shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 i am an OM to a MW and have been so for a year.....wanted to understand more the psychology of such a thing....we have had physical contact in the past(everything except intercourse)but now its more along the lines of her calling me on a semi-daily/daily basis and going out once or twice a month....and her husband still doesnt know after all this time....so i ask everyone this....i realize that she is controlling the situation on her end and maybe isnt being straight with everything she is telling me..but....why still have an outside interest in me when supposedly her marriage is good???
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wants her cake and eat it to ... and with the outside interest.. It's flattery and adds more to her life, to be living on the edge.. It's the stuff that "soap operas" are made of ..
Tommy's Girl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wants her cake and eat it to ... and with the outside interest.. It's flattery and adds more to her life, to be living on the edge.. It's the stuff that "soap operas" are made of .. I totally agree with this.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 Wants her cake and eat it to ... and with the outside interest.. It's flattery and adds more to her life, to be living on the edge.. It's the stuff that "soap operas" are made of .. yes,i would agree with that....but.....could there be at least some shred of actual feelings toward me or is it the case of the cheater being selfish and delusional?
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 yes,i would agree with that....but.....could there be at least some shred of actual feelings toward me or is it the case of the cheater being selfish and delusional? ---------------- I believe that while the cheater is a user - yes they have feelings. Intimacy or the thought of it - causes feelings.. I also think the MM / MW use these outside relationships to ingratiate their lives/marriages.. It is for the OM / OW to decide if they wish to be the putty for someone's marriage, while being the fraction of another's life. A whole complete person, should not settle for this .. not even if they are telling themselves that they are merely fitting this into their schedule, or whatever.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 ---------------- I believe that while the cheater is a user - yes they have feelings. Intimacy or the thought of it - causes feelings.. I also think the MM / MW use these outside relationships to ingratiate their lives/marriages.. It is for the OM / OW to decide if they wish to be the putty for someone's marriage, while being the fraction of another's life. A whole complete person, should not settle for this .. not even if they are telling themselves that they are merely fitting this into their schedule, or whatever. califnan-well stated....and for me....its difficult because i sometime finding myself being obsessive over the fact that shes having another PA or EA with another man...but i ask myself this-if she were my wife/girlfriend could i trust her?absolutely not....and the fact her husband is completely clueless on this shows that she has no regard for her marriage at all.....
jthorne Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 califnan-well stated....and for me....its difficult because i sometime finding myself being obsessive over the fact that shes having another PA or EA with another man...but i ask myself this-if she were my wife/girlfriend could i trust her?absolutely not....and the fact her husband is completely clueless on this shows that she has no regard for her marriage at all.....I've read your thread here and on the Infidelity forum. I'm still confused about what advice you are seeking. Whether she has feelings for you or not, she's not leaving her husband. And you've said yourself you wouldn't want her. You're an ego feed for her, just as she's an ego feed for you. So what's the problem? And why can't you get your ego feed from your wife, instead of from someone else's?
Mombot Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Sounds like you need to talk directly to her- Have her answer where this thing is going, how it feels to her, what does she feel for you. Sounds like you are looking for a wife or girlfriend, and this wouldn't be that.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 I've read your thread here and on the Infidelity forum. I'm still confused about what advice you are seeking. Whether she has feelings for you or not, she's not leaving her husband. And you've said yourself you wouldn't want her. You're an ego feed for her, just as she's an ego feed for you. So what's the problem? And why can't you get your ego feed from your wife, instead of from someone else's? jt-i just want to know why a MW would still want to be involved with an OM when it merely seems to be nothing more than a friendship..but when i say that....i rememebr that her hubby doesnt know anything....and about me being "used" by her(which sounds degrading)and being "on the hook" for sex as you told me in the other forum.....
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 jt-i just want to know why a MW would still want to be involved with an OM when it merely seems to be nothing more than a friendship..but when i say that....i rememebr that her hubby doesnt know anything....and about me being "used" by her(which sounds degrading)and being "on the hook" for sex as you told me in the other forum..... my wife pretty much damages my ego instead of pumping it up....all about her....
jthorne Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 If you're asking why she's cheating if her marriage is so good- it's because she can. Period. She obviously doesn't respect her husband enough to be loyal to him, and you tell her what she wants to hear. Why are you cheating?
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 califnan-well stated....and for me....its difficult because i sometime finding myself being obsessive over the fact that shes having another PA or EA with another man...but i ask myself this-if she were my wife/girlfriend could i trust her?absolutely not....and the fact her husband is completely clueless on this shows that she has no regard for her marriage at all..... --------------------- No. No regard for her husband or marriage.. It is true, you would not trust her if you married her.. Furthermore, many times when the other person manages to break up the marriage - the former married person can still compare both. You don't want to be in a relationship with the comparisons and distrust - you want the relationship to be exclusive.. You are better off to drop her, so you will stay more open to others..
