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So much of meeting the right person is due to luck, and luck is not with me

SadandConfusedWA

By SadandConfusedWA
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rewe4reel Established Member

rewe4reel

Posted
Posted
so you're saying that at age 35 a woman suddenly loses all desirability? sorry but i dont believe that. i suppose that makes me over the hill at 25?

 

It's hard to give birth and raise children in the late thirties and beyond.

 

I know because my wife and got married in our early 30's and didn't start having kids until her late 30's.

 

If you get married at 35, even if you decide to start having kids right away, maybe it'll take a couple of years to get pregnant and give birth, so then you're 40 chasing a two year old around. If you have multiple children it gets that much harder.

 

In your case your 25, not 35. You're at the perfect man-catching age. You should spend the next 2-3 years really thinking about your views towards child rearing, if you want to have kids (if you don't it doesn't much matter what you do).

 

If you find a "keeper" then don't put him in the discard pile cause you think there might be someone marginally better out there. Marry him. If you keep jumping from man to man looking for the next best thing, then the next thing you'll know you'll be in OP's shoes, looking at her 30's with no prospects in sight.

holiday Member

holiday

Posted
Posted

Hi SaCWa,

 

I’m right there with you. I don’t know about luck, but I agree that there are VERY few single men out there over (and under) a certain age. I think it just has to do with numbers vs luck—there simply aren’t many singles our age. I’m 31 as well and have met very few single men my age in the past several years (that goes for quality guys and losers. I haven’t really met any my age!) When I go out I get hit on by 23 year olds and 53 year olds. And married guys—seriously, my friends joke that I’m a magnet for married men. Not interested in any of these.

 

Thinking about the people in relationships I know, it seems they mostly met their significant others by the age of 26 (not scientific, just my observation). Or at least one of them was 26 or under—I have a good friend who’s 25. Her BF of two years is 36. That seems to be another issue—men in their mid 30’s will date (and often seem to want to date) women 10 or more years younger, whereas most women do not. I know I’m not looking for a 21 year old!

 

I recently met a 48 year woman at a restaurant bar who told me there were lots of single men her age. She said she dated all the time. And sure enough, as I was leaving I saw a group of older men (50’s) all over her! We just have to wait for the new wave of divorced men:) Apparently, in our 40’s the men will be fighting over us. And who on the board said older women aren’t a marketable commodity?

 

I make jokes, but it’s pretty depressing:( I’m starting to think I will never get married or have children. Think I’ll open a bottle of wine now and make conversation with my dog.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted (edited)

Wrong thread :(

Edited by somedude81
Mr White Established Member

Mr White

Posted
Posted
OK.

 

Here is the situation--at your age, most likely you are going to be looking for guys in the 30-35, maybe 37, age range. Guys much younger than 30 will not likely be looking to settle down; guys much older than 37 will be too old for you.

 

Unfortunately, virtually every decent guy you meet in his early to mid 30's will either be "taken" or have significant "baggage"--divorced, perhaps with kids, or psychological issues which have prevented him from previously getting involved in a serious long term relationship. Or maybe he was but got cheated on/dumped and is dealing with the fallout of that.

 

You want someone with a good job, heterosexual, no criminal record, a future, not some dirtbag, right?

 

Well as you're finding out, by that age, the good ones ARE all "taken."

 

Why wouldn't they be?

 

This means you need to be looking at 1) guys who are divorced, perhaps with kids; and/or 2) guys who might strike you as extremely shy or socially withdrawn--IOW guys who you will have to be reasonably patient and perhaps even aggressive in pursuing, because the reason that they haven't been taken is not because there's anything "wrong" with them, other than lack of skill/courage at chasing women. The can be tricky as you don't want to end up with someone who's actually weird, or at least not too weird. But they will be guys who have been hurt by women and are gunshy, and you need to be ready for that. They'll be fine in other ways but they might have some real trouble emotionally connecting with you, at least in the initial phases.

 

To you, this might seem like "settling." But "settling" is what all women in your position HAVE to do. And the longer it takes you to make your mind up to do it, the harder it will get.

 

Your time is very limited. Your shelf-life as a marketable commodity even to second tier eligible males in the target age range is maybe another 2-3 years.

 

Get going.

 

 

That's slightly cynical... but... describes me and my group of male friends (ages 31 to 37) to a T. Not 1 is single, and the 1 who was single (me) was due so due to being dumped after 5 yr relationship. I met a great, great girl only 4 months later, but, and it i a big BUT, the only reason we are still together is precisely that she was patient enough and willing, to endure the "fallout" from that break-up that still lingered at the time I met her.

Mr White Established Member

Mr White

Posted
Posted (edited)
so you're saying that at age 35 a woman suddenly loses all desirability? sorry but i dont believe that. i suppose that makes me over the hill at 25?

 

Certainly not... But... there is just something psychologically important in the perception of age "35 y/o" - just like there are psychologically important tresholds in the financial markets (e.g. DOW 10,000).

 

Also, rationally speaking, say you are a single 35-37 old guy; you meet a 35 y/o girl and you click great. Even if there are no snags of any kind, statistically speaking we are still talking about 2 years from 1st date to marriage. If family is a priority, at that point there are a variety of health implications that become relevant. Not fair, but this is out there...

Edited by Mr White
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Women at any age can be desirable but I will admit that many men in their 30s and 40s who are still single have some serious emotional baggage from their experiences.

Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
Posted
I don't get out much due to working long hours. Yet, I still meet lots of people through work and at work functions. Lots of these people are men and are not really my co-workers (they work at different companies or buildings).

