HurtinginTexas Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Please Loveshack can you interpret this for me I am so hurt. I ve been going to therapy and had 4 sessions. I am feeling a bit better still have my highs and lows. I went on his emmail today (yes its no contact yes its morally wrong but Im desperate to search for answers). I find below. From the exW to his grown kids (38 and 34 in AZ): "Good Morning - I hope your Dad is doing well. It's going to be hard for him to go to counseling but I pray he does it... I don't want any secrets between us anymore - honesty is SO important even when it hurts! You can work thru hurt... So if he doesn't want you to talk with me about him - that's fine, just let me know... Hopefully he doesn't want me to stop contact with you guys?" From the daughter: "Yeah, he's doing ok. We had a long talk and he's going to go to counseling. He didn't say anything about stopping contact with us. Why would you say that? He's not happy about you saying you shouldn't talk for the next year but he understands that there will be a lot to go through. My personal opinion is that you guys don't talk but I know that's hard on him...and probably you because you ask about him a lot. I just don't want him working on himself and you get close to him and pull away again. He can't deal with that and I don't want it to push him back or get him upset and thinking bad things about himself again. I know there is a lot to work through but he doesn't need to be punished forever for what has happened. He does know he has a lot to talk to you about and he can't hold everything in for a year. Know what I mean? He said he'd like for you to call once in awhile..." From her: " I don't have the answers. For me right now its best your Dad and I have no contact; and I think when he has a few counseling sessions, he'll understand why. I have to think about "me" first - it's very hard and maybe not fair to your Dad right now - but it's what I have to do... I'm just glad he is going to counseling and you guys are there for him. Encourage him to call and talk to friends - he has a lot of friends; he just needs to reach out to them like I did..." I am so devastaed. I never was "IT" for him was I. I was a cheap replacement an, A on the side that really meant nothing. And when she had had enough she divorced him. It took him 10 months to realize I guess I wasnt the one and he wanted her back. Whats killing me inside is that hes been so awful to me, and a liar and manipulative that I dont know if this was a plaoy or lie to get her entangled again. Or he really just wants her back , and was trying to escape from me. I feel so horribel thinking his time with me has been so awful that hes wanted to kill himself to get attention. And move away and get counseling which he wouldnt for me. How do I interpret this? I feel like writing him and saying Im sorry I have made you so miserable, why didnt you end it so long ago. He has run from me. I feel like dying even more so now, than I thought he was just being a nasty liar with mental issues.
bittersweet memories Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Please Loveshack can you interpret this for me I am so hurt. I ve been going to therapy and had 4 sessions. I am feeling a bit better still have my highs and lows. I went on his emmail today (yes its no contact yes its morally wrong but Im desperate to search for answers). I find below. From the exW to his grown kids (38 and 34 in AZ): "Good Morning - I hope your Dad is doing well. It's going to be hard for him to go to counseling but I pray he does it... I don't want any secrets between us anymore - honesty is SO important even when it hurts! You can work thru hurt... So if he doesn't want you to talk with me about him - that's fine, just let me know... Hopefully he doesn't want me to stop contact with you guys?" From the daughter: "Yeah, he's doing ok. We had a long talk and he's going to go to counseling. He didn't say anything about stopping contact with us. Why would you say that? He's not happy about you saying you shouldn't talk for the next year but he understands that there will be a lot to go through. My personal opinion is that you guys don't talk but I know that's hard on him...and probably you because you ask about him a lot. I just don't want him working on himself and you get close to him and pull away again. He can't deal with that and I don't want it to push him back or get him upset and thinking bad things about himself again. I know there is a lot to work through but he doesn't need to be punished forever for what has happened. He does know he has a lot to talk to you about and he can't hold everything in for a year. Know what I mean? He said he'd like for you to call once in awhile..." From her: " I don't have the answers. For me right now its best your Dad and I have no contact; and I think when he has a few counseling sessions, he'll understand why. I have to think about "me" first - it's very hard and maybe not fair to your Dad right now - but it's what I have to do... I'm just glad he is going to counseling and you guys are there for him. Encourage him to call and talk to friends - he has a lot of friends; he just needs to reach out to them like I did..." I am so devastaed. I never was "IT" for him was I. I was a cheap replacement an, A on the side that really meant nothing. And when she had had enough she divorced him. It took him 10 months to realize I guess I wasnt the one and he wanted her back. Whats killing me inside is that hes been so awful to me, and a liar and manipulative that I dont know if this was a plaoy or lie to get her entangled again. Or he really just wants her back , and was trying to escape from me. I feel so horribel thinking his time with me has been so awful that hes wanted to kill himself to get attention. And move away and get counseling which he wouldnt for me. How do I interpret this? I feel like writing him and saying Im sorry I have made you so miserable, why didnt you end it so long ago. He has run from me. I feel like dying even more so now, than I thought he was just being a nasty liar with mental issues. You need to stop looking through his emails and move on. Looks like he is getting the help he needs, as well as the wife. Sounds like the wife wants NC from him...smart woman.
