random122 Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I figured we could have our own version of a Hate Week, but with a thread instead. So here's the idea: Post all the screwed up things the person you're struggling to get over did to you, and others will come in and give affirmation of how horrible the things were. I think some of us will be surprised at others' reactions as we excuse so much of our exs' shyt. I will start: 1. Said she had no one to dress up/look good for at her university (the one which we happen to attend together) 2. Strip naked and tease me...leaning naked against the wall naked though she stated her desire to remain a virgin. 3. Demand that I masturbate to only her. 4. Chastise me for saying I was going to spend time with her and backing out when homework mounted. 5. Telling me she's attracted to her new BF because he's my opposite. 6. Consider breaking up w/ me because I playfully slapped her bottom in an empty hallway. 7. Telling her new boyfriend I was harassing her at the same time she was pretending to be friends with me by chilling in my room, going to the mall w/ me, etc. 8. Get angry with me when I asked her to put on jeans instead of the sweats she wore 4 times a week. 9. Actually make an issue of this ^ after I had spent nights caring for her through her numerous breakdowns. 10. Rubbing it in my face that she wasn't as nice to me now that we weren't going out. 11. Mock my voice when angry with me. 12. Tell me, after we break up, that I should have just ignored her when she demanded that I spend time w/ her instead of my friends. 13. Curse at me in Mandarin and/or Cantonese 14. Make an issue of leg shaving/waxing (a once every 4 week thing) even though I had to take at least 2 showers every day because of her OCD. 15. Told me she was worried because I wasn't talking to her though she had, in fact, blocked me on every communication platform.
GrayClouds Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 Your way to concern about your EX, maybe it is time to start focusing on how to make yourself better rather then tearing down the EX. It will help you move on faster.
mickleb Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 (edited) Okay.. now it's out of your system, I hope you can move on more easily. A similar list I produced really helped me. You definitely dodged a bullet, here. However, I think you should heed the replies you got from Hoping to Heal and This Hurts on your first thread. Considering their responses (that possibility) it is odd that you are still thinking about her with such an intensity. I know her behaviour must have been quite distressing for you but I would have thought, that after two months and a new 'girlfriend', you might have moved a bit closer towards compassion. It's not good you are thinking about her like this when you are with someone else. I think you need to analyse why she is consuming your mind and, if you are going to do this properly, admit to your newbie that you're not actually ready to be steady, at this point. Generally, there's nothing wrong with directing your anger somewhere it'll do no damage, i.e. a thread like this. And we all need to embrace the anger stage, when it hits, as we grieve but you are beginning to do damage of your own. To your unsuspecting girlfriend and, possibly, to yourself. Think about why. Take care. x Edited June 2, 2010 by mickleb Further research required.
Author random122 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 The girl I'm with actually told me she liked me a month before dating...I told her I didn't think I was ready and didn't want to get into it yet. I really thought I was ready, but there are signs...like I still think of my ex and all that's happened when I wake up every day. I think part of the reason I can't get over it is because my ex demanded so much devotion in a number of ways...devotion I was foolish for giving. And I think part of me is obsessed with the possibility that she's changed after our relationship...even though based on my interactions with her after, she still seems to have the issues w/ women's victimization etc. I'm preoccupied with the thought that the person I was in a relationship with isn't the person she is now. On top of this, it drives me nuts that she says I was a bad boyfriend because of our arguments about sex and the like...she gives me no credit and says things like she would never want to date again if all guys were like me. What the ****? And this is as I know that her boyfriend is cheating on her, talking about her behind her back, etc. I wish I didn't care about her opinion about me, but I do. The thought that, after all I've sacrificed, she would have a higher opinion of this guy that's lied to and cheated on her is driving me insane. I just want everything to be right.
Ilovecake Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 I'm preoccupied with the thought that the person I was in a relationship with isn't the person she is now. She is the same person, people do not do a 180 that quickly, but if she's not who cares she's no longer any of your concern. The things you listed as her bad qualities are very insignificant and not at all life damaging so you should not have a problem letting go.
Author random122 Posted June 2, 2010 Author Posted June 2, 2010 She is the same person, people do not do a 180 that quickly, but if she's not who cares she's no longer any of your concern. The things you listed as her bad qualities are very insignificant and not at all life damaging so you should not have a problem letting go. Wouldn't that mean I'd have a harder time letting go?
teanoranges Posted June 2, 2010 Posted June 2, 2010 1. It should not matter what she thinks of you. YOU know the truth and your friends/family know the truth. Forget what she or her friends or her boyfriend think... they mean nothing in your life and you honestly don't need them. 2. Perhaps it is not 'her' that is weighing so heavily on your mind. You could be, like I was, preoccupied with your 'reputation' or your 'ego'.. you feel a little embarrassed or surprised because you're so used to being independent and in control that this person shook up so many of your plans. I think (if this is the issue).. it is accepting it that is the step to understanding that you will feel a little pang of resentment, but it is manageable and you WILL get over it. don't know. just suggestions.
shadowplay Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 How is this at all related to 1984? In the novel, the protagonist is forced to "unlove" the only person he loves by having to choose between her and his most primal fear. I was expecting something similar to that when I saw the title of your thread.
Ilovecake Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 Wouldn't that mean I'd have a harder time letting go? Why would it be harder? I guess whether you do or don’t let go is completely up to you. If these little quirks weigh that heavily on your mind it would be a good idea to delve into why you are so bothered by such insignificant issues and what is really behind that anger. I also do not see the correlation between this and 1984.
mickleb Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 ILC - I'm not so sure these issues are insignificant for random's ex (you may want to peruse his first thread for more details). However, they are her issues. Not his. And she needs to be concerned about them, not him. You may want to Google 'Hate Week' to answer the 1984 question. I think it's pretty straightforward but can't be bothered to explain(!) x
Author random122 Posted June 3, 2010 Author Posted June 3, 2010 Why would it be harder? I guess whether you do or don’t let go is completely up to you. If these little quirks weigh that heavily on your mind it would be a good idea to delve into why you are so bothered by such insignificant issues and what is really behind that anger. I also do not see the correlation between this and 1984. How are they insignificant if I'm online writing essays about things months after? Who else has to break up over these things? You know how miffed I get when I see people breaking up because of things like infidelity, etc? I couldn't be w/ her not because of a job or any normal compatibility issue, but for some BS that effects probably less than 1% of relationships. I usually take things in stride but I'm because it seems unfair, lol. As does the fact that the only way I could have stayed w/ her is lying about something I shouldn't have to.
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