candymoon Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 But it might not ever improve, which would mean she would be facing a debilitated sex life with this man. I wouldn't be in a sexual relationship with a man with ongoing erectile dysfunction. Friends, yes. Lovers, no. Harsh, but I agree. Neither would I. In the end it starts to play on the woman's self esteem too, no matter how hard a woman tries to keep it in mind that it's the guy's issue. In the end, a woman might not feel attractive enough for the man with ED. That it's because of HER. It's not a fact, but how one might feel.
Author iheartlavalamps Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Here's my (the OP's) take on this. . . Sivok: no, we have always used a condom. A few times we got to the point of insertion, and I had to make ourselves stop to get a condom, which just ended everything. I'm thinking of doing something like that, trying to take the focus away from sex itself and make it about something more focused on him. Carhill: I'm with you on this one. My idea with the alternative form of BC was not a permanent one. It was one that would let he and I have sex so that maybe he would become more comfortable with it, and THEN we could try condoms again. But you're right, if there's a sexual problem, it's not HIS problem, it's OUR problem, just like any other problem. WRT any of this, my bf says it's not that he doesn't want to, and that it's not me, it's that he's stressed from work and is physically exhausted even if he's not currently tired. It makes sense, he works 60 and 70 hr weeks. I'm almost positive it's a mix of stress and anxiety. This is a man who works 70 hours a week, at night. Candy: I have no intentions of IUDs, or anything else long term. For one, I'm not looking to avoid pregnancy for more than a couple of years, and if it happens earlier, so be it. For two, I only want a different form until he's used to having sex with me, it's just a temporary solution. And no, he hasn't drank or smoked anything debilitating. And also, I don't believe it's me - because he can't keep his hands off me, and because of comments he makes, because of reactions I get from his body (it's not like he never gets hard, at all). I KNOW it's anxiety. Ruby: In the event that this doesn't get better (which I believe it will based on our pre-sex relationship conversations), I'll do whatever I can to make the situation livable and I'll deal with it. He's an amazing man. I mean, the kind of man they say doesn't exist. And as I've said before, he still tries (and pretty well succeeds at) to keep me satisfied. I just can't seem to do the same for him. Here's my OP take on this, after all this advice: It's anxiety. If I can come up with a temporary, affordable alternative to a condom, I'll try it long enough for him to get his mind around the idea that having sex with me isn't a stressful thing, so he can let go. If I can't, I'm going to stop aiming for sex, and I'm going to take control of sexual encounters and do as one person said, give him lots of head, and do everything I can to make him feel like I can't get enough of him OR his body, in hopes that it boosts his confidence. Either way, there's no way in icy hell I'm going to consider leaving him, because he's an amazing man, and I love him, and because of that there IS a solution. He and I just have to find it. Whew, that was long.
DanielMadr Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 OP, you are the keeper. And I strongly believe that the "problem" is only a temporary bump and you two will doing it like bunnies in no time. Mainly thanks to your attitude and love. There can be deep intimacy even without penetration and it could actually improve your relationship....before you will be dominated by his rock hard manhood and enjoying it all - intimacy and lust
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