orangeorange Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I just want some opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years now, its extremely serious, take it as if we're married. Everything about him is perfect, we match, we have the same interests, we have fun together etc. I had to go away for work, and I've been gone about six weeks, and haven't seen him. I miss him A LOT. Very much. Anyway, I work with a guy that I get along with really well, we make each other laugh. On breaks from work we have been to a few parties together. I consider him my good friend now. He has a wife of nine years and two kids. He loves them all dearly, but, he is young - they had unplanned pregnancies, and he's confided in me that although he wouldn't trade his kids for the world, it has bound him to his wife in a way that he may not have been if not for the kids. I personally think he's pretty good looking, and he just makes me feel great and we have a good time together. He knows all about my boyfriend and everything. Last weekend we spent some time together and talked through texts etc., and he just said a few things that made it clear he wanted to spend time alone with me. I also want to, I don't know what will happen, but I am attracted to him a little. Anyway things happened and we ended up spending the time together but with his gf too. I don't think anything will happen, but I don't want these feelings, I don't want to like him, I feel like a ****ing skank for looking at him like that when I love my man at home. What can I do about this?
JustJoe Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 You have three choices, OP. 1) cheat on your BF and suffer the consequences. 2)become more mature, stop flirting and be an honest and faithful GF or 3) Break up with your BF and let him find a woman who will treat him better than you are, right now. You are already cheating on him, and having an EA . You should tell him about this.
Lucky318 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I don't completely agree with everything he just said. It's a part of life to gain attractions to people immediately surrounding you so your not wrong for doing so, also the fact that you miss your significant other and he is also away from his makes it harder to cope as well. I do not think you should cheat. it's unfair and if you were in his spot just think how horrible you would feel. if you realllllly want to pursue him then break things off but it seems that you could just enjoy his company therefore you need to take the flirting, texting, and everything else back a notch and enjoy things about him that make you FRIENDS without crossing lines. just because you dont encounter physical contact doesnt mean you cant have a strong friendship and remain faithful. good luck!
ADF Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 What you can do is put as much distance between yourself and this MM as possible. He has a wife and two children--what the heck are you thinking? The other thing you can do is stop using phrases like, "we ended up" doing X, Y, or Z. That is just dodging responsibility for your actions. Anything that happens will happen because you chose to do it. If I were your BF, I'd want you to tell me what was going on so I could break up with you. Not because you're some kind of horrible person, but because despite the fact you say your current boyfriend is "perfect," he's apparently not good enough for you. You'd much rather have an affair with a married man. You can live your life however you like. But you should be honest with the people you say you care about. They have a right to know what kind of person they are dealing with.
Author orangeorange Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 thanks Lucky318 I needed that. I agree I can still just be really good friends with my co-worker. and thanks JustJoe but things arent always as clear when you're actually IN the situation.
JustJoe Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Orange, I"ve had an affair, so I'm pretty sure of what I'm talking about.
USMCHokie Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 and thanks JustJoe but things arent always as clear when you're actually IN the situation. You're right. They are A LOT clearer when you're a third party looking in. Being in the situation itself, your judgment will always be clouded by your emotions. When you strip away all the emotional bullsh*t from any situation, then you'll find that they are pretty much all identical. I'm with Joe on this one.
USMCHokie Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 A Jarhead agreeing with a Paratrooper, imagine that! Hahah, what's this world coming to...
Bryanp Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 How would you feel if your boyfriend was thinking of wanting to do something with another woman behind your back? I think it says a lot about your character. You say you love your man very much but after only 6 weeks apart you are thinking about and strongly attracted to another married man. What does this say about your relationship with your boyfriend? What does this say about you?
Woggle Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Do your BF a favor and dump him before you break his heart.
sally4sara Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Are you really to be had just for the wanting? The guy has NOTHING to offer you except the opportunity to have another unplanned pregnancy. SO WHAT if he wants to spend some alone time with you? Is that a really uncommon quality for you to find in men? I hope not because it sounds to me like the most common thing going around... Lots of guys will want to spend some alone time with you - do you think its a good idea to oblige them all if they express this desire? That all you need to get your motor running for a guy? You BF - I bet he offers more than just the opportunity to be the train that mows some family down. Please don't get married until you can have enough self respect for yourself and your partner (and the meaning of making marriage vows) to say no to someone who only wants to see you be common with them. Married guy is sour in his life and unless it has been your greatest aspiration to put a momentary pep in some guy's step - I'd advise you find something else to do with your time. At least TRY to be better than this.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 This guy is not your 'really good friend'. He's just another married guy looking to get laid. If you two were truly friends, you wouldn't be trying to sabotage each other's lives in the way that you are considering. No 'good friend' would do something so deeply damaging.
