holiday Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 How do I handle this? He was my boyfriend first, then boss, now ex. My job is to maintain relationships with clients and generate new business for him. This means I have to speak highly of him and help him expand his business, which means help him make more money. I don't feel like doing this. This may sound malicious and mean spirited, but I don't want to see him succeed. I like the job (it's flexible, I make my own hours, it gives me time to teach a few classes at a local community college) and I live in a town with few job opportunities. When I get a new client I get commission, but he makes a lot of money. I just can't stand that I am helping his business succeed and making him wealthy. I'm kind of hoping I am unable to land any new clients just to spite him. Could this ever work? Maybe bitterness fades?
Major Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Ummmmm...no. Everything counts. Every second of your life is important. What you do and don't do matters. There is too much feeling here. If you could just look at it in a professional way and forget the personal ties, that would be different, but it's effecting you too much. Of course, in any commission based business (I am in commission based selling also), the boss always makes more money when you make money. That's no secret. However, your feeling is personal. You don't want your ex-boyfriend to succeed. It doesn't sound like he is making things hard for you or being personally vindictive, it just sounds like you still have a strong, emotional tie to him and that's not healthy. I don't care how much you like the job, and the opportunities, if you are not emotionally healthy, to me, it's not worth it. Did you notice your words? Maybe "bitterness" fades...not "feelings." You sound pretty, marketable. You know that in commission based sales it doesn't matter what the market is anyway. You know how to make your money no matter what the economy:) It would be great though if you can make this a professional, endeavor and leave the personal alone. It seems like he has moved forward. It would be in your best financial and professional interest to do the same if he isn't bothering you.
lola7 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Oh yes, I once knew a fellow who insisted on a work relationship after our short-lived romance. I think some people use the feelings of others as a way of "getting ahead" and gaining a loyal support team. But, if you feel the way you do, as I once did, it is best to just say no: I do not work with those I've been involved with, no, no, no. Now, if you need the money, consider a new supplemental income, fast. The last time something like this happened to me, I renegotiated payment terms that were out of his ballpark, knowing the business relationship would resolve, I mean, dissolve. I think I set my rate at something like $1,000 an hour--and believe you me, it felt great! So, tell him you want 33-50% of all incoming earnings from your activity and see how he reacts. Hee, hee. Good luck!
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