Spark1111 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Hurting..... I don't interpret this to be about you.... I interpret this to be a mother talking with her children regarding their father's depression and attempted suicide and yes, you or his relationship with you. Would it make you feel better to be called the OW, or his affair partner? Do you realized how hard that may be for a mother to say to the father of her children? She is reaching out to them to be a support system for him, to speak to him and not disown him...regardless of the reason of you, or not, or their past, or his leaving and coming back in his confusion. She will not be a support system or confident in this matter. Can you blame her? She has probably said all she is going to say on him, you, the leaving and the coming back. She is done, yet still trying to ensure his children do not abandon him. You should be done too. Only he can fix himself.
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Wait to see how this plays out.. His motives for doing anything, don't matter.. You can try to continue to try to put the pieces together by checking the emails, but you are too whole, complete of a woman to be looking into the windows of his life/marriage in this manner. He is not marriage material to Anyone.. No one who uses people as he does, should receive this much attention..
Author HurtinginTexas Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 This is not the father of her children as they each brought in their own from previous marriages. My concern is that maybe I WAS SO poisonous to him that hes depressed or ill. He is the one that did all the back and forth. I am so confused. I wanted him to love me and be his support system . i feel sick
bittersweet memories Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 This is not the father of her children as they each brought in their own from previous marriages. My concern is that maybe I WAS SO poisonous to him that hes depressed or ill. He is the one that did all the back and forth. I am so confused. I wanted him to love me and be his support system . i feel sick Regardless she was married to the guy for many years and she was very much part of the kids lives..
califnan Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 This is not the father of her children as they each brought in their own from previous marriages. My concern is that maybe I WAS SO poisonous to him that hes depressed or ill. He is the one that did all the back and forth. I am so confused. I wanted him to love me and be his support system . i feel sick -------------------- It will not do any good to anguish about it .. You must wait .. I don't know if there is anyone on here who knows why you even want him .. even to be his "support system" ..
jthorne Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 This is not the father of her children as they each brought in their own from previous marriages. My concern is that maybe I WAS SO poisonous to him that hes depressed or ill. He is the one that did all the back and forth. I am so confused. I wanted him to love me and be his support system . i feel sickHIT, you have to realize that he is responsible for his own shiz, just as you are responsible for your own healing. He's gone. Let him go. He's got a lot of baggage that you have nothing to do with. He's a sick man. You on the other hand. Let it go. Stop reading his emails. You are no longer a part of his life. It's time for you to resume your own life. You poisonous to him? Please. He's been nothing but poison to you.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 ...god stalker much??? how the hell are you even in his email system??? it's over go find a single man to be with??? stop wasting your time! 1
Susmay Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 These seem like private e-mails between his xW and his daughter. It doesn't even seem like they would be in his e-mail account. Are you hacking into the private e-mails of his xW? 1
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Is anybody else uncomfortable that she is privy to private communications between two people who are speaking freely without thinking someone else is intruding? :eek:This is twisted and soooo wrong. 1
fooled once Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Is anybody else uncomfortable that she is privy to private communications between two people who are speaking freely without thinking someone else is intruding? :eek:This is twisted and soooo wrong. I completely agree!!! 1
whichwayisup Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I think you need to PM Tony and ask him to remove the actual email you posted. And, sorry to say this, as I am sure you know already, but reading the email is a total invasion of privacy. It's just wrong.. And, its' upsetting you! If you continue to read about stuff that isn't any of your business, you'll continue to feel hurt. You can't make someone love you and lean on you for support if they don't or aren't ready to.
