SoxPrincess Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Me: Married 12 years ; had 6 month A with a married man. DDay 8/06 ( I confessed to my H). M is in excellent shape, we've worked hard to get where we are & I'm still beyond blessed to have been given another chance. So what's the cautionary tale? I got an email this morning from xMM. Yep, that's right; after almost FOUR years he sent an email. I blocked him long ago from my regular email account, the one he sent an email to is one I use when I make online purchases; sign up at message boards, etc. I had completely forgotten that he knew that email & was quite shocked when I saw his name in my inbox this morning. Before I even opened it, I called my H (who was at work), let him know the situation & asked him how I should proceed. He asked me to read the email to him over the phone, which I did. Basically, the email was a combo of fishing & woe is me. He asked how I was doing, how life was, how my M is & then asked if I still think about our time together. He said he wanted to know because he's been thinking about some stuff we discussed during the A and it has "messed him up". Boo-friggin-hoo. Needless to say, I deleted the email & blocked him; H agreed with that course of action. My reason for posting this is, yeah sometimes you have an A & the MM leaves you high & dry and you never hear from him again. However, when you ALLOW someone into your life like that; don't be surprised if they never completely go away. I guess this is more of a cautionary tale for MWs thinking about having an A or already involved in an A. Even when it ends, even when you work through all the crap, even when you work your M out; sometimes it NEVER goes away and YOU (we, me) allowed it to happen. It's the price I pay.
whichwayisup Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Four years later? Your exOM has balls. Life goes on and yes, he was fishing/hoping to get a reaction out of you. Great that you and your H are close! Good choice to just delete and put him on ignore. Continue to ignore him, any type of reaction will only feed his curosity and add more contact into the mix. Some people just don't know how to let go. I know everyone is different but after FOUR years??
Author SoxPrincess Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 Four years later? Your exOM has balls. Life goes on and yes, he was fishing/hoping to get a reaction out of you. Great that you and your H are close! Good choice to just delete and put him on ignore. Continue to ignore him, any type of reaction will only feed his curosity and add more contact into the mix. Some people just don't know how to let go. I know everyone is different but after FOUR years?? Even though it doesn't matter, I know he's very unhappy in his M. As a condition of their reconciliation, they moved from their home state of over 15 years, to a different state & he resents her. While I haven't spoken to him in 4 years, we have some mutual friends who told me that last year (to which I responded I did not want nor need to know ANY info about him or his M); so in a way, I guess I'm not surprised. I'm SURE he was hoping I'd hop right back on the train but yeah...not happening. My H & I have a beautiful relationship now & it's something like this that hurts the most. To know *I* did this, I brought this into our M; it's what I struggle with most. So all you MW women out there (or even single ones), think. Think long & hard about having an A & WHO you are inviting into your life. It may be fun, hot & heavy for a period of time; but what sticks to you in the long run, it sucks, it hurts & it's BEYOND painful.
silverplanets Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Four years later? Your exOM has balls. Life goes on and yes, he was fishing/hoping to get a reaction out of you. Great that you and your H are close! Good choice to just delete and put him on ignore. Continue to ignore him, any type of reaction will only feed his curosity and add more contact into the mix. Some people just don't know how to let go. I know everyone is different but after FOUR years?? Just speculating, but ... Year 1 - Best behaviour, reconciliation, lots going on to keep them occupied, MM is, one one way, centre of attention ... good for ego Year 2 and 3 - Dealing with fallout of moving to new location .. new people to meet, things like houses to sort etc ... suprising how the months fly by ... lots to do , maybe new job, diy/holidays etc .. MM is kept busy, externally it all looks good, ... again a fair amount of attention on MM ... Year 4 - OK - no more distractions/keep busies now ... normal life and no external validation for MM.ego ... so he goes looking for it ... As I say, just speculating ... I used to see these patterns in xMW .. and it got to be sadly predictable .... The key thing for her was, deep down she measured her worth in the amout of attention (good or bad) that was on her .. so at times of crisis, kiss and make-up etc .. all was good ... because there was a lot of attention on her. Eventually though, life turned back to normal, friends etc would focus back on their own lives and she would be short of validation ... cue contact with me. What I eventually realised, was that even if we were together, she would still be the same ... as soon as she wasn't center stage .. then she'd be looking for that validation. Anyway, digressing there ... back to OP ... SoxP: I like your post because it re-iterates how easy NC is ... just delete and forget. No need to worry about what to say. Just delete on principle - because that is what no contact is. NC is not technically difficult . :) I also love that you blocked/changed your main email address ... in my experience that removes 99% of their contact with you .. as they are too lazy to try anything else. Fishing, fishing, fishing .. it's all just fishing :) Enjoy life and your H Chris
bentnotbroken Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I think it's great you and your H handled that together and put the hammer down on his fishing. Be blessed.
Fight4Me Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I think it's great you and your H handled that together and put the hammer down on his fishing. Be blessed. Amen! I hope struggling BS's read this and see that there is hope. While it was meant to be a cautionary tale, it's also an inspiring one.
Spark1111 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Me: Married 12 years ; had 6 month A with a married man. DDay 8/06 ( I confessed to my H). M is in excellent shape, we've worked hard to get where we are & I'm still beyond blessed to have been given another chance. So what's the cautionary tale? I got an email this morning from xMM. Yep, that's right; after almost FOUR years he sent an email. I blocked him long ago from my regular email account, the one he sent an email to is one I use when I make online purchases; sign up at message boards, etc. I had completely forgotten that he knew that email & was quite shocked when I saw his name in my inbox this morning. Before I even opened it, I called my H (who was at work), let him know the situation & asked him how I should proceed. He asked me to read the email to him over the phone, which I did. Basically, the email was a combo of fishing & woe is me. He asked how I was doing, how life was, how my M is & then asked if I still think about our time together. He said he wanted to know because he's been thinking about some stuff we discussed during the A and it has "messed him up". Boo-friggin-hoo. Needless to say, I deleted the email & blocked him; H agreed with that course of action. My reason for posting this is, yeah sometimes you have an A & the MM leaves you high & dry and you never hear from him again. However, when you ALLOW someone into your life like that; don't be surprised if they never completely go away. I guess this is more of a cautionary tale for MWs thinking about having an A or already involved in an A. Even when it ends, even when you work through all the crap, even when you work your M out; sometimes it NEVER goes away and YOU (we, me) allowed it to happen. It's the price I pay. Sox, good for you and your husband! The xOW came by his office 2.5 years after he established NC, to charm and flirt and fish and mention a new boyfriend, and asked if she was a bad person, and blah, blah, blah. Out of the blue! He, too, told me immediately, and I asked if I could call her. I did. Told her to stay the hell away from us. She was shocked, and angry, and appalled....mostly, I think, because he told me? At any rate, while NC is paramount to re-establishing the marital relationship, this ploy of her's completely backfired. Why? He saw her without his affair goggles, and all that was left was....nothing, absolutely nothing.
Silly_Girl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I have an ex who contacts me whenever he and his gf have split, which sadly is quite frequent. Is it possible he's found himself on his lonesome? Even so, 4 yrs is pretty extreme. Cheeky beggar!
Mimolicious Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Oh whoa! The audacity! I have one of those xbf that reappears every 10yrs. Phantom Loser! I actually admire you for learnign from your mishaps, for considering and including your H. Wish you well!
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