again and i feel like im cutting myself short for somthing that will never be anything more than sex. THen on the other hand he has talked about the "d" word with his wife... as for he thinks she is doing the same thing to him. Please any advice will help i never in my life though i would be the OW and im not sure how i let that happen.... i wouldnt want to be in his wifes shoes
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If you wouldn't want to be in her shoes, don't continue to walk in the mess.
jthorne Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 It's simple. If you don't want to be the OW, then don't. Tell him you need to have business contact only. Period. And don't kid yourself. If the affair is found out in the workplace, it'll be you that takes the blame and is seen as a tramp and a homewrecker. Don't think for a second that he wouldn't throw you under the bus to save his rear end. Is the great sex worth your career?
Author soconfused12 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 a very small part of me wants to tell him its got to stop... but then the other part of me really like when were together/ plus im afraid of what my work life will turn into then. and yes i agree that i would be the homewrecker if it ever came out ... but we were good friends before anything and i dont think he would throw me under the bus its not the type of person he is.... tho i guess his character doesnt look all that great right now... i think we are equally swcrewed up.. and the sex is that great if it wasnt this would be MUCH MUCh simpliar and prob would of stoped months ago!!
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 a very small part of me wants to tell him its got to stop... but then the other part of me really like when were together/ plus im afraid of what my work life will turn into then. and yes i agree that i would be the homewrecker if it ever came out ... but we were good friends before anything and i dont think he would throw me under the bus its not the type of person he is.... tho i guess his character doesnt look all that great right now... i think we are equally swcrewed up.. and the sex is that great if it wasnt this would be MUCH MUCh simpliar and prob would of stoped months ago!! Sex vs. Self respect hmmmmm. Seems like something I would have trouble deciding too.
fooled once Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ok so im very new to this but i just dont have anyone to talk to about it and its finally starting to affect me emotionally. so here it goes ive worked with my boss ( he is not my direct boss his is the asst.) for almost 2 years now. when he first starting working there he was always flirting with me but in a very fun way not were i felt uncomftorble. at that time i was in a realationship and it was just somthing fun to make the days go by. I have since ended my relationship with my ex(not for the MM but cause it was coming to a end for a long time) and the flirting continued he is married and we both have kids the same age. once i was single i was a little more open to the flirtation then i originally was... and he did not hold back as much. i have always know he was married and that he was obviously not happy in his relationship. it started with us hanging out once in a while after work. there was extreme sexual tension for a very long time. until about 9 months ago when it became very open that we wanted to have a strickly physical "relationship" and so we did with it known that it was only that.... sex. unfortunatly its the best sex ive had in my life and the passion is unreal... it does not affect our work at all and we fuction fine while working continuing our flirtation as always... im very good at keeping my feeling separated and i am not blind to the fact that he is not planning on leaving his wife... ive always known that. but recently its become somthing that is happening more offen then it was before and i find myself wanting to see him outside of work as much as possible. he calls me to talk and tells me he cant wait to the next time we can be together which last week was 4 time which is a bit exsessive for me because this is suppose to be a once and a while thing. i need advice on what to do here.... i know the logical thing is to end it but how? i have to see him every day at work i have a very good job with lots of room to move up ( again he is not my direct boss) and again the sex is amazing and i dont really have the time to find someone else or maybe the real problem is i dont want to. ive tryed to date during these 9 months and ive met some wonderful men BUT i never go out with them again and i feel like im cutting myself short for somthing that will never be anything more than sex. THen on the other hand he has talked about the "d" word with his wife... as for he thinks she is doing the same thing to him. Please any advice will help i never in my life though i would be the OW and im not sure how i let that happen.... i wouldnt want to be in his wifes shoes So he only brings up divorce (SUPPOSEDLY) because his wife is possibly boinking someone else? It bothers him that his wife is supposedly doing what he is doing? What's the matter -- doesn't like it when someone cheats on him??? It is interesting to me because almost all OW say the sex with the MM is the "best sex ever" which makes me believe even more that it is the 'excitement' and thrill of being in a secret affair which is what makes the sex so good. I know from my experience - the sex wasn't that good. Then again, for the first year of my affair, he wasn't living with his wife so maybe because it wasn't 'secret' it wasn't as thrilling LOL You know the best thing is to end it. You have developed feelings for him and you do know deep down, he isn't leaving his wife. He is going to tell you that to keep you hooked, because he knows you are way into him. But, you will probably stay and the affair WILL come to light - to his wife and to the office (because she may very well call the HR department and let them know ) ... so is your job worth it? Is having this affair more important than your job? How old are your kids? Do they know you are doing a married man?
jthorne Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Sex vs. Self respect hmmmmm. Seems like something I would have trouble deciding too. Right. It's not like there aren't plenty of single men out there to have hot monkey sex with. The thing about single men though, they don't wipe themselves off and go home to the wife.