 

Last night, at one such dinner, I got talking to a cute guy around my age. We were getting along well but when I asked him why he moved to city X he told me that it's because he met a girl and and they had a LDR for a while and she is now his wife :rolleyes:

 

I can't even begin to tell you how many time this has happened. Would it really be so much trouble for FATE to throw one, just one decent single guy my way?

 

Meeting men through online dating, singles clubs or other contrived settings never worked for me.

 

I am truly begining to beleive that meeting the right person is SO much to do with luck and it is not meant to happen to me. I am really fed up.

 

You need to stop looking for "the right person" that one perfect guy. Prince Charming isn't real. Relationships are about compromise; you have to accept the good and the bad. When two people can look past each other's flaws, that's when true love happens.

jack5100nv Member

jack5100nv

Posted
Posted

I can't even begin to tell you how many time this has happened. Would it really be so much trouble for FATE to throw one, just one decent single guy my way?

 

I am a decent single guy. I would like to take you out on a date. How about dinner next weekend? Wherever you are, let me know, I will fly there.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Good play. I ran off two LS'ers with that offer and it wasn't even for 'a date'. They don't post any more. Guess they didn't want to try their luck ;)

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Women at any age can be desirable but I will admit that many men in their 30s and 40s who are still single have some serious emotional baggage from their experiences.

i would agree, i myself have more "baggage" than London Heathrow

CandyGirlXO Established Member

CandyGirlXO

Posted
Posted
I am a decent single guy. I would like to take you out on a date. How about dinner next weekend? Wherever you are, let me know, I will fly there.

 

HAHAHA!!

 

No I agree 100%! So much of it has to do with luck. And I hated being the only single person during family events/work etc... And people treat you like something MUST be wrong with you.

 

I have to hear it almost every single day at work from older women coworkers telling me that I'm not getting any younger and that I'm going to

end up alone.

 

I'm 27 now and I told myself that if I'm 30 and still single I'm going to try dating websites. So MAYBE give that a try.

 

See I'm sorta picky. I've never been married and I have no children and I have a college degree. So I'm looking for a guy that doesn't have kids, has never been married, has a decent job. I mean nothing great or anything but he can't be working at mcdonalds unless of course he got laid off or something. In this economy you never know.

 

But other than that I don't think that I'm asking for too much. I also get hit

on my guys a lot younger than me or older men who are married like that other girl said. It's true most of the good ones are taken.

 

I personally see/know so many beautiful intelligent woman who are great catches still single. Unfortunately I can't say the same about guys.

 

Good luck to us all.

jack5100nv Member

jack5100nv

Posted
Posted
HAHAHA!!

 

No I agree 100%! So much of it has to do with luck. And I hated being the only single person during family events/work etc... And people treat you like something MUST be wrong with you.

 

I have to hear it almost every single day at work from older women coworkers telling me that I'm not getting any younger and that I'm going to

end up alone.

 

I'm 27 now and I told myself that if I'm 30 and still single I'm going to try dating websites. So MAYBE give that a try.

 

See I'm sorta picky. I've never been married and I have no children and I have a college degree. So I'm looking for a guy that doesn't have kids, has never been married, has a decent job. I mean nothing great or anything but he can't be working at mcdonalds unless of course he got laid off or something. In this economy you never know.

 

But other than that I don't think that I'm asking for too much. I also get hit

on my guys a lot younger than me or older men who are married like that other girl said. It's true most of the good ones are taken.

 

I personally see/know so many beautiful intelligent woman who are great catches still single. Unfortunately I can't say the same about guys.

 

Good luck to us all.

 

 

I am 27. I have a master's degree. I am working as a software engineer. I have no kids. I too am looking for the right person. I tried eharmony but every single person there had something crazily wrong with them, most socially awkward. That's why they are online I guess. If you want to chat sometime, i will give u my jag1500(at)gmail.com if u feel like chatting with me.

 

Mostly, people are single because they too much expectations or they have something wrong with them. I think you have too much expectations.

 

Do you prefer certain ethnicity? Don't be shy to share, we are all friends here.

Morals Established Member

Morals

Posted
Posted
Good play. I ran off two LS'ers with that offer and it wasn't even for 'a date'. They don't post any more. Guess they didn't want to try their luck ;)

 

This statement, for some reason reminds me of the situations where a guy, such as myself or Carhill, might have females that he "trusts".

 

I find it ironic that women say something like "You don't have a good girl yet? Sorry to hear that. You just haven't met the right person, I'm sure you will meet someone that is perfect for you!" or worse yet the dreaded bad date conversation....

 

"She didn't call back? Whatever, don't worry about her. She isn't worth your time anyways, you are much better off without her. You deserve better".

 

All this coming from girls who are single themselves.

 

I find it a bit ironic, because if "you" are such a catch, then why are these single girls not hitting on you? ;)

 

I realize the reasoning behind why they aren't, but I find the statements somewhat of an empty gesture, even if the nature behind the words is meant to encourage you.

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SadandConfusedWA Established Member

SadandConfusedWA

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I am 27. I have a master's degree. I am working as a software engineer. I have no kids. I too am looking for the right person. I tried eharmony but every single person there had something crazily wrong with them, most socially awkward. That's why they are online I guess. If you want to chat sometime, i will give u my jag1500(at)gmail.com if u feel like chatting with me.

 

Mostly, people are single because they too much expectations or they have something wrong with them. I think you have too much expectations.

 

Do you prefer certain ethnicity? Don't be shy to share, we are all friends here.

 

I would take you up on your offer if I lived in US but I don't. Would you be game enough to post a photo?

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