So much of meeting the right person is due to luck, and luck is not with me

June 2, 2010

Hey, SAC. I totally get where you're coming from. I know it's a cliche, but I'm constantly noticing how all the halfway decent guys are snatched up. Sometimes it seems as if there isn't a single, desirable unattached guy on earth. It's like they all have a ready harem of women waiting in the wings to fill in vacant girlfriend slots. I don't know what to tell you.

June 2, 2010

Hey, SAC. I totally get where you're coming from. I know it's a cliche, but I'm constantly noticing how all the halfway decent guys are snatched up. Sometimes it seems as if there isn't a single, desirable unattached guy on earth. It's like they all have a ready harem of women waiting in the wings to fill in vacant girlfriend slots. I don't know what to tell you.

That couldn't be further than the truth. Don't lie to yourself and everybody else saying that you are looking for a halfway decent man.

I'm a two thirds decent man and I've been chronically single

June 2, 2010

Hey, SAC. I totally get where you're coming from. I know it's a cliche, but I'm constantly noticing how all the halfway decent guys are snatched up. Sometimes it seems as if there isn't a single, desirable unattached guy on earth. It's like they all have a ready harem of women waiting in the wings to fill in vacant girlfriend slots. I don't know what to tell you.

Not the case, unless you add must make six figures and be great looking and has travelled the world, etc.

June 2, 2010

I think if a woman can't find a man she either is doing something to drive them away or wants to be single which is okay but don't blame men for your choices.

Replace men with women and the same can easily be said to all the bitter men here.

June 2, 2010

That couldn't be further than the truth. Don't lie to yourself and everybody else saying that you are looking for a halfway decent man.

I'm a two thirds decent man and I've been chronically single

you've also stated you don't want a LTR but to just casually date. Puts you out of the running.

June 2, 2010

To you, this might seem like "settling." But "settling" is what all women in your position HAVE to do. And the longer it takes you to make your mind up to do it, the harder it will get.

Your time is very limited. Your shelf-life as a marketable commodity even to second tier eligible males in the target age range is maybe another 2-3 years.

Get going.[/QUOTE]

This sort of thing is not helping. There might be some truth to it but I won't settle. Ever. I don't mind shy men or divorced men with kids. So far, I have met none of those. It's not like I am even rejecting males that don't fit my criteria. Even if I had no criteria, there would still be noone interested in anything past FWB and sex. Maybe it IS me, and I am internally defective and impossible to love, and decent men somehow sense that and stay away.

Extrernally, I take extremly good care of myself. Sure I am about 20lbs over the ideal and am 5'9" and size 10, but I also have small waist, big boobs and a hourglass figure with weight well distributed. I have a pretty face too so I don't beleive that 20lbs is why I am single. I see obese women with boyfriends all the time.

June 2, 2010

you've also stated you don't want a LTR but to just casually date. Puts you out of the running.

When a guy firsts asks out a girl, has she already decided that if they get together it's going to be a LTR? Also she automatically knows what the guy wants?

I think if a woman can't find a man she either is doing something to drive them away or wants to be single which is okay but don't blame men for your choices.

Replace men with women and the same can easily be said to all the bitter men here.

Couldn't be further from the truth.

It is so much harder for a man to land a date than it is for a woman. Men have to work so much harder. There just isn't any comparison.

I'd just add to Woggle's comment by saying that she may also have trouble finding a man who meets every single one of her requirements. Women are much more picky than men when it comes to finding mates. Though some women end up having odd tastes and go for bad boys who'll do nothing but disrespect her. That' doesn't change the fact that she probably passed over a bunch of other guys who 'weren't good enough for her.'

June 2, 2010

Chin up. You'll find the right one.

June 2, 2010

There might be some truth to it but I won't settle. Ever.

Oh my! You're a brave one!

You are right about one thing: Luck. The more I observe the games played and connections made in the dating scene, the more I realize it's mostly just sheer luck landing the right man.