Author soconfused12 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 So he only brings up divorce (SUPPOSEDLY) because his wife is possibly boinking someone else? It bothers him that his wife is supposedly doing what he is doing? What's the matter -- doesn't like it when someone cheats on him??? It is interesting to me because almost all OW say the sex with the MM is the "best sex ever" which makes me believe even more that it is the 'excitement' and thrill of being in a secret affair which is what makes the sex so good. I know from my experience - the sex wasn't that good. Then again, for the first year of my affair, he wasn't living with his wife so maybe because it wasn't 'secret' it wasn't as thrilling LOL You know the best thing is to end it. You have developed feelings for him and you do know deep down, he isn't leaving his wife. He is going to tell you that to keep you hooked, because he knows you are way into him. But, you will probably stay and the affair WILL come to light - to his wife and to the office (because she may very well call the HR department and let them know ) ... so is your job worth it? Is having this affair more important than your job? How old are your kids? Do they know you are doing a married man? i know he isnt leaving his wife i never thought he was and i was content with that i liked not having to answer to someone and to be free to do what i want ... and when i wanted some affection i got it from him ... he just recently said the divorce thing cause things at his house i guess arnt good but i dont ask i only know what he tells me willingly. and im assuming it would be both of our jobs him being the boss aqnd me the employee... and no i guess its really not worth it i need my job but that doesnt change what my personal life wants... i know it sounds crazy the more i type and try to justify it i know its wrong i always have but it hasnt stopped me yet.... dont know where to get the strength now!! and our kids are both almost 3 and of course they dont they are very young ... i would really like to meet a unattached guy that makes me feel the way he does ...
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 As long as you justify, there is no reason for you to care about his wife, child or family. It is all about you and how "he" makes you feel. I wonder how his actions will make his wife feel when she finds out. I would wager her world will be turned upside down and she will have you to thank for helping him do that to her and by extension her child. How would you feel if someone helped tear your life and your child's life apart?
greengoddess Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 things "recently" aren't good at his house because his wife is noticing the changes. She is probably questioning where he is all the time. She probably suspects something and it is causing a lot of tension since I'm sure he is guilty too. LOL I bet he tells you he does everything around the house too including everything for the kids when in actuality he is doing less and less and spending less time with the kids while he is with you, MM are very predictable.
Author soconfused12 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 As long as you justify, there is no reason for you to care about his wife, child or family. It is all about you and how "he" makes you feel. I wonder how his actions will make his wife feel when she finds out. I would wager her world will be turned upside down and she will have you to thank for helping him do that to her and by extension her child. How would you feel if someone helped tear your life and your child's life apart? my relationship is gone with my childs father and for pretty much the same sistuation so i know what her world will feel like i know that pain and i dont feel good about it... like i said i dont know how i let myself get here but my childs life is better with us separated then unhappily together fortunatly we wernt married so i just moved out... and it hurt but at the end of the day it opened my eyes that what we had wasnt as strong as i had thought. and from what im hearing she is doing the same thing so who in that situation gets hurt? whoever find out for sure first?? im just the OW i have no commitment to him or anyone but i have enabled the sistuation to continue because i think i have feelings for him and thats the problem!
jthorne Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 my relationship is gone with my childs father and for pretty much the same sistuation so i know what her world will feel like i know that pain and i dont feel good about it... like i said i dont know how i let myself get here but my childs life is better with us separated then unhappily together fortunatly we wernt married so i just moved out... and it hurt but at the end of the day it opened my eyes that what we had wasnt as strong as i had thought. and from what im hearing she is doing the same thing so who in that situation gets hurt? whoever find out for sure first?? im just the OW i have no commitment to him or anyone but i have enabled the sistuation to continue because i think i have feelings for him and thats the problem!Yeah, I guess it's all about you and how you feel isn't it? You are not his wife, you don't know what goes on in their household, you only know what HE wants you to know. Say whatever you want to justify your affair. In the end, you will be the one that gets hurt.
