BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 when is was with my ex, the thought of not being with him made me feel like i would die. he had commitment issues, and if we would have a disagreement (not even an argument) he would think of bolting. he admitted this was a problem he has always had and it was something he was working on. needless to say when he would want to leave it killed me inside. i had never loved someone this much, had such strong feelings, had such a connection with another person. i thought if he actually left i would crawl up into a hole and die. obviously this wasn't healthy thinking but i loved him so much i couldn't imagine life without him. when he finally gave into his fears and left for real, it crushed me. it still does. but i decided i wouldn't let him ruin me. i am trying to stay strong and am determined to learn from this a be a better, stronger person in the end. even though i am doing SO MUCH BETTER than i thought i would i still feel angry at myself i miss him. we were together almost a year, ended up living together, had plans to be together forever. i didn't think he would REALLY leave, but i was in denial of his commitment phobia. it's only been a little over a month and i'm constantly thinking about him. i wake up every morning sad he's not there and he won't be coming home to me. i am able to see all the bad things about him, the reasons i am better off without him in the long run, even that he wasn't the man i fell in love with bc that man doesn't exist. my heart cannot match up with my mind. no matter how much i tell myself i'm better off this way and fill my head with the bad things, i still love him. i still miss him. this makes me so angry at myself. i guess i should be more realistic about the grieving process but i am tired of feeling so sad. i wish it were as easy to fall out of love as it was to fall in....
skydiveaddict Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I know how you feel right now. But you will get over him, there is someome out there just for you and you will find him. You're doing very very well. keep it up, and good times will be ahead for you
Author BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 thank you! your encouragement gives me more hope it will get better in time
GrayClouds Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 It usually takes 3 months the brain chemicals that go into overdrive to work their way so somewhere normal. So even if your doing all the right things, it takes a bit for the physiological effect of a break-up to catch up to you. So be kind to yourself, make sure your eating well, exercising and journaling your thoughts with pen and paper, they will help.
Author BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 thanks for the info gray clouds... makes sense as to why not matter what i say to myself, or how i try to change my thoughts, or how much i focus on the negative it isn't helping. so i will keep doing all the good things i can and hopefully in a few months i can look back on this at be proud of how far i've come
GrayClouds Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 thanks for the info gray clouds... makes sense as to why not matter what i say to myself, or how i try to change my thoughts, or how much i focus on the negative it isn't helping. so i will keep doing all the good things i can and hopefully in a few months i can look back on this at be proud of how far i've come You should already be proud, you have already made great progress.
Author BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 thank you! i keep forgetting that i am doing so much better than i ever imagined and that i should be proud. i think that if i think about my ex or miss him i am not doing well. but the fact that i am getting up and living everyday, and trying to learn and become a better person is a real accomplishment. i am so glad i found LS because it is helping me heal <3
This Hurts Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 One word: time. I would say the vast majority of us on here are lacking patience. Including myself I know how you feel. I'm tired of feeling sad, too.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I think we all feel a bit impatient with ourselves but really you need to be loving and caring and proud of yourself. I used to find myself saying out loud like a crazy woman 'its okay, you'll be alright, i'm proud of you.' It helped me. I have learnt a lot of love for myself through this. You have to be there for yourself. Split yourself into you. There's the suffering part of you, and the stronger part of you, one part of you is the clueless, lost child and the other is the healing adult who can make it all better. These things helped me a lot and made me not feel so alone. Its as 'easy' or 'difficult' as we make it really. Sometimes when it felt easy I almost felt guilty...I wasn't sure I should even be moving on. But you just have to. Feel proud for every step you take, even if you take a step back...don't beat yourself up about it. Each step is slow and hard at first, but soon you're running.
Author BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 I think we all feel a bit impatient with ourselves but really you need to be loving and caring and proud of yourself. I used to find myself saying out loud like a crazy woman 'its okay, you'll be alright, i'm proud of you.' It helped me. I have learnt a lot of love for myself through this. You have to be there for yourself. Split yourself into you. There's the suffering part of you, and the stronger part of you, one part of you is the clueless, lost child and the other is the healing adult who can make it all better. These things helped me a lot and made me not feel so alone. Its as 'easy' or 'difficult' as we make it really. Sometimes when it felt easy I almost felt guilty...I wasn't sure I should even be moving on. But you just have to. Feel proud for every step you take, even if you take a step back...don't beat yourself up about it. Each step is slow and hard at first, but soon you're running. thank you for your support. i am so tired of being sad but it is a long process i guess. i don't know why i am not being as patient with myself as i should be! i know i should be proud for everyday i make it through. it's just the fact that i can't make myself fall out of love that is bothering me. it's a silly concept to think i can just undo these feelings i've had for a year in a month. i really just want the pain to stop! i will be taking your advice and the advice of others and be proud of every bit of progress i make. it's time for me to be nicer to myself!!!
FearandLoathing Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 I've read a lot of your posts and you've made so much progress and have been doing so well! In fact, reading your posts has even helped me along with my problems! So thank you for that, and be patient and try not to think about it too much It'll go away in time
Author BetterOffWithoutYou Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 I've read a lot of your posts and you've made so much progress and have been doing so well! In fact, reading your posts has even helped me along with my problems! So thank you for that, and be patient and try not to think about it too much It'll go away in time awww that is so sweet. you really made my day! as much as it helps me, i am glad that me just venting can help other people
GrayClouds Posted June 4, 2010 Posted June 4, 2010 Originally Posted by FearandLoathing In fact, reading your posts has even helped me along with my problems! awww that is so sweet. you really made my day! as much as it helps me, i am glad that me just venting can help other people This just shows by working hard at growing, finding happiness, and learning to love yourself you are giving one of greatest gifts you can give to other people. Selfishness is holding on to our pain and hurt, selflessness is having the courage to grow. As we do the hard work to better ourselves, we are bettering the world.
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