iwanttolive Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Hi LS, I'm engaged to a wonderful man. He never failed to support me when I'm down, never failed to notice when I'm down, always knows the right thing to say to make me feel better, never put me down, always encouraging me to go after my dream. But I'm freaking out right now. I feel like bailing out of my engagement, get my own house, a dog, farmstaying overseas, etc. I'm also imagining a wonderful life being single. Am I out of my mind to give up such a guy? Moreover, I was not happy last time being single. I imagined a lonely life without anyone on my deathbed. Now I finally got what I want and I'm freaking out?? What's wrong with me? Anyone experience this before? Does it mean we're not compatible? Just how do u decide that the guy ur marrying is the one? What's going on in my mind now??
Woggle Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Break it off now before you break his heart down the road.
You Go Girl Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 You're thinking these things because you're not ready to limit your choices in life by being married. Wonderful men can come into your life. That doesn't mean you are ready for marriage. It doesn't mean that if you don't marry them you are a bad bad person either. It means that you enjoy and love them. What do you want? Where do you want to be in life in a few years? Would you like life to surprise you? Do you want adventure? I don't think that everybody who considers not getting married is BAD. I think there's so many things to go after in life--so many things to discover. You're not bad or weak because you want to experience life without having to answer to somebody else's wants that could stop you from adventure. So is it cold feet, or do you really want to run off into the sunset and see what life brings to you?
LittleTiger Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 iwanttolive, you have posted several different threads, in different sections of LS, over the past few weeks about your dissatisfaction with this relationship, problems with your sex life, being envious of other women's lives and your interest in another man. You are clearly not ready to settle down and certainly not with this man, however wonderful he is. Marriage is difficult enough when everything starts off rosy. When one of the prospective spouses is this confused and unhappy with both themselves and the relationship, it doesn't stand a chance. Have you considered individual therapy to help address your personal issues? I'm sure it would help you to clarify exactly what it is that you want from life. Your fiance deserves better than to be used as a crutch for your insecurities. Set him free and get yourself and your life in order before you even consider getting involved in another serious relationship.
Author iwanttolive Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Thank you all. I'm skeptical about theraphy but I think I've exhausted all other means and myself. I've had many bad relationships in the past, abused, dumped, put down. Even when I was single I constantly worried about loneliness to the extent of no one would know I die and my body will be discovered when it decomposes. Then I meet this wonderful man and I'm now exploring the option of going back to my dark past. I'm scared, truly scared. I'm the only child, living alone abroad. Sometimes thinking of these things without any solutions make me wanna die.
You Go Girl Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Thank you all. I'm skeptical about theraphy but I think I've exhausted all other means and myself. I've had many bad relationships in the past, abused, dumped, put down. Even when I was single I constantly worried about loneliness to the extent of no one would know I die and my body will be discovered when it decomposes. Then I meet this wonderful man and I'm now exploring the option of going back to my dark past. I'm scared, truly scared. I'm the only child, living alone abroad. Sometimes thinking of these things without any solutions make me wanna die. Well, people shouldn't get married just because the potential spouse doesn't put them down or abuse them. They shouldn't get married because they are afraid that if they die they will rot for a few days. These are not reasons to get married. You are scared of being yourself, alone, defined only by your own behavior, without someone to lean on. Not having a support system. I think this may be your biggest problem. You need good friends, groups, religious or otherwise, and a support system that makes you feel that you are not alone in this world if you don't have a man to rely on. Marrying out of fear will end in divorce, and just as importantly, you will be weak because you didn't stand on your own two feet, but married for security. Then you will divorce when you feel secure in yourself. It's wrong because it's using someone as a security blanket. Years will go by while you build your courage to live independently. Why not just find that courage now, and save yourself and him a lot of grief? And your path to security, confidence, and courage will be all the quicker without wasted years.
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