chapter44 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 First let me apologize for the length of this post. I would appreciate any comments or others insight into my situation. It has been 2 months since my break up with my fiancee. I loved her dearly and was very close to her family. In fact her step dad is still my business partner. Our relationship ended because I realized she was not good for me and I still know that to be true. I was willing to work through our difficulties until I walked in the home that we shared for a year and half and found her on the sofa with another man. I left that day, self respect in tact, and have not contacted her since. I feel a sense of comfort in the fact that I was good to her and I am grateful for the time we spent together. I never thought I could love someone again after my marriage failed and she proved me wrong. My problem is this - it's been almost two months with zero contact I have done all the things I know to do. Focused on myself, working out like a maniac, spending time with friends even dating here and there but no matter what I do I still think of her everyday. Sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming especially on long weekends and holidays. I have no family and a limited support system so this is my only real outlet. Secondly my relationship with her family is still in tact. I love them and believe they feel the same way about me. We never discuss her or the reason things fell apart (I believe that should remain between her and I). Others have told me that I need to distance myself from them if I want to truly heal and move on. The problem is that depend on me financially and because of my feelings for them I cannot bring myself to cause them that kind of hardship. Also I still have the engagement and wedding ring I bought her and cannot bear the thought of getting rid of it. I still have this fantasy that one day she will come back and realize that I am the man for her - I know crazy isn't it? In my mind I know I deserve better. Someone who respects me and gives as much as they take in a relationship. So my question to all of you is am I normal in the way I feel. Why does my heart ache so badly for someone I know is not good for me? Thanks for reading my post any insight would be appreciated. I guess I just want to know that what I am feeling is somewhere normal:)
skydiveaddict Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Your heart aches for her cause you're still in love w/her Good lord do I know how you feel. You're doing great on the NC. keep it together and ggod luck to ya
westrock Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I still have this fantasy that one day she will come back and realize that I am the man for her - I know crazy isn't it? Is that your fantasy or is that what you want in your heart? It's not crazy, but if that's what you want, then maybe the first step would be for you to come back and realize she is the woman for you despite all her issues and heartache she has put you through.
ethenmorsn86 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 No, you are not crazy in fact you are still in love with her. You are too much anxious about her. I think you should consult with some relationship conselor otherwise you can go in depression. I know that you are doing at your level best but you still need to consult with someone. __________ non prescription Xanax
DenverBachelor Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I don't think you are crazy but you should want to come back to your true self before worrying about some other person coming back to you. In your heart, you want her to acknowledge a mistake but the truth is that perhaps she didn't make a mistake. At the same time, it doesn't make you any less of a man. Some people are just not compatible long-term.
mickleb Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 The part that concerns me, c44, is her family's reliance on you. I do think it would help for you to find other work. It certainly makes it harder when you have them around you as constant reminders. I think it's extremely dignified of you not to share the reasons of your break-up but, in this situation with her family, I think that probably exacerbates the tension around you, at this time. Sometimes, against our nature, we need to be selfish. Horrible word but, simply, the best thing to do, at times. Couldn't you be involved financially in this project but from afar? Or find someone to replace your investment? I suspect your ex will one day explain what happened. When they become aware, I am sure they will completely understand your need to step away from them. You did do the right thing. It was a strong act, on your part and you sound like a strong individual. Maybe just a tad too strong? Please try to reconnect with your family and previous support network. Consider moving, if you need to, although technology today means you don't necessarily have to do this. You have been wronged and only you can make your life right again. You must do what you need to. Sorry you're in such a tough position. Take care. x
northstar1 Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 It's not crazy. You miss what the relationship provided you, companionship, affection, being the center of someone's world. So naturally, when that is yanked away, you want it back. Even if rationally your ex was not a good partner or a good person in the end. It just takes time to undo all those connections and find yourself as a single person. I understand the loneliness - weekends are really tough for me at times, when I was used to spending it with my ex. But I've been finding ways to keep busy just not to sit around and mope. You might want to explore ways to detach from her family workwise. Otherwise, it will be a constant reminder. You'll be alright man, it just takes time.
Author chapter44 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 I appreciate all your comments and insights. I have no intention of contacting her despite my lingering feelings. I know that for me it is very difficult to let go of someone that I love. I hope that time will cure any remaining pain. I just wanted others opinions to insure I wasn't in need of prescription drugs.
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