jcowan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Basically here is the deal. I am a 26 year old male whose first real girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. I haven't stop thinking or talking about it since. We had been dating for just over 3 years when it happened. We met through work and have been working at the same company for the entire time we were dating. We clicked the first time we met each other and soon we were dating and in love. After 2 years of dating each other we accepted positions in another country. Now 6 months into living here she broke it off. To me everything felt good until the last month and a half where she went crazy (out late, lots of drinking) Her reasons were that we had grown apart and she had developed feelings for someone else (in about a 3-4 week period of hanging out). I feel as if he is just a rebound as it happened during the end of us but it rips me up that she can move on so quick. I know that she is out of the picture because she is still in contact with the other guy (lives in South Africa) and is planning on visiting him in 3 mths in the time we had booked off for our vacation to New York. I was weak at the beginning and talked to her a couple times about the relationship and why and could feel from her that she had gotten her closure, (she went on a couple dates with me at the end, while she was also seeing this guy) and I want to hate her, but when I see her or talk to her I can't. We have talked a couple times and for me it was like when we were first dating the conversation was so good as it has always been. I am devastated this was the girl I had trusted and cared for 3 years of my life and moved away with and then she does this. I can accept that the relationship is over because I can see how the island and living together removed us from what we were as a couple before we came down. The problem is that I cannot do the no contact thing because I see her most everyday and the love I have is not going away. Although we were both taking the situation for granted, this has caused me to reassess and realize how much love I have for her and at the same time she reassessed and found someone she thought was better. Part of me just wants to forget her, but I can't because I see her everyday and the feelings keep coming back. Part of me is so lost because to me this all happened so quickly. Help!
hardtocope Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 OP, I don't have any good advice. The same thing has just happened to me. I've been reading this forum for a couple days now, and this seems like a really common behavior from one's partner at the end of a relationship. Some of these maybe could be saved with counseling, if both sides cared enough, but more often than not it seems that one side cares deeply, and the other doesn't really, and is moving on with someone else at the same time. Which is so hurtful, it's almost unbearable. My sympathies for your pain. The advice I keep seeing is NC and try to move on, with help from friends, family, counseling, SSRIs, whatever helps. There is a process, and quick removal of yourself from all reminders and contact with the ex is the fastest way through it. I personally am at the beginning of this awful ride though, so while I can see what is happening with you, I can't give personal advice about being there, or getting past it, can only relate what I have read here. I am in the thick of it. I really feel for you.
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