Chasing a girl vs seeming too available

[TuesGirl]

If you guys have been texting already, I don't see the problem. To echo Zengirl...if I liked the guy, I would just be happy that we're going out again. That being said, a phone call is a little more personal and just in my very currrent situation (between dates 2-3 with a guy I'm really into), I think it's very cute that he calls and sounds kind of nervous. Makes me feel like he might be into me as much as I am into him...

[northstar1]

If there is a big mismatch between two people's schedules, it's going to be a problem.

 

If one partner is a busybody all the time, and the other has nearly every night/weekend open, someone is going to get frustrated.........one by the other's apparent over eagerness and not really keeping themselves that occupied, and and vice versa as it will be a hassle to ever try and fit and plan dates into their packed calendar.

 

There has to be some sort of compromise, or it won't work.

[Feelin Frisky]

If she's really into you, then it's a chase, and if she's not you come across as desperate. She'll let you know pretty early on as brainygirl said by her responses.

 

Also if a guy has his own life sorted and is happy with himself, doesn't need you, but wants you it likely to come across more as a chase... if a guy is needy then it is more likely to come across as desperate.

 

Just my 2 cents, I can't speak for all women - or any others except myself.

 

Ahhhh! But there are two sides to every coin. If the women is really into the man what happen if he decides to bait her into chasing him? It's all a game of domination and submission in the long run of courtship and the best thing one can do is get straight on what he or she is: an assertive (dominant) or a somewhat passive (submissive) type of person. If both are dominants, it won't last. I'm dominant but not domineering so I can't imagine what it's like to speak for couples comprised of two submissives saying "ok, if you want" while that other answer "are you sure?"

 

A dominant male won't "chase" after a very short while. He makes his interest known and then shows his stenghth of self-determination. A female dominant or submissive can respond to that but a dominate female will start competing with the male very soon. I hate that. I'm not here to wage territorial war with my g/f or wife. I do like her to have interests other than me (she should have a life with intersts of her own instead of attuning her feelings to mine as in co-dependence).

[K'aycie]

There really shouldn't be a methology to it.

 

A good/steady pace, will gradually increase over time.

 

In the beginning though, I'd say touch base every couple of days and schedule date 1-2 times per week.

[zengirl]

Ahhhh! But there are two sides to every coin. If the women is really into the man what happen if he decides to bait her into chasing him? It's all a game of domination and submission in the long run of courtship and the best thing one can do is get straight on what he or she is: an assertive (dominant) or a somewhat passive (submissive) type of person. If both are dominants, it won't last. I'm dominant but not domineering so I can't imagine what it's like to speak for couples comprised of two submissives saying "ok, if you want" while that other answer "are you sure?"

 

A dominant male won't "chase" after a very short while. He makes his interest known and then shows his stenghth of self-determination. A female dominant or submissive can respond to that but a dominate female will start competing with the male very soon. I hate that. I'm not here to wage territorial war with my g/f or wife. I do like her to have interests other than me (she should have a life with intersts of her own instead of attuning her feelings to mine as in co-dependence).

 

While I think this formula does apply to some couples, I don't think it applies to all.

 

I think it's really not that hard as all this thread is saying. There is nothing "the chase" will do that is long-term. And, assuming you have a healthy life on your own, aren't too needy (inside--not the way you act; the way you are), and are in a healthy place. . . and you meet someone where the interest is mutual, this is a non-issue.

 

The issue is people try to start relationships before they get healthy, so they layer on all these rules and games.

 

"Don't Act Too Needy" is a page from the game book for people who don't have their own social and internal lives in order. Healthy people aren't that needy when they start dating. There's no need to act.

 

Then, it becomes possible to be cooperative in a relationship, or even early in dating, with give-and-take, rather than one person running the show.

[espec10001]

Women are like fishing. If you catch one who's into you, you gotta reel them in or they'll swim away.

[Star Gazer]

Most women have very busy schedules. If I pick the wrong time, she will say she is not available and the conversation will end.

 

No it won't, not if she's interested. She'll promptly respond with, "I'm not available Saturday, but I can do Tuesday!" Trust me on this.

[northstar1]

Most women have very busy schedules. If I pick the wrong time, she will say she is not available and the conversation will end.

 

I come across as the too available guy. I don't understand why it is such a bad thing.

 

This will tell you all you need to know of her interest level.

 

If you say "How about dinner Wed?" and she says she is busy, the two possible outcomes are:

 

1)She says she is busy and nothing else - her interest level is not great.

 

2)She says she is busy, but counter offers another night - she is looking to make time in her schedule to see you.

 

That pretty much will give you the answer on how much of a priority you are.

 

Don't be afraid to ask for a specific night. She either will make time or not and if not, then it's time to move on.

[TuesGirl]

No it won't, not if she's interested. She'll promptly respond with, "I'm not available Saturday, but I can do Tuesday!" Trust me on this.

 

I 110% agree with this statement