pureinheart Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 JJ, this is absolutely wonderful! It sounds like you are in a really good place concerning coming to terms with the entire deal. I really believe there is a time and a season for anger, hurt and pain. It's all a process, much like dealing with a death as it was the death of a R. Some get stuck in the structure of the grieving process...the most common is anger and bitterness. Anger and bitterness outside of this process just destroys the "stuck" person and the people around them... Man JJ you have gone through this process quick...cuddos to you!!!!!
Author jj33 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 (edited) I must be having a bad day....first thought in my head. If it were a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have a problem with burying the hatchet in Mr. Messy's skull. I hate the driver's license place. :mad:Sorry, back to your regularly scheduled program. This is about where i am. I have spoken to his business partners. On numerous occasions. They are tired of hearing it. And lets face it him being him is part of how they have been as successful as he is. He finesses his way into situations and because of who he is, very few people tell him to get lost. He has been reported in the past by employees. I never understood why til now. As for telling his W. Ha! Bet she misses me most of all. She has her own amusements her own life and she is probably really POd with me that I am no longer in the picture not that we have discussed it. If I told her she would laugh in my face. Amateur you just didnt know how to handle him. Chrome they have a relatoinship I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. If I had thought going to her would have made a difference, I would have at least threatened it. It would have been much better for me than going to his colleagues. Its really embarrassing to me that they know. But it wasnt a viable option. Would have gotten me nowhere. I have called for NC on no uncertain terms and told his colleagues about it (just what every guy wants to her right? that their don quan colleague cant keep his women in line.). That was a year ago and it didnt take for very long what I got instead was him trying to undermine me in subtle ways. So it seemed easier to speak when necessary and it has ONLY been about business. When I see him I do walk away. In a crowded room where he is a big kahuna I cant exactly spit in his face so I say hello and excuse myself. I dont want to tarnish my reputation with a war with him. Ive worked too hard to let him get in the way now that I have finally gotten him out of my heart. The stress of trying to be nice to him made me ill physically (really and I have only myself to blame). Since the lightning bolt a few weeks ago I can feel my energy coming back. I know my body will heal more quickly now. I was just trying to strategize my next move because I dont want to be blindsided by him ever again. Suppose there isnt really anything to do but what I have been doing and should be easier now that I no longer care. I never thought I could feel so negatively towards someone I once loved. Amazing really but what a relief. Thanks all for your replies Edited June 3, 2010 by jj33
Fieldsofgold Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 After reading your post a couple of weeks ago about the meeting you attended and his disrespect of you, and then seeing the title of this thread, all I could think was, "deeply, and in his back!" (this is a joke, please no one take it as a serious comment.)* When I was very young, I was married to an older and severely abusive man. I had his child. He made my life worse than hell while with him, when I tried to leave, and for some years after I had left (because of the child.) One day I had a revelation. My fear of him gave him his strength. He fed off of it. He was empowered by it. And the more he saw my fear in reaction to him, the more power and strength he had to use against me, to cause me more fear. (I hope this makes sense to you. It's hard to put into words, but I understood it at a very spiritual level.) The next time he started $h*t with me, I called his bluff, I stood up to him, I laughed at him, I ridiculed his attempts to intimidate me. I mocked him, I was amusedly scornful and disdainful of him. (I had to fake it at first, but it got easier.) He shriveled like a pansy on a hot summer day. And he never had power over me again. And he never bothered me again. ** I believe this guy you're dealing with is getting power from seeing your discomfort; he sees he still has power over you, has the power to make you miserable. *He feeds on it and draws strength from it. It's an ego inflator for him. ** Pride comes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. And he's got plenty of both.*No matter how "golden" he is, no matter what a "big kahuna" he is (not to mention a big @$$), he's not invincible, he's not indestructable. He has his Achilles heel. Think on it for a while. You know him well, you can figure out where he is vulnerable. Maybe reacting to his hurtful jabs with mild amusement would humiliate and deflate him. Maybe treating him as a pathetic piece of work, which he is, would do it. Maybe he has a fear of something. *There is weakness in him. Find it and use it on him. *Take back your power!* I think even just a change in your mindset will send subtle messages to him that he has lost power over you. And that is what it is all about, I think. He likes power. (just a guess) And Chrome Barracuda does make a good point. You don't have to work for him to sue him for harassment or other such. I would at least consult with a good attorney. *
Author jj33 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Thanks FOG I think my change in mindset over the past few weeks is sending a signal. I wont stoop to his level but as I am quite vocal about everything most of the time in this case silence and not caring enough to respond to anything is a bigger sign that he has "lost it" at least with me than putting him down. I havent had to test my theory yet but I dont think I will actually be uncomfortable I just have NO patience for the thought of spending any time even being civil to him. Hes no longer relevant to my life as far as I am concerned. Yes I will have to talk to one of his cohorts today but not to him. As for the harrassment suit thanks but not for me. It would severely damage my credibility and as a former OW I think I have about a snowballs chance in hell of success. Basically I think it would be like throwing bad money after good and very negative energy I dont want to focus on him anymore. I think I need to bank on my new attitude driving him away. Vampires need someone to prey on. If I no longer respond (even negative attention was attention) then I think eventually he will go away because I wont be feeding him anymore. Sure it could take him awhile to get it or he may be silent for awhile and then try again to see if he can get a reaction (that is the thing he doesnt want me back he just likes knowing he still has the power to get a reaction I just finally realized that). But so long as I dont react I think it will go away and if he doesnt perhaps that is simply his problem and if he tries to escalate again to get the reaction he seeks, then it will become his company's problem (again).
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