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 If you're asking why she's cheating if her marriage is so good- it's because she can. Period. She obviously doesn't respect her husband enough to be loyal to him, and you tell her what she wants to hear. Why are you cheating? me and my wife have been having issues(emotional,financial,physical....and still are)and this MW is beautiful,sexy and intelligent and communicates more to me than my own MW does.....and she was the last person i had intimate contact with....and it was so much fun....i know i sound pathetic but just being truthful....
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 --------------------- No. No regard for her husband or marriage.. It is true, you would not trust her if you married her.. Furthermore, many times when the other person manages to break up the marriage - the former married person can still compare both. You don't want to be in a relationship with the comparisons and distrust - you want the relationship to be exclusive.. You are better off to drop her, so you will stay more open to others.. ---------------------- Edit.. didn't know you were married Shawn.
jthorne Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 She knows you like her. She knows you want her. She likes to flirt. She likes the attention. She likes toying with you. She likes knowing that you would drop trou for her in a second. What's not to like?
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 me and my wife have been having issues(emotional,financial,physical....and still are)and this MW is beautiful,sexy and intelligent and communicates more to me than my own MW does.....and she was the last person i had intimate contact with....and it was so much fun....i know i sound pathetic but just being truthful.... ------------------ Yes the M affair partners do seem to be more intelligent, communicative, beautiful, considerate than others.. These relationships seem to just happen, and take people away from the priorities of life..
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 ---------------------- Edit.. didn't know you were married Shawn. califnan-sorry....this has been goig on for a little over a year now....and thanks for the advice...im in the wrong too and its a shame that marriages are not like they use to be.....
Author shawnm789 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 She knows you like her. She knows you want her. She likes to flirt. She likes the attention. She likes toying with you. She likes knowing that you would drop trou for her in a second. What's not to like? ..and i probably have done more with her/for her in a year thank her hubb y has done during their marriage(10 years).....
4everloveu Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Her husband don't know because she smart and good in lying.
ladydesigner Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 She knows you like her. She knows you want her. She likes to flirt. She likes the attention. She likes toying with you. She likes knowing that you would drop trou for her in a second. What's not to like? Yep Yep and Yep. I am an XMOW and I can say I craved all of those things and got them from my XOM. I also fell pretty hard for my XOM. He ended the A with me and so I found LS. It's an ego boost for everyone. Too bad it doesn't last forever. Find it within yourself;)
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 my wife pretty much damages my ego instead of pumping it up....all about her.... Why should she pump up your ego? Why can't you do that for yourself? And if she is damaging you emotionally, leave. You are being emotionally abused. No need to abuse another person because you are being abused.
fooled once Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ..and i probably have done more with her/for her in a year thank her hubb y has done during their marriage(10 years)..... How do you know this? because she tells you?? Come on - why do you cheat? Why don't you divorce vs cheating? Why don't you go to counseling? Does your wife know you cheat? Why can't you be honest with her? Same questions you asked basically -- why are you cheating? Probably the same reason she is -- PLUS she gets a thrill from knowing she can crook her finger and you come running. Its a high and a control thing for her. If your wife is so intolerable, do the honorable and respectful thing and divorce her.
Heather1 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I might be a stereotypical MOW, so I'll tell you my thoughts. I wanted a lover & a friend, not another H. It's like a pocket I had all to myself, and I felt like I could be myself. I felt (for awhile) way more connected to OM. I'd wake up & go to sleep thinking about him (still do). I loved being in my fantasy world during the day, and then was able to cope w/ my family life at home. It gave me something to be excited about & look forward to for the first time in years. So yeah, ego boost, whatever. Still, I cared about him a lot...still do.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 why still have an outside interest in me when supposedly her marriage is good??? Because sometimes she gets bored and wants excitement/romance/sex from someone other than her husband.
Author shawnm789 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 i want to thank everyone for their unbiased opinions and i appreciate the brutal honesty....met up with the MW last night for dinner and let me tell you....if it couldnt get any more convoluted......discussing how she is an adventurous person in the bedroom-how she would and wouldnt do certain things("i draw the line"-now mind you-dont know if it means with hubby or transgressions-either way-not for me to ask)....then as we are leaving...discussing making me a drink sometime with a new machine she just got....can't go to either one's house.....discussed about making dinner.....said we'd have to find somewhere(doesn't want to do a hotel room because of our "new friendship"???ok.....what would your hubby say to that(he STILL does not know of me)....then,she gives me a "birthday kiss"-we both had the same bday....as many LSers have said on here-what would your spouse think if you saw them doing that to someone else?but i tell you though..the sexual tension was soo thick....jesus.....thoughts,opinions,would like them all....and one question...can the MW have re-emerging sexual feelings for her A partner even though she is sending mixed emotional and physical feelings..like she is?
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