gary1031 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I’ve been with my current gf for almost 5 months, but our story is a long one. I met her over 10 years ago on a blind date. She struck me as a player and I was looking for a steady relationship. She would call me from time to time to hangout, but it was always on her terms with her friends, we never did anything alone. When I called her to ask her out, she would tell me she did not have time. One time I got upset and just told her not to call me anymore. 10 years later we reconnected on a social networking website, and we started hanging out. She has matured quite a bit and was in a 4 year relationship. I live alone and had no family, and we lived close to each other, so we would hang out a lot. I did nothing but treat her as a good friend. During this time of “friendship” I developed feelings for her, but I kept them to myself knowing she had a bf. She would tell me about her relationship problems, and how her bf would treat her extremely bad, and how she does not see a future with him. She told me she hopes that he realizes they have no future and to break up with her. She says she is one that never wants to hurt him because she knows he loves her a lot, so she would rather him end the relationship. She tells me even though they were together for 4 years, their work schedules always conflict, so really they only see each other maybe a couple times each month, maybe less. As I’m listening, I just offer encouragement to make their relationship work. At no point would I encourage the break-up, and my feelings towards her remain hidden. 8 months after I reconnected with her I was offered a job that required me to relocate. I told her and she implored me not to go, but I told her I had to. I really didn’t want to go, but the girl I liked had a bf, and I was not going to do anything about it. The night before I was scheduled to fly out we had dinner, and she did some more bf bashing. The night concluded with her telling me that she had feelings for me too, and asked me to stay so that she can break up with her bf to be with me. My mind told me to leave, but my heart told me to stay. I stayed. The 3 months after she said that was extremely painful. She was still with her bf, and although she expressed feelings towards me, I did not do anything that would cross the line. I wouldn’t even give her a hug or hold her hand as long as she belonged to someone else. I was being stupid during these 3 months, and didn’t give myself a chance to meet any other girls. In my mind she was already my gf, and I was going to be faithful to her. There are times I would tell her that I don’t want to be friends anymore, that being friends with her was too painful, and that she should focus on her current relationship. I didn’t get the feeling she was going to leave him. She would console me, do some more bf bashing, and tell me she was working on the break-up. July was when she asked me to stay, and now it’s November. Nothing has happened. Sometime in November I went on a business trip, and I met a female friend that had potential to be something more. I wrote her an email telling her that I am letting her go, because I felt I was a major distraction to her current relationship, and told her to focus on making her current relationship work out. She called me the next day, and told me she had finally broken up with her bf. We had a cool down period and got together 2 months later. Sorry for the long background, but here is the issue now. Recently as I know her more, and know her friends more, I found out that during that period where she was supposedly trying to break up with him she was instead going on trips with him, and being intimate as well. None of her actions during those months where she asked me to wait matched a person that was trying to break up with her bf. It also didn’t seem like the bf was even that bad of a guy. I’m confused because my image of her is completely shattered. I confronted her about it, but she told me just to forget about her past. To be honest, I don’t care about her past. She had bfs in the past which I don't care, but this recent one is not the same because I was part of the past. She buttered me up and told me to wait for her, only to turn around and go on trips and be intimate with him. This is really hard to forget, even if we are together right now. She just tells me that the minute we got together that her past before that date should be forgotten and is no longer relevant. I can’t seem to get over it. Am I being too unforgiving?
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