make me believe Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 First of all, ADF is right, you didn't just "end up" texting him, hanging out with him, etc. You CHOSE to do all of those things, and you need to do the right thing now and STOP IT. Why on earth would you start texting a married man anyway? Totally inappropriate, especially given your crush on him. Stop texting him, stop going to parties with him, stop hanging out with him. How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing these things with a female "friend" he was attracted to? This guy is NOT your friend. He is married and has two kids but yet he wants to spend alone time with you. (oh, and of course the kids were unplanned --I'm sure that's what every married guy tells the girl he's trying to fck on the side ) Don't pretend to be innocent. You know EXACTLY what will happen if you spend time alone with him. It is completely ridiculous to think that you two can just be friends. You've already crossed the line, and it seems like you're willing to just keep doing so. Do your BF a favor and set him free if you're not even willing to give up a totally inappropriate "friendship" with a married man for him.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I just want some opinions. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years now, its extremely serious, take it as if we're married. Everything about him is perfect, we match, we have the same interests, we have fun together etc. I had to go away for work, and I've been gone about six weeks, and haven't seen him. I miss him A LOT. Very much. I personally think he's pretty good looking, and he just makes me feel great and we have a good time together. He knows all about my boyfriend and everything. Last weekend we spent some time together and talked through texts etc., and he just said a few things that made it clear he wanted to spend time alone with me. I also want to, I don't know what will happen, but I am attracted to him a little. ok, so you basically think your bf is perfect for you and there are no problems in your relationship. but you feel like cheating for a guy you are only attracted to "a little"?? you are a prime example of someone that doesn't need to be in, or deserves, a committed relationship to a good guy. the very fact that you simply "a little" attracted to him and feel like you want to cheat...well hells bells, what do you think will happen coming across guys you are HIGHLY attracted to? If you feel like cheating with someone you are just mildly attracted to, then break up with your boyfriend and set him free from you. That way he can try to find someone that will be true to him and someone that deserves him. Anyway things happened and we ended up spending the time together but with his gf too. I don't think anything will happen, but I don't want these feelings, I don't want to like him, I feel like a ****ing skank for looking at him like that when I love my man at home. you do NOT love your man at home if you want to cheat with this guy. you can say you do, but you really dont. What can I do about this? again, break up with your bf....he deserves better.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 thanks Lucky318 I needed that. I agree I can still just be really good friends with my co-worker. wrong. you are already basically emotionally cheating with this guy. so being good friends with him is disrespecting your bf behind his back. what would you do if your bf said, "I am attracted to this other girl and we became real close and I have feelings for her....but I'm going to keep her as a really good friend". don't say you'd be fine with it.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I just want some opinions. Anyway things happened and we ended up spending the time together but with his gf too. I don't think anything will happen, but I don't want these feelings, I don't want to like him, I feel like a ****ing skank for looking at him like that when I love my man at home. What can I do about this? He has a girlfriend? Okay ... I don't think you need to be bashed or told that your boyfriend "doesn't deserve" you, etc. Here's my perspective: This is a wake-up call for you. You are not married. Maybe you need to be single now so you are free to explore your attractions to other men. It's time to be honest with YOURSELF and to take full responsibility for your own actions. I do agree with the other poster who said you need to stop using language such as "we ended up," etc. All the interactions you have with this man outside of pure business are your choice and actively participated in by you. Nothing "happened" and nothing is going to "happen;" but you might DO something. If you do not want to be single, then I would not continue associating with this man as a "friend." I'm all for friends of the opposite sex for anyone, but you've already blurred those boundaries and you won't be able to go backwards with full integrity; I don't think that's possible. If you DO want the freedom of being single, PLEASE don't mess around with a married man anyway.
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Wow...and suddenly OP has disappeared off the face of the planet...
LSNoob Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 She prob just missed her man too much that she didn't know how to deal with those emotions. Maybe she really does love her man. Thank god she didn't act on those emotions and nothing happened, now she will learn her lesson and hopefully nothing will happen.
USMCHokie Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 She prob just missed her man too much that she didn't know how to deal with those emotions. Maybe she really does love her man. Thank god she didn't act on those emotions and nothing happened, now she will learn her lesson and hopefully nothing will happen. Eh, a lot of folks come onto LS asking about their problems and hoping to hear what they want to hear. I will cite one of OP's responses: thanks Lucky318 I needed that. I agree I can still just be really good friends with my co-worker. OP just wanted some sort of affirmation that she's doing the right thing by remaining in the EA with the OMM. The moment she hears something she doesn't want to hear (i.e., the vast majority of responders saying that she should break up with her boyfriend and let him be with someone that deserves him and won't cheat on him), she figures that no one on LS knows what they're talking about, lays down a little defense, and then runs for the hills. Let me quote OP again: and thanks JustJoe but things arent always as clear when you're actually IN the situation. When she realizes that she isn't quite the person she thought she was, there's no point in her staying on LS and responding to what she might consider "hostile" posts...oftentimes the truth hurts...
Dexter Morgan Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 He has a girlfriend? Okay ... I don't think you need to be bashed or told that your boyfriend "doesn't deserve" you, etc. no, the bf deserves someone that will be true to him and that deserves him.
jnj express Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Hey OO---If you are telling us the truth in the 1st paragraph of your original post---then I don't see why you are having a problem-----So somewhere, you are not satisfied----If you truly love someone---THERE IS NO ONE ELSE---even if you are apart. As to the other guy----he is a slimeball cheater---cuz that's what he is doing to his spouse,and more importantly to his kids----YOU AS FOR YOUR PART WILL BE BOTH A CHEATER AND A HOMEWRECKER You can't remain friends with your slimy friend, you need to go NC, right NOW---If he tries to keep it going, very plainly tell him, very strongly---you are done with this friendship---he HAS KIDS, and you have a partner---you love---at least you say you love him---yet you want to hurt him----WHAT DO YOU WANT??????????
Spectre Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 If you truly loved your bf then you wouldn't be making topics saying you kind of want to cheat on him. thanks Lucky318 I needed that. I agree I can still just be really good friends with my co-worker. The thing is no you can't. I don't know where you got this silly idea, but if you think it's ok to be friends(especially good friends) with the guy you considered cheating on your boyfriend with? Well, then you have a very warped idea of love and respect. Why do chicks always think it's a good idea to become "good friends" with some other dude when you're in a relationship? It's like you're trying to sabotage it.
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