Arrrrggh!

[missy197]

I have had another bad day. I am on school holidays (as a teacher where we BOTH teach) so have time on my hands now. I am dreading the summer break in 6 weeks (for nearly 7 weeks!) and that's when she leaves for good.

 

I have posted on here quite a bit recently. Some of you might know my (kind of) story..

 

I know we were wrong, I know amongst her good points, she is selfish, shallow, materialistic. I know I deserved better. I know I need to continue NC. I know I am not to check facebook etc. I know I am not going to do better in terms of looks, but I also know that's not what makes a relationship. I know I dodged a bullet and she has issues that will become apparent in her life in time to come.

 

I also know I miss her, or being in a relationship I suppose. I know I am struggling and I am upset too, knowing she is back home living it up, probably feeding off the attention from her friends, family and new admirer(s), something that gives her validation.

 

I am sitting here, feeling sad and lonely, about to go to bed (on my own again)..it might be because it's proper NC (I can't see her at work).

 

Man, this really sucks..I don't feel like going out. I went out today with a friend and couldn't stop thinking about her and just wanted to go home (which I did) and suffer, alone..

 

(I am in the UK by the way)

[Cantcope]

I'm so sorry that you're having a bad day. I feel your pain. BUT....you feel so much better when you don't see them, it's weird at first, but when you do see them...UGH!!

 

I too hide at home a lot. It's just nice being in my "safe place". It sucks and I'm lonely there, but if I want to lock myself up and cry, I know I can.

 

With every passing day, you will feel a bit better. It may not always feel like that, but at some point, you're like "OMG....I just went 2 hours without thinking of her". And you'll be so proud of yourself!!!

[northstar1]

I've been there and I know what you are going through. For the first few months after my breakup a few years back, I'd hate going out because I'd always end up consumed by thoughts about her, couldn't enjoy myself and went home depressed. And if you sit at home, you think that your ex is out having a great time.

 

It does get better, trust me. With time,you'll be comfortable in your own skin even being alone and home. You'll find pleasure again in small things, watching a good movie, reading a book, having a beer on a patio with mates. You will enjoy those things again and you won't be stuck thinking of your ex every 30 seconds.

 

You're doing NC which is good, the rest I'm afraid is just time now. You'll get there.

[aeren944]

I am CURRENTLY right where you're at... and I have to agree with the other two posters here. It's been about 5 weeks for me since everything crumbled. But, honestly, northstar's right... suddenly, last night, I got myself a sandwich from a restaurant, took it home, ate it on my couch by myself, and watched TV... and I took joy in that. It's the small things. I've been hiding for the past 5 weeks... but it IS getting better.

 

The worst part is the time... but, it WILL get better... and it might come sooner than you think. I'm still in hell, but today, I don't feel it as bad. I was able to go 2 minutes without thinking about her, instead of the usual one minute! Not much, but it IS progress... it's coming.

 

Like I said, time is the hardest part, but just exist and it will come... and, like I said, it might come sooner than you expect, just think about that.

 

Honestly, it's completely normal to miss her. I miss mine, too, terribly. But, she cheated on me and cut out my heart when she left. Isn't that stupid that I still miss her?? But, I'm accepting it now. Hell yes, I miss her... but that just proves how much I loved her, how much I gave to her. She walked away from that... not me. Missing them is just proving that you're real, you're human, and your feelings were ALWAYS valid, despite how it seems now.

Edited June 2, 2010 by aeren944