brokenhearted12 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I am 30 years old, married for the last eight years, lived in a small town everyone new everyone and dated everyone as well, me and my husband have known each other for about 14 years we found ourselves pregnant with our first child 6 months after dating got married after she was born had our second child almost 5 years later, recently i just found our he was having an affair with his ex fiance for 6 months. my heart is completely broken i still see this woman i know all there is to know about her, friends with her family members, i just can not wrap my head and heart around this giant mess. what do i do? I am a beautiful strong woman an amazing mommie but i guess i haven't met his needs and not really sure i want to. If anyone has any advise i am willing to accept it with an open mind. brokenhearted12
califnan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Is he still in the affair. If not, is he repentant? What do you want to do?
janie423 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 you need to engage a lawyer immediately. I would say your marriage is probably over. how can you ever trust him again?
Mombot Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 What does your H have to say? What is your financial situation? Is she the OW single or married?
Author brokenhearted12 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 The affair has stopped, she is married also, he said it was a emotional affair, I am a stay at home mommie and getting ready to go back to school, he makes good money for this economy, we have some debt but not a lot we used to be best friends, my family is far away he and the girls are all I have here, I don't know how I will ever trust him or forgive him not to mention she is my worst enemy and I put him back together after she broke his heart and now he chose her to break mine. He is 6 years older than me I don't know if that has play in this situation or not but I have always felt rhat he was very lucky to have me and now I feel ugly, dumb and like a fool. Brokenhearted12
Samantha0905 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I am 30 years old, married for the last eight years, lived in a small town everyone new everyone and dated everyone as well, me and my husband have known each other for about 14 years we found ourselves pregnant with our first child 6 months after dating got married after she was born had our second child almost 5 years later, recently i just found our he was having an affair with his ex fiance for 6 months. my heart is completely broken i still see this woman i know all there is to know about her, friends with her family members, i just can not wrap my head and heart around this giant mess. what do i do? I am a beautiful strong woman an amazing mommie but i guess i haven't met his needs and not really sure i want to. If anyone has any advise i am willing to accept it with an open mind. brokenhearted12 I'm glad you know you are a beautiful strong woman and an amazing mommie. Don't say, "I guess I haven't met his needs." That's BS. If he desires to, he should want to meet your needs -- especially given he is the one who had the affair. If he doesn't, you need to recognize your strengths and his weaknesses and send him away. If you don't want to meet his "needs" -- then don't. He had an affair and should be meeting your needs if he wants to keep you. If he doesn't, don't play that game of being insecure with him. Kick him to the curb.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Nobody here can tell you what to do...only you can decide that. After catching my man over a month ago...I still have that feeling of I don't know what I'm going to do! I guess only time and his remorse can tell. It's definately a blow to our self esteem...but I think I'm getting past that now..and understanding this isnt my fault. I will owe up to the relationship issues we had prior to the affair..but not the affair at all! My spouse is 43..I'll be 30 at the end of this month and this OW was in her 40's as well. From people that know my situation..they say he must be the stupidest man that walked the earth to go from a 29 yr old to a 40 yr old. But the fact of the matter is..it really doesnt matter...she fed his ego..and thats basically it. Our relationship was really on the rocks..and I can see now why he strayed...not that its any excuse but I can understand it more clearly now. Your husbands actions will only speak volumes to you from here on. Nothing he says will mean much to you at this point...just like whatever my man says to me doesnt. The trust is now broken. Having kids with these men puts us in a different predicament. We are not only looking for ourselves anymore...but for our children and their future! Best of luck to you!
Fight4Me Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I am 30 years old, married for the last eight years, lived in a small town everyone new everyone and dated everyone as well, me and my husband have known each other for about 14 years we found ourselves pregnant with our first child 6 months after dating got married after she was born had our second child almost 5 years later, recently i just found our he was having an affair with his ex fiance for 6 months. my heart is completely broken i still see this woman i know all there is to know about her, friends with her family members, i just can not wrap my head and heart around this giant mess. what do i do? I am a beautiful strong woman an amazing mommie but i guess i haven't met his needs and not really sure i want to. If anyone has any advise i am willing to accept it with an open mind. brokenhearted12 The affair has stopped, she is married also, he said it was a emotional affair, I am a stay at home mommie and getting ready to go back to school, he makes good money for this economy, we have some debt but not a lot we used to be best friends, my family is far away he and the girls are all I have here, I don't know how I will ever trust him or forgive him not to mention she is my worst enemy and I put him back together after she broke his heart and now he chose her to break mine. He is 6 years older than me I don't know if that has play in this situation or not but I have always felt rhat he was very lucky to have me and now I feel ugly, dumb and like a fool. Brokenhearted12 Right now, you don't need to make any earth shattering decisions. You're still in shock and, trust me, just concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and take things one day at a time. Affairs with old flames are very common, and they don't mean your marriage is automatically over, especially if both BS and WS want to save it. One of the very first things you need to do is expose this to the OW's BS. He has a right to know and may be able to help you piece everything together to make sure you have the full truth. Consulting a lawyer, just to gather information as to your rights is another good first step. Next, I would seek help from an IC and/or your church. Expect to go through a wide range of emotions, but also know that it does get better, regardless of what you ultimately decide to do. Btw, how did you find out?
Author brokenhearted12 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 I exposed both of them to everyone her family his family and mine, I call her husband myself I found out through phone records, they talked or texted every day all day long from the min he left the house to the min he was sleeping he talked to for 75 min on valentines day and then text every min of the rest of the day if they were just friends why spend the whole day of love talking to each other, I love him a lot but not enough to wait for this to happen again. He just booked us a trip to hahaii he is trying really hard but I just feel that I may never get over this.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 How do you feel about going away with him so soon after all this was just discovered? I'm sure getting away may be a good thing...but can also be a waste of time as well! How long ago did you find out about his affair?
Fight4Me Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I exposed both of them to everyone her family his family and mine, I call her husband myself I found out through phone records, they talked or texted every day all day long from the min he left the house to the min he was sleeping he talked to for 75 min on valentines day and then text every min of the rest of the day if they were just friends why spend the whole day of love talking to each other, I love him a lot but not enough to wait for this to happen again. He just booked us a trip to hahaii he is trying really hard but I just feel that I may never get over this. It's possible you may not get over this, and I wouldn't even begin to try to figure out right now whether you can or can't. It is often suggested that you allow six months to a year before you even DECIDE to work on reconciliation or not. If your WH wants to "win you back," he's going to need to do a lot more than book a trip to Hawaii. In fact, that might make you feel like he can just buy you off. I know I would be wondering if he's just sorry he got caught. True remorse should be gut wrenching for him, with a sincere desire to walk through fire and commit to showing you everyday for the rest of his life that he desires and intends to be faithful. Given your situation, he has added work to prove to you that you were his first choice regardless of your pregnancy or that he had been engaged to this other woman. By the way, your story is a lot like mine, so I understand the unique pain you are in all too intimately. I'm so so sorry you find yourself here under these circumstances.
Recommended Posts