Author HurtinginTexas Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Chrome Barracuda Before you DARE is to judge me why dont you bother reading my "Im hurting" post and how Ive been jacked around for 3.5 years and lied to and used and he takes off again and disappears. HE GAVE ME his email and password at one time. Im reading them because I was left, no warning, no goodbye but an "I love you babe headed to a dr appt" and then vanish. i am wondering WHY beacuse Ive lived with the man for almost a year and to figure out what the hell went wrong. You dare judge me after all the HELL Ive been through. Remove the post if you wish. I paraphrased anyway but how dare you. I am hurting, lost and in pain and you judge what a person has done to me by emotionally manipulating me for years. All I needed to see what what the story REALLY was in case he ever bothered to reappaer again. And to get your alls advice to keep me strong.
bittersweet memories Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Chrome Barracuda Before you DARE is to judge me why dont you bother reading my "Im hurting" post and how Ive been jacked around for 3.5 years and lied to and used and he takes off again and disappears. HE GAVE ME his email and password at one time. Im reading them because I was left, no warning, no goodbye but an "I love you babe headed to a dr appt" and then vanish. i am wondering WHY beacuse Ive lived with the man for almost a year and to figure out what the hell went wrong. You dare judge me after all the HELL Ive been through. Remove the post if you wish. I paraphrased anyway but how dare you. I am hurting, lost and in pain and you judge what a person has done to me by emotionally manipulating me for years. All I needed to see what what the story REALLY was in case he ever bothered to reappaer again. And to get your alls advice to keep me strong. Sorry but there has plenty of warnings and goodbyes from this guy to you. You chosen not to listen to any of the warnings. So what are you talking about and stop reading his personal emails. He's moved on so leave them alone.. 2
ladydesigner Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Chrome Barracuda Before you DARE is to judge me why dont you bother reading my "Im hurting" post and how Ive been jacked around for 3.5 years and lied to and used and he takes off again and disappears. HE GAVE ME his email and password at one time. Im reading them because I was left, no warning, no goodbye but an "I love you babe headed to a dr appt" and then vanish. i am wondering WHY beacuse Ive lived with the man for almost a year and to figure out what the hell went wrong. You dare judge me after all the HELL Ive been through. Remove the post if you wish. I paraphrased anyway but how dare you. I am hurting, lost and in pain and you judge what a person has done to me by emotionally manipulating me for years. All I needed to see what what the story REALLY was in case he ever bothered to reappaer again. And to get your alls advice to keep me strong. (((HurtinginTexas))) Sorry you are in this much pain. You will get to where you need to be when you allow yourself too. Please stop beating yourself up and reading his emails. You need to really try and think of YOUR life without him. Reading your story is very painful to see how you are being treated. Please move on and try to surround yourself with family and friends.