I don't know what to tell you. I find it, most of the time, extremely difficult to come across a decent man -let alone one that is beyond great. ALL the good ones are taken. Period.

It's either settle or do single for life with the chance of adoption. I've thought of this before. Yet, too chicken to put it into action. Sigh.

Cheer up! Hopefully you will find a man that is perfect for you!

June 2, 2010

I'd just add to Woggle's comment by saying that she may also have trouble finding a man who meets every single one of her requirements. Women are much more picky than men when it comes to finding mates. Though some women end up having odd tastes and go for bad boys who'll do nothing but disrespect her. That' doesn't change the fact that she probably passed over a bunch of other guys who 'weren't good enough for her.'

Nothing wrong with being picky. The problem in the dating world is the amount of individuals who are far from picky.

Guys picking a mate based on looks alone, or at least for the most part can lead to disaster as well.

June 2, 2010

I think I will adopt or have an IVF if I am still single at 35. I just do not see a way out of this. Even the shyest of men are snagged up early if they are remotely intelligent and cute. Even divorced men with 5 kids have tons of females waiting to pounce if they are even remotely intelligent and cute.

June 2, 2010

'remotely intelligent and cute'...... if ever there was a loaded description, that's it

June 2, 2010

'remotely intelligent and cute'...... if ever there was a loaded description, that's it

I feel that I have a lot to offer myself. I am remotely intelligent (I have a PhD in math FFS!) and I am above average looking. I don't think it is unreasonable at all to ask the same of a future partner. I am willing to accept baggage, ex-w, kids, big age difference.

June 2, 2010

I would say that I am good looking but not extremly good looking.

June 2, 2010

Even if you're average looking and female, if you live in 21st century America the sky is the limit. You are essentially a kid in a candy store considering the insanely skewed ratio of men to women on online dating, singles events, even at any social event in general such as house parties or bars. The only problem I foresee however is the type of man you're holding out for might not be interested in a relationship , but only in casual flings.

You are very much mistaken. My standards are pretty low and in the last couple of years I haven't met one man who meets them and is single.

June 2, 2010

I would say that I am good looking but not extremly good looking.

What I meant by my prior comment was that such descriptors are decidedly very individualistic and, historically, IME, a function of the woman's sexual and emotional bond with the man, irrespective of any meaningful qualification.

I flunked calculus, BTW

Stbx has a really close girlfriend whom you remind me of. 5'9", blond, knockout gorgeous and her exH cheated on her multiple times and guys just want to f*ck her but aren't interested in a relationship. The kicker is she's mid - 40's and still a head-turner but always lamented the unhealthy end of a 20+ year marriage and that guys don't see her as serious R material, even though she's a great mom, has her caring/loving moments and is a licensed nurse. Those experiences have made her into a bit of a ballbuster, not that I blame her. That combination comes across to me (and did during our M) as 'unfeminine' so I would objectively comment like I did above but 'feel' nothing like a man would typically feel about such an attractive woman.

Tell me, do you hide your vulnerable side really well?

June 2, 2010

What I meant by my prior comment was that such descriptors are decidedly very individualistic and, historically, IME, a function of the woman's sexual and emotional bond with the man, irrespective of any meaningful qualification.

I flunked calculus, BTW

Stbx has a really close girlfriend whom you remind me of. 5'9", blond, knockout gorgeous and her exH cheated on her multiple times and guys just want to f*ck her but aren't interested in a relationship. The kicker is she's mid - 40's and still a head-turner but always lamented the unhealthy end of a 20+ year marriage and that guys don't see her as serious R material, even though she's a great mom, has her caring/loving moments and is a licensed nurse. Those experiences have made her into a bit of a ballbuster, not that I blame her. That combination comes across to me (and did during our M) as 'unfeminine' so I would objectively comment like I did above but 'feel' nothing like a man would typically feel about such an attractive woman.

Tell me, do you hide your vulnerable side really well?

Bolded is very much true. Flunked calculus or not, you come across as very intelligent and your posts have convinced me not to discount men on the basis of lack of a formal education.