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 my relationship is gone with my childs father and for pretty much the same sistuation so i know what her world will feel like i know that pain and i dont feel good about it... like i said i dont know how i let myself get here but my childs life is better with us separated then unhappily together fortunatly we wernt married so i just moved out... and it hurt but at the end of the day it opened my eyes that what we had wasnt as strong as i had thought. and from what im hearing she is doing the same thing so who in that situation gets hurt? whoever find out for sure first?? im just the OW i have no commitment to him or anyone but i have enabled the sistuation to continue because i think i have feelings for him and thats the problem! Who said anything about staying married. If the situation wasn't good you did the right thing leaving. Now, ask yourself why isn't he? What you are hearing is just that hearsay, but what you are doing you know is "wrong" and no emotion makes that okay to hurt another family. Read Jthorn's tag line.
silverplanets Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ok so im very new to this but i just dont have anyone to talk to about it and its finally starting to affect me emotionally. so here it goes ive worked with my boss ( he is not my direct boss his is the asst.) for almost 2 years now. when he first starting working there he was always flirting with me but in a very fun way not were i felt uncomftorble. at that time i was in a realationship and it was just somthing fun to make the days go by. I have since ended my relationship with my ex(not for the MM but cause it was coming to a end for a long time) and the flirting continued he is married and we both have kids the same age. once i was single i was a little more open to the flirtation then i originally was... and he did not hold back as much. i have always know he was married and that he was obviously not happy in his relationship. it started with us hanging out once in a while after work. there was extreme sexual tension for a very long time. until about 9 months ago when it became very open that we wanted to have a strickly physical "relationship" and so we did with it known that it was only that.... sex. unfortunatly its the best sex ive had in my life and the passion is unreal... it does not affect our work at all and we fuction fine while working continuing our flirtation as always... im very good at keeping my feeling separated and i am not blind to the fact that he is not planning on leaving his wife... ive always known that. but recently its become somthing that is happening more offen then it was before and i find myself wanting to see him outside of work as much as possible. he calls me to talk and tells me he cant wait to the next time we can be together which last week was 4 time which is a bit exsessive for me because this is suppose to be a once and a while thing. i need advice on what to do here.... i know the logical thing is to end it but how? i have to see him every day at work i have a very good job with lots of room to move up ( again he is not my direct boss) and again the sex is amazing and i dont really have the time to find someone else or maybe the real problem is i dont want to. ive tryed to date during these 9 months and ive met some wonderful men BUT i never go out with them again and i feel like im cutting myself short for somthing that will never be anything more than sex. THen on the other hand he has talked about the "d" word with his wife... as for he thinks she is doing the same thing to him. Please any advice will help i never in my life though i would be the OW and im not sure how i let that happen.... i wouldnt want to be in his wifes shoes I think you need to step back and ask yoursef how important your job is to you - cause trust me you are risking it by having an A with the boss. How much do you /your kids need that income. If not at all then no problem, but if you do then you are taking a very silly risk with respect to your and your kids security. You want a relationship that gives you what you want with no commitemnt or drag on you ... I get that. What you are putting on the line, however, is your job ... And if you think you'll be flitting to another job if it comes out then you might want to consider what happens when they get a reference off your company ... !!! .... You've been strong enough to leave an unhappy M etc. Why now put your job on the line?
Fieldsofgold Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Yeah, I guess it's all about you and how you feel isn't it? You are not his wife, you don't know what goes on in their household, you only know what HE wants you to know. Say whatever you want to justify your affair. In the end, you will be the one that gets hurt. I don't totally agree with the bolded part. Yes, she will get hurt, but so will his wife and children, regardless of whether the marriage ends or not, that damage will be done. And he might lose his job too. I assume he is the primary breadwinner for his wife and child? So you could end up with two families losing their livelihood, a wife and child devastated. because it just feels so good to have a bundle of nerve endings massaged by him. There is such a thing as impulse control. Do you lack the maturity to make sound decisions based on logical reasoning? I assume you don't steal things from the store that you want because you understand there are serious consequences. You are stealing time and affection from a wife and child, and jeopardizing everyone's home and income to boot. Grow up. Get a backbone. Learn to make good decisions based on logical reasoning. Learn to exercise impulse control. If you don't, your life and your child's life will be a train wreck.
SoleMate Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Please talk to an employment lawyer, so you can get help ending the affair without also losing your job.
jthorne Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Please talk to an employment lawyer, so you can get help ending the affair without also losing your job.Since when did a person have to see a lawyer to just say no??? Whatever happend to free will, personal responsibility and self control? I suppose lawyers would love it if every workplace affair required a lawyer to terminate it. Talk about job security...
BlkAzian Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I think the reason the sex is so good is because its all in the mind.. and the realization that he is married makes it all the thrilling. You should leave this man alone because this man will throw you under the bus and me as a woman being brutally honest I would throw someone under the bus if he were messing with me and i was married to feed my kids ...because he has to come home to his wife and kids and not you .. You need to move on I still think the sex is so good only in your mind because you know you cant have him and its a adrenaline Rush... Get out.. Get Out...Let this man go.
Fieldsofgold Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 And if you really news help with the self-control, go to counseling.
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