RedDevil66 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Hurting, easy! We've all been through heartache and yours is self inflicted pain I think you going into his private email and posting this is "stalkerish" and I don't use that term lightly. Very uncool of you to read his wife and kids private emails. I know you're hurting, but this is SO VERY wrong what you're doing here 1
bentnotbroken Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Chrome Barracuda Before you DARE is to judge me why dont you bother reading my "Im hurting" post and how Ive been jacked around for 3.5 years and lied to and used and he takes off again and disappears. HE GAVE ME his email and password at one time. Im reading them because I was left, no warning, no goodbye but an "I love you babe headed to a dr appt" and then vanish. i am wondering WHY beacuse Ive lived with the man for almost a year and to figure out what the hell went wrong. You dare judge me after all the HELL Ive been through. Remove the post if you wish. I paraphrased anyway but how dare you. I am hurting, lost and in pain and you judge what a person has done to me by emotionally manipulating me for years. All I needed to see what what the story REALLY was in case he ever bothered to reappaer again. And to get your alls advice to keep me strong. You put yourself in that position. The assumption that you made about him not doing to you what he had done to her was wrong. His actions showed no regard for her and he continued those actions with you. Judging you:eek:If saying you are wrong to be reading a private conversation between family members then most of us are judging your actions as not only wrong but more than a little twisted, no matter what your reasons are. Having his email and password, does not give your the go ahead to snoop. If the situation were reversed and they were reading your email, I would bet you would be crapping a brick.
Mimolicious Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 What baffles me is that you seriously feel like this guy is your oxygen tank . This is a bit disturbing that you are obsessing so bad over this man and you feel like you dont want to live:o. STOP stalking and make yourself better! Don't waste your energy on negativity. Get some help ASAP and move on already!!!!! He did you a favor by bouncing...
ladydesigner Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 He did you a favor by bouncing... EXACTLY!!! One day you will realize this too. Dodged a MAJOR bullet here.
califnan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Hurting, If you haven't read enough of the posts on here - you need to read more.. It isn't unusual for the married (or divorced) person to have second thoughts once everything is handed to them.. These are people who wanted to have both relationships (or more).. The wife going on with her life, really seemed to entice him. Your looking into their emails is only for a season .. You will get to the point where you will know what you have been dealing with, and you will not care.. I know you have 3-1/2 yrs tied us with him.. Just be happy you saw the light with his irresponsible behavior.. You would not want to drag him through life with you ..
califnan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 What baffles me is that you seriously feel like this guy is your oxygen tank . QUOTE] ----------------- The affairs can be addictive.
Fight4Me Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 These seem like private e-mails between his xW and his daughter. It doesn't even seem like they would be in his e-mail account. Are you hacking into the private e-mails of his xW? You have a very good point that has been overlooked (at least I did), and believe it is a valid question. If it is his email alone, it makes absolutely no sense for Hurting to also have access to xw's private discussions between her and his grown children. Hurting, I truly understand you're in a lot of pain and want to try to piece together the situation, but you continue to cross lines that not only prolong your suffering, but have great potential to get you into a fair amount of trouble. Besides, the last people you should be spying on are the innocent victims of his lying and cheating, and then sharing their conversations on a public message board.
jj33 Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Hurting I believe that in different forums I have followed your story for several years. And it is a very sad story. Very sad indeed. If you were able to look back over the wreckage you would see that you have been hurt so many times by this man, that you have been in pain so much of the time and that you have always for whatever reason believed that things would work out. If this is the story I think it is, you have had a terrible time over the past few years with all sorts of hardships, and I think (perhaps) you have clung to the idea of hte relationship because with so many other things wrong, its comforting to think that one thing, love is right. When the world is all wrong, No matter what else happens, feeling that someone loves you and having a brighter future to look forward to with them, somehow makes it all more bearable. I know how that feels. The thing is, he aint it. No matter what you think today. You need to back away from the computer. Stop torturing yourself with these emails. This is not about you. This is about him. He needs help and he is getting it from his family. All the things you thought were true are not. And I am sure that is heartbreaking. But nor are the outside forces what you thought they were. His W did not take him back. It is very unlikely he attempted suicide for attention, by the time someone gets that far, there is something very very wrong. You need to focus on you right now. Not him. He is not a part of your life anymore. Take good care
vanilla chai Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 You opened up a pandora's box by looking at his email. You went looking and now you found it. it's pretty sad when you have to go snooping it's time to let him go
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