As for vulnerable, I try to hide it the best that I can because I was hurt so much. I generally put men down in a joking way rather than compliment them. In fact, the more I like the guy, the more I "neg" him although this is all done on a subocncious level. I can also be pretty blunt...there must be something about me that is seriously putting men off.

June 2, 2010

To you, this might seem like "settling." But "settling" is what all women in your position HAVE to do. And the longer it takes you to make your mind up to do it, the harder it will get.

Your time is very limited. Your shelf-life as a marketable commodity even to second tier eligible males in the target age range is maybe another 2-3 years.

Get going.[/QUOTE]

This sort of thing is not helping. There might be some truth to it but I won't settle. Ever. I don't mind shy men or divorced men with kids. So far, I have met none of those. It's not like I am even rejecting males that don't fit my criteria. Even if I had no criteria, there would still be noone interested in anything past FWB and sex. Maybe it IS me, and I am internally defective and impossible to love, and decent men somehow sense that and stay away.

Extrernally, I take extremly good care of myself. Sure I am about 20lbs over the ideal and am 5'9" and size 10, but I also have small waist, big boobs and a hourglass figure with weight well distributed. I have a pretty face too so I don't beleive that 20lbs is why I am single. I see obese women with boyfriends all the time.

I feel your frustration because I'm in the same boat. I'm also 31, single, never married, childless, and educated (lawyer). I work out a great deal (size 4-6), am considered attractive, and look about 5 years younger.

In all seriousness, it is extremely easy to pick up men, but you have to admit that you have no interest in those particular guys. You say that your standards are low, and objectively it appears that is so, but it isn't. I'm sure that you seek a man who is your equivalent in non physical traits such as maturity, intelligence, education, emotionally/marital availability and professional background. That is the problem. Those guys are usually snatched up by women with more youthful appeal. And there are much more women with our status going after an ever smaller pool of men who possess these traits we think we have ourselves.

It sucks. I'm going to go and get a cat.

June 2, 2010

In all seriousness, it is extremely easy to pick up men, but you have to admit that you have no interest in those particular guys. You say that your standards are low, and objectively it appears that is so, but it isn't. I'm sure that you seek a man who is your equivalent in non physical traits such as maturity, intelligence, education, emotionally/marital availability and professional background. That is the problem. Those guys are usually snatched up by women with more youthful appeal. And there are much more women with our status going after an ever smaller pool of men who possess these traits we think we have ourselves.

It sucks. I'm going to go and get a cat.

It is true, I am seeking that. I guess it's hard for me to see why I can't find those things when I have all those qualities myself. Why should I have to settle for someone that is way below me?

I like cats

June 2, 2010

It is true, I am seeking that. I guess it's hard for me to see why I can't find those things when I have all those qualities myself. Why should I have to settle for someone that is way below me?

I like cats
"All the good ones are taken" is the biggest lie in dating.

The highlited is a dangerous way to think. You may "click" with someone who makes less money or has less education or less of something. Trust me, he will have more of something else. If you won't give him a date or two you will never know. You are not ugly or have poor soical skills so stop crying and start doing.

June 2, 2010

I generally put men down in a joking way rather than compliment them. In fact, the more I like the guy, the more I "neg" him although this is all done on a subconcious level. I can also be pretty blunt...there must be something about me that is seriously putting men off.

That sounds really familiar. From a guy's perspective, it's like observing a battle of perception between the physical and the aural. It might not seem that way to you, but to a man such can be quite confusing. We know what a confused mind says, right? Since it appears the 'battle' is purposeful, rather than natural, meaning you're aware of the dynamic, even if only retrospectively, it is behavior you can experiment with. Try something different. See what results. Good luck

June 2, 2010

OK.

Here is the situation--at your age, most likely you are going to be looking for guys in the 30-35, maybe 37, age range. Guys much younger than 30 will not likely be looking to settle down; guys much older than 37 will be too old for you.

Unfortunately, virtually every decent guy you meet in his early to mid 30's will either be "taken" or have significant "baggage"--divorced, perhaps with kids, or psychological issues which have prevented him from previously getting involved in a serious long term relationship. Or maybe he was but got cheated on/dumped and is dealing with the fallout of that.

You want someone with a good job, heterosexual, no criminal record, a future, not some dirtbag, right?

Well as you're finding out, by that age, the good ones ARE all "taken."

Why wouldn't they be?

This means you need to be looking at 1) guys who are divorced, perhaps with kids; and/or 2) guys who might strike you as extremely shy or socially withdrawn--IOW guys who you will have to be reasonably patient and perhaps even aggressive in pursuing, because the reason that they haven't been taken is not because there's anything "wrong" with them, other than lack of skill/courage at chasing women. The can be tricky as you don't want to end up with someone who's actually weird, or at least not too weird. But they will be guys who have been hurt by women and are gunshy, and you need to be ready for that. They'll be fine in other ways but they might have some real trouble emotionally connecting with you, at least in the initial phases.

To you, this might seem like "settling." But "settling" is what all women in your position HAVE to do. And the longer it takes you to make your mind up to do it, the harder it will get.

Your time is very limited. Your shelf-life as a marketable commodity even to second tier eligible males in the target age range is maybe another 2-3 years.

Get going.

so you're saying that at age 35 a woman suddenly loses all desirability? sorry but i dont believe that. i suppose that makes me over the hill at 25?

June 2, 2010

so you're saying that at age 35 a woman suddenly loses all desirability? sorry but i dont believe that. i suppose that makes me over the hill at 25?

The optimum age for fertility for women begins at the age of 18. Until about the age of 25, women will be at their most fertile, and most likely to get pregnant. Beginning around 25 or 26, a woman’s fertility starts to decline. This decline is relatively gradual for the next ten years, however. It is not until the age of 35 that the process of losing fertility begins to speed up more rapidly.
http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/best-age-to-get-pregnant.html

If it's the woman or the mans goal to start a family and have kids, then yes 35 is starting to loose desirability.

A woman's looks also start to slowly degrade once she's in her 30's. She loses the appearance of innocence and could no longer be called cute. I'm not saying there aren't amazingly beautiful women in their 40's, which of course there are. But they don't have the youthful appearance.

I have no idea why but I'll take a girl who's very cute over one who is beautiful any day.

June 2, 2010

"All the good ones are taken" is the biggest lie in dating.

The highlited is a dangerous way to think. You may "click" with someone who makes less money or has less education or less of something. Trust me, he will have more of something else. If you won't give him a date or two you will never know. You are not ugly or have poor soical skills so stop crying and start doing.

She may very well "click" with someone on an emotional level, but that doesn't mean anything about levels of compatibility. If you look at education for example, there are lots of people who are under-educated but still very intelligent, but by and large this is not the case. Generally, more education means more intelligence, more worldliness, greater earning potential, etc. It is not unreasonable for someone to expect their significant other to be on similar pages in this matter. I have nothing against auto mechanics, but how much is your typical grease monkey really going to have to talk about with a more educated woman? I agree that exceptions exist, but they are just that, exceptions. And it doesn't sound to me like the OP is excluding guys because they have a Bachelors instead of a Masters or anything like that.

It's sort of like me trying to date some of those girls with whom I went to high school who didn't bother to get an education and had kids with the first lowlife they could wrap themselves around and/or make a living promoting alcohol brands at bars. Yeah they're hot, maybe I'd like to sleep with them, but I can't imagine what I'd have in common with any of them, or what we would talk about aside from partying and her favorite TV shows.

June 2, 2010

I am truly begining to beleive that meeting the right person is SO much to do with luck and it is not meant to happen to me. I am really fed up.

This is 100% true..its all luck and thats why i gave up in trying to meet women..if its gunna happen..it will happen..nothing i can do about it.

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So much of meeting the right person is due to luck, and luck is not with me

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